Merry and Bright or Bah Humbug, how do you feel about the holidays?

[Summer Rose]

As the old saying goes, Christmas comes but once a year, and judging by my trip to the mall today it has well and truly arrived. Crowds of shoppers, bustling about, looking for the perfect gift. Not all of us here on the forum celebrate Christmas but I doubt than any of us can ignore it.

The advertisers tell us this is the best time of the year. A chance to enjoy the good things in life, spend time with the family and generally eat, drink and be merry. But this simply isn't the case for everyone. The holiday and its associated activities (e.g. shopping, cooking, travelling, etc) triggers stress, sadness and depression for a lot of people. I'm one of them.

Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, kids and Australian family and friends and I will no doubt enjoy the holidays. But for me, Christmas is always tinged with a hefty dose of sadness, which I carry inside and try to hide. This is because my mum, my sister and her family and all of my extended family live overseas. I've lived in Australia for some 30 years and you'd think I'd be used to this by now but I'm not.

So, I'm wondering how Christmas affects you? Are you looking forward to the holiday, feeling stressed or feeling left out because it's not something you participate in? What are your strategies for protecting your mental health this festive season?

[lilly2016]

Dear Summer Rose, I'm sorry to hear about your mother, thats very hard I know, no it doesn't sound like you needed this at all, sending you all my deepest sympathy and well wishes, that's not very good news about your knee either, must be very painful for you to get around, I would cut down alot around Christmas if I were you, just so you can rest a bit, thankyou for me replying to my post's even though you are going through so much yourself.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Lily

Thank you so much for your kind words. Now it's my turn to apologise for being negative.

It helped me today to focus on what I am grateful for ... despite the knee the surgeon says I can still fly to see mum, my mum has had a long, full life and I am so grateful to have had her as my mum, and my family (husband, son and daughter) have my back 100 per cent. We are pulling together and it feels good.

I am loved and that's a blessing I will never take for granted. I am also well supported here, by you and others, and just having this space to talk makes a big difference. We will all get through this Christmas together.

For anyone new reading this post we are talking about how we feel about Christmas and our strategies for coping. Many of us are struggling but ploughing on with the best intentions. Feel free to let us know how you are travelling.

[geoff]

Hello Summer Rose, thank you for getting back to me, I also love reading your heartfelt replies they are all lovely with just so much care.

It's bad enough to damage your knee but to do it while cleaning would be awful, especially if the pain is far too strong and when you go to Canada, the cold weather will only make your knee stiffen up, ouch that hurts too much.

I'm so terribly sorry to know that your mum is suffering from cancer, please give her our messages of love and hope.

The rest of my family embrace Xmas with joy, I wish I could, but I make sure little kids are excited by saying only 3 nights to go, down to Santa will come tonight, so I pretend, just like I did many times before when depression was in control of me.

I would love to see Niagara Falls and also love to have a white Xmas, but I suppose it's what we don't have is what we want, but when we always have it we can't understand why other people wish for it.

Please travel safe and all my best wishes.

Geoff.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Geoff

Thanks again for your kind words.

I think it's inspiring that even though you don't embrace Christmas with joy that you still find the strength to make it special for the kids. There is clearly a force flowing through you that is stronger than the darkness, love. And that love is what kids need, not just at Christmas, but throughout the year. The girls are lucky to have you.

Kind thoughts to you

[Moonstruck]

I think I will have to let go at last....and ring the BB helpline just to talk this through. The plans and lists and bookings just go on and on....my anxiety is exploding and it's affecting everything I do now, while driving, trying to work out where I have to go, whether these storms here will get worse, or should I risk driving in it....I feel on the precipice of a breakdown.

And yes, I have posted this on this thread because that is the place for it....the hype surrounding this season and its demands have done this to me...I feel under enormous pressure because of Christmas, the crowds, the noise, the expense, the demands, keeping up the effort for the kids involved, not being able to relax with a drink like everyone else to get thru it.....I can't think clearly.

this year is worse than usual because I have travel plans also, the anxiety about the trip has been getting worse and worse each day since travel bookings were made weeks ago......I don't think I can get thru this.

[Lee lee 73]

Hi all,

Lily2016 and Moonstruck, you both pretty much sum up how I feel about Christmas too. I wish I could press fast forward. ...from mid November.

I can never understand that, mh services acknowledge this to be the worst time of year yet these so called services are skint or non existant. Psychologists tend to take the entire month of January off ... and you receive notifications of 'support services' closing down. I understand people need time off but really. .......!!! Hospitals and aged care facilities dont close down. Those of us with a mh illness are left to fend for ourselves. This really erks me and gets under my skin. I'm curious if anyone else feels the same?

I cope by trying to ignore it the best I can. I tell myself it's over rated and that it causes more problems in the world.

I have been alone for the last 6 years. My friends say "you're so lucky, you can do what you want ". I sometimes wish I had the courage to say, "you're lucky to have family to celebrate with ". They can choose to do what they want. I can't choose to have an instant family. I have previously volunteered, but my heart isn't in it this year.

Christmas is like a depressive episode. ....it too will pass.

I sincerely hope everyone can get through it the best they can.

Thanks for this thread. Sorry to be negative.

Lee

[Nezus]

Personally I find Christmas & New Years one of the most stressful times of the year. Christmas just doesn't excite me anymore like I see everyone around me get excited for it.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Lee lee

Thank you so much for joining the conversation. This is a long thread but to summarise, some of us are merry and bright, others are Grinching it and many people, like you, wish they could just fast forward until 1 January.

I think you have made a really valid point when you talk about those people who don't recognise how lucky they are to have family. Families can be really hard at Christmas time--even dysfunctional--but at least they exist. Like you say, there is no way to wave a magic wand and voila...instant family.

I notice that you have a cat imagine alongside your name and I'm hoping that you will get to spend the day with your cat. Another member, Paul, is planning to spend the day with his rescue dog. Our pets are more than animals, they are family, and you can make it a really special day for the two of you--favourite treats, activities and cuddles. If you're cat is not with you, perhaps you might like to call into an animal shelter and see if you can visit a cat who needs some TLC.

It's okay if you're not up to volunteering, we all do what we can, when we can. I'm wondering if it would help you to attend a church service? The music and being amongst people might be good for your soul. Of course, please also stick with us--reading and posting. I find this forum really helps me not to feel alone.

In my view, the point you raise about the lack of MH services at this time of year is critical. Perhaps you could write a letter to your clinic manager and suggest change for Christmas 2019? Anyone else have any good ideas?

For anyone new reading this post we are talking about how we feel about Christmas and our strategies for coping.

[Lee lee 73]

Hello Moonstruck,

I'm so sorry you're feeling the way you are. Please do call the BB helpline. I feel for you. I have been in your position but without the anxiety. If you can, try to practice mindfulness by concentrating on your driving and surroundings. Listen to your favourite music and practice deep breathing - just to get you through every minute. Is it doable to cancel your plans - for health reasons I'm thinking? ?? Just thinking out loud....

Please do take care Moonstruck. Keep us posted if you would like to. Also remember, when you do get to where you're going, take time for yourself to recoop.

Thinking of you.

Lee

[Lee lee 73]

Hello Summer Rose,

Thank you so much for your kind words and understanding. ....yes, I do intend to and am looking forward to spending quality time with my gorgeous cat 😊😊. I have to admit, I have gotten her pressies and treats😋😋.

I hope your knee holds up Summer Rose and you are able to enjoy your time with family.

Lee