Learning to Be Gentle to Yourself

[blondguy]

Hi Everybody

Sometimes our thoughts can be our own worst enemy where finding some peace from depression and anxiety. I have listed a few tiny little helpers that if practiced can help us help ourselves find some true calm in our lives. If you have had any joy in changing your thinking to bring even a little peace of mind please post as many will benefit 🙂

• Delete the word 'hate' from your vocabulary. Using the word 'dislike' is less mentally draining and non toxic (word substitution)
• Many people dont take time out to do absolutely nothing..being super busy sounds good but not for a 'tired mind'
• Fighting depression/anxiety will only make the illness worse...calm and true acceptance of symptoms will reduce their severity/impact
• Help a person doing it tougher than you....by phone...face to face...or the forums (if your energy levels permit of course)
• Book frequent appointments with a GP/counselor....not infrequent...you deserve to heal..and have peace of mind
• Treat yourself when you have had a good day...you have earned it..
• Avoid overly critical and negative people....they will only hinder recovery
• Walk slow...Talk slow...Think slow...

I hope everyone has a great week and thankyou for taking the time to read my post.

Kind Thoughts

Paul

[blondguy]

Hi Country

Thanks for posting! You hit the nail on the head with your post

CMF mentioned " I try not to use it in regards to people anymore because having that feeling hurts me more than them"

It came up when I was having my counseling when I was having chronic anxiety attacks. Part of the therapy was to overhaul the way I critical towards myself and others.

I hope today is good to you 🙂

Paul

[geoff]

Hi Paul, there are other words people can use rather than the H word which are also degrading for a person, and there is NO discrimination here.

-that's so stupid why are you like that

-I'll tell you how you feel

-it's always your fault, everytime

-the threats of leaving were always said to me, but for what reason?

-are you that stupid

-why do it that way, are you that dumb

the list goes on in different other situations and don't forget the silent treatment.

My best to all.

Geoff.

[blondguy]

Hi Geoff and thankyou for your post

You are spot on when you mentioned that there are several words we can use to substitute the 'HATE' word.

Since Hate is Hatred...its just easier to avoid using the word as it takes way too much mental energy to use it

Typing 'Hate' can be a bad habit

Its not rocket science to say 'dont like' instead

What does everyone else think?

My kind thoughts

Paul

[Ggrand]

Hello Paul , Geoff and everyone else..

Just over 6 months ago I used the hate word when ever I was referring to myself or the life I had endured for so long..oh yeah..I hated me, my life, everything..

That started changing around 5 months or so ago...Now I don't hate anymore, I dislike me at times, I like me at times. I accept me at times...I have learnt from the wonderful people here how not to hate myself, but instead how to like, and accept myself...Thank you Everyone..

learning to be gentle with yourself is to not write or say any negative things about yourself.. be kind to yourself..

We should all remember that we live with ourselves 24/7. If we cannot like/love ourself...we should at the very least accept ourselves..

When we are sick, both physically and mentally, we seek out help for ourselves..help to fix our cold or headache,, or help for our anxiety..this is what being gentle and kind is all about..you are looking for help to heal you, not because you hate yourself. no if you hated yourself you would not be looking for help to heal..so by seeking help you must at least accepted yourself..to want to heal...

These are just my thoughts only...

Care and kindness,

Grandy..

[blondguy]

Dear Grandy

What a wonderful & inspirational post! Thankyou so much. You have just helped so many people as the bulk of people choose to 'read only' the forums which is fine and learn from our posts (non members)

Grandy mentioned "I don't hate anymore, I dislike me at times, I like me at times. I accept me at times...I have learnt from the wonderful people here how not to hate myself, but instead how to like, and accept myself...Thank you Everyone.."

Your post has given me greater peace of mind and more hope as well Grandy

You are a legend...thankyou again 🙂

My kind thoughts always

Paul

[PamelaR]

Wow, this thread is truly inspirational Paul. Thanks for starting it.

I really like Grandy's idea about the idea of acceptance if you're here looking for help or healing. So the letter H has a lot of other words that it can get attributed to -

• Health
• Healing
• Hope
• Help

You are so right about the language we use and how it shapes our thoughts and view points. I think this is spot on. So I try to be very careful when talking to people, to pets and to myself.

