Men isolated

[white knight]

I'd like to hear from men. I want to know your inner feelings about anything that you feel isolated about. I'd like to know if you feel that the revolution towards equality of the sexes has gone too far to a point whereby you are feeling inferior to women or you feel women are being treated better in any way - just because you are a man.

Emotionally, are you feeling that you get enough support from females? Do you feel women are afraid to hug you to comfort you for any reason? like you'll take advantage of them? Do you have many female friends? Do you feel that women socialize better? What do YOU want socially?

Feel free, talk, let go of your restraints, take advantage of the anonymous environment to let yourself be heard. We can do this and be in error, that our presumptions are ill directed and unfair. It could be our own inapproachability for example that can sway women away from us when we need them most.

Are we misread? I know when I'm in conflict with someone I come across as a little aggressive or arguing in a normal male manner and that can portray someone that is not in need of support but is someone to avoid. NOTHING could be further from the truth.

So that's one gripe. I feel women don't pursue the friendship care far enough. Such limited care results in my feelings of isolation. I think I'm a "giver" apart from my supportive wife no woman supports me anywhere near the level I give to them. Is this an illusion? What do you think?

Two people. One a woman that enters a group, say a hobby group. She sits down and isn't feeling emotionally well. She is asked a question like "how is your day"? She burst into tears. The whole group of 10 ladies stand and hold her hand, hand on her shoulder, comforting and reassurance. She is not alone. They even ring her later and talk at length. The other person a middle aged male enters a motoring clubroom in his local town, his male friends restore cars and share drinks. He sits and realizes he was in no shape to attend. A guy asks him how his restoration is going. He is upset thinking about his car as due to his depression he hasn't been to his shed for weeks. He suddenly starts crying. The men, all of whom start to feel uncomfortable, mention a few things like" you'll get there don't worry". He is worried because he knows that half of the men there actually think he is a softy by crying, to stand clear of him because he has problems, to avoid him as it might upset their own happy day in the sun....

Tony WK

[Ggrand]

Hi Tony,

I have been listening but not posting, My eldest son around 12 years ago rebuilt a 67 Harley shovel, beautifully done..The colours he chose for it was hot pink,with black pin striping pattern, he added a black frame, he even got his seat custom made hot pink with black trims.. the result was outstanding, he sold it a few years later to this huge guy with tats all over him big long beard and long hair, singlet and leathers, he was frightening to look at, but I can still remember him, he had the funniest laugh, what stood out most was the fact that his eyes welled up with tears once my son handed him the keys...We asked him if he was going to change the colour...his answer was no way he liked the colour..

Well done on your thread,,just a little deep for my level of understanding. but I am enjoying the listening..Thank you..

Tony I'm really loving who you are and getting to know you better..

wishing you peace Tony 🕊.

Kindest thoughts..

Karen.....Grandy.

[Quercus]

Hi Tony...

I think you need a new vehicle. In hot pink. Gorgeous! And to ask of Chris can upload a snap of it.

If I didn't have this bloody autoimmune disease (and slow healing) I suspect one day I would get a full body tattoo. Blackwork. Have always dreamt of it. In my mind black tattoos are just beautiful. And yet the stigma of women with tattoos exists just like men and pink. And my husband thinks they're revolting.

Stuff them all Tony. The day you buy a pink vehicle... I will get my first tattoo. Disease be damned.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Tony WK (and all),

Well, I feel as though I’ve expressed my general views on gender, which can be summed up as: I personally feel boys and men are at their best when they are able to base their actions on their true preferences and interests rather than on an externally defined expectation about what it means to be “male.” That’s my view at least but I understand others have their views too.

I think it’s great your favourite colour is pink 🙂 Nothing wrong with that. It’s a colour so I don’t understand why a lot of people assign gender associations with a colour.

Perhaps one day, you will own a fabulous hot pink motorbike 🙂 That would be great!

Pepper xoxo

[Birdy77]

Hello Tony and everyone,

I love your story about the hot pink trike that almost-was.

My nephew used to spend his school holidays with me when he was small. Between age maybe 7 and 10 he was obsessed with pink, and he and I kept a separate wardrobe of pink t-shirts, different coloured skinny jeans etc at my place because he wasn't allowed to wear pink at home, his Dad wouldn't let him.

We were in trouble when he was 7 ish when I had bought him a hot pink shirt and my nephew was in love with it, wanted to wear it home, his Dad said what on earth are you wearing, made him take it off. The look on the precious boy's face 😞. His Dad said to me "What are trying to do to him, turn him gay?" I was just letting him be him & let him wear what he liked.

So, separate secret holiday wardrobes it was, we'd have a special shopping adventure at the op shops so he could buy pink to his little heart's content.

