Managing Borderline Personality Disorder

[AGrace]

Hi,

I was looking through some of the posts and couldnt find any related to Borderline Personality Disorder. 

I was diagnosed at the end of the year along with Anxiety and Depression. I was hoping to reach out to anyone in a similar situation to get some advice on how to deal with living with this condition.  I left my employment last year so I could focus on my health which has been useful but now I feel anxious about ever being able to go back to work full time, having children, and doing day to day things whilst managing my illness. To add to this, not doing those things leaves me feeling a little useless. 

Does anyone have some advice, or personal experience with this?

Thanks. 

[AGrace]

Hi Straight&Alert,

I'll refrain from any further warm and fuzzies!

I can't tell you whether to stay in your relationship or not. That's up to you to decide. However it would be wise to make an informed decision. 

Your girlfriend is more than just her illness. I can also say that there is a possibility of recovery for her. The traits (there are 9, to qualify for diagnosis you need at least 5) are skills that she missed out on learning for any number of reasons when she was a child. There are skills based therapies such as Dialectical Behaviour Therapy that aim to teach these skills, and if put into practice its highly likely that she will no longer qualify for diagnosis. Its also important to know that every human experiences some of the traits at some point in their lives, perhaps just not to the same extreme.

So my suggestions before ending the relationship:

Get educated - Visit sites such as borderlinesupport.com.au, mindaustralia.org.au, sane.org, & dialecticalbehaviourtherapy.com for information on the illness, the treatments, and information for carers. There are also a number of books you can read such as Loving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder, co-written by the lady who developed Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. 

Get Treatment - Is your girlfriend undergoing therapy at the moment? Borderlines usually respond best to a culmination of treatments, group therapy, DBT, individual therapy, antidepressants and anti psychotics (mood stabilisers). Not knowing where you live its difficult to suggest a treatment venue. Also consider support for yourself, even if just a monthly check in with her Psychiatrist/Psychologist: you need to be cared for too. You may even like to speak with someone about growing up with your father.

Make sure you are not her only carer - Its difficult to be the only person your girlfriend has to turn to in times of need. Engage friends, family, her treatment team to be there for her when you cant.

Finally I'd say make your relationship about more than just the disorder. It sounds like you love your girlfriend so she must have many qualities that are admirable. Despite treatment, my partner and I still go out, we travel, we enjoy spending time together, we have individual hobbies.

I hope this has been helpful. 1 in 4 people are diagnosed every year with BPD, 23% of admissions to Psychiatric hospitals are for patients with BPD, so you and your girlfriend are not alone.

AGrace

[Jo3]

Hi Straight&Alert

AGrace has written a fantastic reply to you.  Nothing else to say but get as much information as you can on BPD.  

Hope things work out for you and your partner

Jo

[geoff]

dear SA, well what AGrace has said to you is so good I can't really add to it, although she has had a very difficult time now a little bit but certainly over the years, and her continual response to so many people is just terrific, because I can tell how she has changed from when she first came here until now, and there has been a huge improvement in actual replies to people, and her involvement has been fantastic. Geoff.

[AGrace]

Thank you Jo & Geoff,

What wonderful comments!

You guys do such an incredible job as well and I find this truly inspiring. Hopefully with such caring and insightful people here we can try to make a dent in bringing hope and awareness to mental health:)

AG

[joey]

I have BPD (or I used to, not sure if I meet the criteria anymore but I definitely still have milder symptoms). I did DBT finishing almost 2 years ago and it did change my life. Things still aren't easy but I manage. I haven't posted here for awhile because I was finding it unhelpful for my own mental health but I do pop by occasionally and talking about BPD/DBT is something I enjoy. I enjoy it because it reminds me of where I came from and how much my life changed in a year. Pre DBT I had trialled a lot of different medications and nothing worked. I have not been in melds since about 4 months into DBT. I do still see a psychologist but maybe once a more or less. 

DBT kind of helped with everything. Although I was always high functioning (aka always had a job so no one thought there was a problem) I had (and to and extent still do) problems with black and white thinking, poor relationships and a complete inability to interpret people. I still have these issues but it's to a lesser extent and sometimes I can work out the right thing to do or say. 