I'd like to take the idea a little further if that's okay. In your post you say

• Its not rocket science to say 'dont like' instead
  What does everyone else think?

You're moving everyone's thinking along. Love this. My thoughts are - the use of 'don't like' still implies a negative attitude especially if you're using it about yourself. I've learnt to turn it completely around and say - I like this better, or do you think this is better? For example - I don't like it when I yell at the cats. I now say, the cats will respond better if I spray them with water. Not sure if this is a clear enough example.

You rock Paul!

(Wave to Grandy. Great to see you getting around posts!)

Kind regards

PamelaR

[blondguy]

Hi Pamela

Thankyou for your uplifting and informative post!

Many people arent even aware of the effects of using the 'H' word which I continue to see bandied around the forums. As you mentioned there are other forms of word substitution that we can use that are less Toxic

Pamela mentioned "My thoughts are - the use of 'don't like' still implies a negative attitude especially if you're using it about yourself" Absolutely Pamela...when its about ourselves it is still self destructive to our well being

Great to have you 'on the air' Pamela 🙂

My kind thoughts

Paul

[Ggrand]

Hello Paul, Pamela and everyone,

Trying to be gentle with ourselves means not adding any more to your struggles... It means being aware of our feelings and understanding of our own situation and struggles....It means trying to help our struggles as much as we can by showing ourselves some gentleness and kindness towards yourself.

Think about how much we've overcome in these past months, how many dark days we've managed to survive Think about our stubbornness and hard work, every day im struggling with my own mind, with feeling of sadness anger.....numbness .... yes even self hate...And still we are still here, reaching out to others, and quite often, offering help to others..We should be gentle and give us a pat on the back for overcoming this pain and hurt on a daily basis.

Some ways we can be gentle with ourselves, Watch your favourite TV show which will distract you enough Maybe to eat a meal, when you don't feel like eating.. Wear comfortable pyjamas ‘all day if we want to. enjoy that chocolate or treat you've been thinking of, oversleep if you want to only occasionally though ... Take a long, hot bubble bath or shower just because you want to...Just a few things that we can do to be gentle with ourselves...Believe me it's not hard to do, to treat ourselves at times...and by doing this we are being gentle with ourselves...

Please give it a try..Grandy.

[blondguy]

Hi everyone and Grandy for the helpful post 🙂

You are spot on by mentioning not to add anymore to a plate that is already full.....Excellent

Here are a few points from my opening post from 2 years ago......Everyone's thoughts are Welcome!

*Delete the word 'hate' from your vocabulary. Using the word 'dislike' is less mentally draining and non toxic
*Many people dont take time out to do absolutely nothing..being super busy sounds good but not for a 'tired mind'
*Fighting depression/anxiety will only make the illness worse...calm and true acceptance of symptoms will reduce their severity/impact
*Help a person doing it tougher than you....by phone...face to face...or the forums (if your energy levels permit of course)
*Book frequent appointments with a GP/counselor..not infrequent.you deserve to heal and have some peace
*Treat yourself when you have had a good day...you have earned it..
*Avoid overly critical and negative people....they will only hinder recovery
*Walk slow...Talk slow...Think slow...

I hope everybody is doing okay

Paul

[Just Sara]

Hi Paul; really great thread!

You wrote;

'*Delete the word 'hate' from your vocabulary. Using the word 'dislike' is less mentally draining and non toxic'

I sort of get this, but at the same time I disagree. I loath the man who sexually abused my son; no qualms about that. Call it hate if you will, but I figure I'm entitled to it.

I think sometimes people with MH issues are 'afraid' to express anger and loathing as we try to focus more on positivity for healing and calm. Repressing (internalising) anger can morph into self destruction thru ill health and addiction for instance. Yes, we need to accept the past to survive, but it doesn't mean I have to only 'dislike' him or what he did.

I think I'm gentle by being realistic and true to myself. Put me in a room with him and my claws couldn't be held back; verbally or otherwise. Not even God could change that.

Hate isn't the opposite of love; that title belongs to 'fear'. Again, it's fear that binds us, not hate; it's just an expression of a feeling. Fear on the other hand blocks us from expressing hate. We sometimes feel it might consume us..

Sorry to harp about this, but when I read your words, this is what came up for me. Maybe it's a debate waiting to happen, I don't know. Please forgive me for hijacking your thread topic.

Respect and admiration;

Sez x