🌻birdy

[kanga_brumby]

Well done Birdy I can remember gong to my grandparents home and going into grampa's tool shed. In there apart from tools and projects he was working on. There always a large bag of old clothing pants, shirts, dresses, jackets, my brothers and sisters used to play dress ups. We would dress either way the girls would dress as either men or women. The boys either way as well. Now later in life all of us are normal average day people hetro. With children, we all except others in there life choices and who they call lovers, or marry. Clothing does not make the man man makes the cloths. The boy was going through a phase

Kanga

[white knight]

Mmm, so many good comments.

Ggrandy, a pink harley. Different! And that is a key to it. Most bikers wear black, to me its like all sheep, no individuality and, a display of aggression that I'm uncomfortable with. My javket was red.

Quercus, tattoos are a choice. Some, to me look out of place, even show offish but its them. I have one, a large coloured eagle on a bicep. It is a special story. My cousin had a bad back injury and returned to Tassy having been told to walk a lot. He walked the wilderness. In great pain he approached a cliff. A circling eagle showed up. He changed his mind and rang me, we talked. Months later I visited. I said look what I have, and showed him my new tatt, he laughed, raised his sleeve and showed me his new tatt...an eagle. Eiree.

So many examples of boys pink preference and dads disapproval. Sad really. Evengiven Sez's examples of male conventional acts like around a bbq having a beer, dressed in pink has zero to do with manhood. In fact a man can look great in a pastel pink shirt.

"Stuff em all"...got that right Nat.

Kanga "Clothing does not make the man man makes the cloths:...love the philosophy.

Birdy...I think you are a spevial auntie, even today.

Pepper, my riding days are over, got a vintage JBA car now. But I do have a mid pink shirt. Lol

Tony WK

[james1]

Hello tony,

Google: Pink Harley Street 500 bikesales

I have a little green ninja 250. I'd love a ducati scrambler, and the ice blue gets me excited. But find me a pink scrambler and I'll be buying it straight away.

James

[Ggrand]

Hello everyone,

When anyone does things that is not a genuine or a real reflection of that person, then they will not be happy within themselves and will end up sad or unhappy . You'll be unhappy because you are not doing what you really want or feel to because you are doing what society is telling you to do.

Being happy comes from being true to who you really are and from acting in a way that you want to, with your personal preferences/ desires

When you do what you want to do yourself personally, you allow your individuality and uniqueness to shine through.

You can listen to the opinions of others but you don't need to be amongst the stereotypes that is you don't have to act/wear what they expect you to. It's your personal choice..Just be true to who you really are..

It takes courage to be true to yourself. It requires you to be courageous enough to do you own thing..It doesnt mean that you are any different from anyone else..It means that you will not let others define you or make decisions for you that you want make for yourself.

I think that everyone should live their life the way they want to, which means wear that pink shirt or buy that pink car, Just be the you, you want to be and live your life the way you want to but with good values...Does it really matter what others think, if you dress different or your over sensitive or you cry easy or you dress differently?

As Kanga said clothes don't make the man man makes the clothes...same could be said for anything.

Crying, being gentle, over sensitive imo doesn't make anyone any less a man, in fact it makes you a human being using the emotions we were all born with (men and women). the way we are all supposed to use them..instead of trying to suppress them which is where anger issues start to develop..my thoughts only..

Kind thoughts,

Karen...Grandy

[kanga_brumby]

When you have a huge crowd telling you you are sexest when you are just saying someone looks good in what they are wearing. Which is what you would do for anyone it makes it hard to be yourself. I have been knocked down this way several times so I cannot be me.

Kanga (in pain but good and safe really)

[PamelaR]

Excellent thread Tony. I've been so busy doing other things, I never gave this thread a look. Truly sorry now. Awesome discussion going on here. Great work in getting it starting and keeping it moving.

I read it last night when I couldn't sleep. I have to confess, I was a Germain Greer fan for awhile. I also got involved in women's shelters and women's movement in the 80s. But I mellowed, I found that what they were asking of women, let alone men, was completely unreasonable. So I moved out of that environment and never returned.

This however, does not mean I don't lean towards what some of you are talking about - letting the individual choose how they wish to grow up. If he wants to buy a pink harley then go for it. You know back in the late 80s my hubby and I went to a 'music hall' concert, part of a particular festival. The female organiser wanted 6 burley bearded men to dress up in pink tutus to do a pantomime. Well, she got them. One was my hubby with five of his mates. I still have photos of the act.

So let's just say, I'm all for men. Think they are awesome and in fact throughout my life could relate much better to them than to women. Mainly to do with my parental relationship i think. That's changed now. On the other hand my husband worked in a very female dominated profession. Most of his friends are women. He relates so much better to them than men.

Neither of us have a 'traditional' gender role. We are what we are.

Thank you once again for starting this very interesting thread.

P.S. - Something I thought of last night while reading the thread - You know the courts have traditionally favoured women as the primary carer and giving the men visiting rights. But also, the courts are overrun with men. Does that say something?

xoxox