Mindfulness ....yes I have read quite a bit about it. I have (sort of) practised it, I enjoy it, I find it comforting and feel it would be beneficial for me to do it more often......BUT......isn't there always a "but" somewhere rearing its ugly head. The guilt. I feel guilty for "doing nothing". Especially now, on the verge of retiring from a job I have disliked for years and have been counting the days to leave.
It maybe just me...but there seems pressure these days to accomplish things, to strive, to try something new, and for me just now questions like "What are you going to do with yourself? you will be bored. You must keep yourself busy. Take up new interests. Don't just sit at home. You are too intelligent and active to do nothing..." etc etc and they keep on coming.
to listen to meditative music, quiet my mind, particularly looking into a candle (I am a candle freak, have lots) and try to achieve a peaceful place..is not acceptable..it's lazy, wasting my life, is the message I am getting. Hence the guilt if I dare to spend time in mindfulness.
There are lots of unshed tears within me that I feel need to come out. When I am busy interacting with others all day, they can't come out. I find when I begin meditating, they rise to the surface. I let them come. I don't feel guilty about this. I have been in pain....pain hurts. to cry when you are hurt is normal and healthy I reckon.
Surely sitting doing nothing but letting the pain rise to the surface and come out isn't "doing nothing and being lazy"....or is it? Why don't others mind their own business and let me heal myself in ways that I choose? Do I have to "check with anyone" first? Get their permission? Am I being lazy and wasteful of my time?
your thoughts would be welcome...thank you friends...Moon S