Yeah anyway good luck with DBT it will help you a lot and I still have some friends from the program. It's amazing meeting people that finally get how chaotic your world is. 

I may pop back and if I do would love to talk about DBT. But I can't guarantee when or how long I will be here as I need to look after myself. 

Joey. 

[Jo3]

Hey Joey

It's so nice to hear from you.  I can understand what you're saying about staying away because I have felt that at times as well.  I am still doing DBT with my regular therapist, actually at the moment we are working on self judgement stance and validation.  It's a slow process but I am learning, just hope I stick with it.

Take care Joey, so nice to hear from you.

Jo

[AGrace]

Hi Joey,

I really appreciate your reply. Thanks for stopping by:)

AG

[ABeautifulMind]

Hello,

I am new to this forum and wanted to post a question. I am pretty sure I have Borderline Personality Disorder based off of my behavior over the past several years. My husband is about ready to divorce me because I can't stop talking to ex boyfriends and other men because of my need to not be lonely.

I have had self harming episodes since my early 20's and continue to feel the urge, although I have only done it once in the last two years. I am seeing a psychologist this Friday and hope to get to the bottom of what's going on in my head. I constantly feel alone and the need for companionship.

Some background: my mother passed away when I was 15, along with my grandmother and my grandmother and grandfather, all by the time I was 17. I attribute most of my anger and depression and loneliness to this. 

If anyone has any experience with this disorder I would love to hear about it. I am a very successful person and I have two college degrees. I just have this dark side of me that is getting out of control.

Thanks in advance

[AGrace]

Hi ABM,

If you think that you may have BPD then it's best to get this diagnosed by your Psychologist or Psychiatrist. You can actually ask to do diagnostic testing to wee if you meet the criteria. There are 9 criteria for BPD, I'll list them in a moment. To be diagnosed you need to fulfill 5/9. If you meet a few of the criteria they class this as having Borderline Traits.

1) Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.      

2) A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between  extremes of idealization and devaluation.

3) Identity disturbance:  markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

4) Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

5) Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior.

6) Affective [mood] instability.

7) Chronic feelings of emptiness.

😎 Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

9) Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

If you would like some more information on BPD there is a good website if you google borderline support, you can also visit the NAMI site, or BPD world. Happy to answer any queries for you. The symptoms that you have described definitely fit, however as I said it's best to get a professional diagnosis. Sadly there's no real cure for BPD, however antidepressants and antipsychotics do help alleviate the symptoms. There is also a psychoeducational program designed specifically for BPD patients called Dialectical behgaviour therapy. You can find out more about the therapy by googling Marsha Linehan DBT.

Good luck with the Psychologist. If you don't get anywhere with them, my advice would be to see a Psychiatrist. It may also be worthwhile getting your husband to visit some of these sights to give him an idea of what you are going through, and how he can best support you.

AGrace

[CatAttack]

Hi AGrace, I've been clinically diagnosed with BPD for the past 15yrs. I am always unsure weather I'll 'make it' in the real world or just fall apart and crumble. For the past yr I've been volunteering and it has helped me so much. I volun'tr in an animal shelter mainly in kennels (dogs) and not only have I found that I can manage day to day things I now know just how strong and reliable I can be. That said I have days where I'm literally in a cage bawling my eyes out and wondering what the hell i'm doing. Sometimes I want to quit and just go back to my old ways - not leaving the house, over eating and basically being a zombie, but then I get a kiss from one of the dogs and I see in their eyes that I'm here for a reason even if that is simply being there for them. I've never been in a relationship and get worried a lot that i'll never find anyone that will love me but I have no control over that. My moods are what are really the hardest thing about my illness - being high, then dropping so far down and then getting higher and higher only to drop further and further down. I don't know if any of this is going to help you in anyway I just wanted you to know that it is possible to live with this illness and I have been doing that for the past 15yrs. Don't give up cos' with every low there is always another high waiting just round the corner. I know people can be judgemental but that's what drew me here. I wanted to hear from people like me and beable to voice my fears and hopes and stupid thoughts that won't leave my head. This is my first post and i'm not sure if i'm doing any of this right but I hope you can read this and find something in what I've written helpful in some way. All the best