Ongoing self esteem and feeling fragile again

[rh456]

Hi all from Adelaide! Just wanted to post on how I have been feeling lately. I was let go from a job a short time ago which made me feel deflated and low mood. I have been applying for jobs obviously but sadly nothing has matched. I have had a couple of interviews which sounded and started off promising, but unfortunately nothing has come of either.  The wait to hear back from these interviews was excruciating and the longer it went on the worse I felt inside. Some of those interviews I actually had to follow up myself after not hearing back! 

Anyways, I had a similar situation just yesterday. I had gone for an interview at a local company which was a completely different type of company that I am used to = however I was excited about change - I have been in  medical administration for 30 years and thought something different sounded exciting. However I eventually got a call back yesterday. The lady was very nice and friendly enough, however in the end the answer was "NO" because I was not flexible enough and the work likely wasn't ongoing. From that phone call on until now I have been quite "fragile" and very teary = enough that if someone had genuinely  asked how i was, i probably would have "folded into a heap" feeling broken. 

I am in the process of finding a counsellor locally (I may have to try more than 1) so I can get help/strategies on how to deal when things like this happen. I lack a little self confidence, but what is hurting the most right now is the feeling of low self esteem particularly when looking for work. I know that people say that something will come along and all that, but is getting harder and harder to deal with not only rejection for jobs, but feeling fragile. 

All I ask is for people/friends and family to ask genuinely "are you okay" and then to believe in me when I reply. I am not after a miracle, but some guidance. I understand that feeling low is part of life at times and I am lucky in some senses that I have some work, not desperate for money and have no feelings of self harm. When I am feeling down i generally find solace in listening to music and watching something I enjoy, or something funny. 

Cheers everyone and thanks for reading my ramble. It feels better getting it all out. Suggestions for staying in a positive outlook, what to do when feeling low is appreciated below...

[Eagle Ray]

Dear rh456,

It’s good to write down how you are feeling. Thank you for sharing your story. In the past I have felt vulnerable too when applying for jobs and especially in the wake of rejections in relation to jobs I was hopeful about.

I’m not sure if you have done this, but sometimes seeing if the recruiters can give you a decent amount of feedback can help going forward. I know from what you’ve said you’ve had some kind of phone conversations which were perhaps the notification about the job. But sometimes intentionally seeking out feedback can help too. One area I used to work in was being an education assistant. I got down to the final two at a particular school I was hoping to work for but didn’t get the job. I rang and spoke with the principal who interviewed me and he was so helpful. He said I just needed a bit more confidence and to put my best foot forward more. He was really right because I’m basically shy and not good at self-promotion. In fact it’s taken me awhile to learn to value myself more. But I think if you can know internally that you are capable of doing a job well, it translates across at interview. The best way I can think to put it is to give yourself a big hug of reassurance before a job interview in the same way you’d encourage someone else. It’s like having an inner knowing of “you’ve got this” which I think can help you to both feel and convey a calm confidence.

Another thing that may help is to undertake some voluntary work in an area you would like to work in. That can take the pressure off a bit but may open up future paid opportunities either at that place or another workplace in that field. It can be of value on your resume to show you’ve done volunteer work and it can be a way of building confidence in an environment that may have less pressure but you get to build your skills.

I think what can happen is if we have a few rejections we can doubt ourselves and certainly feel fragile. Often a good counterbalance is finding environments and situations that build us up. That may even be something other than work but something you love doing, whether that’s playing music, writing, art, sport or whatever you connect with. It’s sometimes possible then to extend that feeling of competence into applying for jobs.

Seeking out a good counsellor/therapist could be helpful. Definitely go with a person who feels right to work with for you. There is an upside to being someone who can feel fragile and that is the positive side of sensitivity which can manifest as emotional intelligence, insight, empathy and interpersonal awareness. So have a think about the attributes you may have that can be the flip side of fragility. That may be your superpower!

Take good care and happy to chat further if it helps. I’m no longer in the workforce due to health issues but I have worked at quite a few different jobs. As a sensitive person myself I often felt very vulnerable applying for jobs and starting new jobs. But I found I was quite capable in the end despite my self-doubts. Often those plagued by self-doubt are actually the quite capable ones and just need to find some inner self-assurance.

Take care,

Eagle Ray

[BlueLily]

Hi there,

Welcome to the forum! It's great to hear that you feel better writing it out already. I hope you keep writing and sharing.

I would like to tell you 2 stores from my own and one of my friend's experience. My friend was made redundant few years ago even though she was really happy with the job and everything was going well. They worked on large projects for a government agency. Obviously her self esteem was so low that she was willing to take any job that was coming her way and really upset. But soon after she was hired by the same government agency directly, which was sort of her dream job. But if she had not been made redundant she would never have thought about leaving the previous company, hence never would have considered the dream job. 

My second story is when I decided to change company few years ago after staying with the same company for a while. I didn't realise until then that my skills were very stale and I was lacking most of the on demand skills. I started applying for jobs which kept rejecting me. I even started studying to make up for all the skills I was lacking. Even then I found most interviews were to be challenging. Not to mention that I was in a really low and dark place mentally. After about applying nearly 100 jobs I did manage to land a great job with a great company. When I looked back I realised it was a good thing I was rejected by all those other companies because I was really happy with the job I got.

I think my point is it's totally normal to get redundant (even if you are really great at your job unfortunately) and it's pretty common to get so many rejections from jobs. But I think if we focus on our own growth learning from experience each time, you'll reach your dream job that you didn't even know existed. 

On another note, I personally follow up after applying for a job or after attending interviews all the time if I don't hear back. Because it's easy for hiring staff to forget or miss good applications when there's so many candidates to go through. I've been in the hiring end so I know sometimes a call back is enough to impress an employer to hire you. 

Good luck with job hunting!