Learning to Be Gentle to Yourself

[blondguy]

Hi Everybody

Sometimes our thoughts can be our own worst enemy where finding some peace from depression and anxiety. I have listed a few tiny little helpers that if practiced can help us help ourselves find some true calm in our lives. If you have had any joy in changing your thinking to bring even a little peace of mind please post as many will benefit 🙂

• Delete the word 'hate' from your vocabulary. Using the word 'dislike' is less mentally draining and non toxic (word substitution)
• Many people dont take time out to do absolutely nothing..being super busy sounds good but not for a 'tired mind'
• Fighting depression/anxiety will only make the illness worse...calm and true acceptance of symptoms will reduce their severity/impact
• Help a person doing it tougher than you....by phone...face to face...or the forums (if your energy levels permit of course)
• Book frequent appointments with a GP/counselor....not infrequent...you deserve to heal..and have peace of mind
• Treat yourself when you have had a good day...you have earned it..
• Avoid overly critical and negative people....they will only hinder recovery
• Walk slow...Talk slow...Think slow...

I hope everyone has a great week and thankyou for taking the time to read my post.

Kind Thoughts

Paul

[JessF]

Hello Paul, words are very powerful things. I know that some people would consider it to be a trivial thing, saying you 'dislike' something instead of saying you 'hate' something, and that words are just words. But our entire way of communicating with each other is through the use of language. Of course words have meaning. They trigger things, whether it is just a picture of a thing (if someone says 'peach' for example) or a concept or emotion like 'happiness'.

I feel that many of us here are sensitive souls, and when you think about it, I wonder how many of us have truly HATED something or someone. We have felt HATED by others, and you are right Paul, it is a toxic feeling. Sometimes I read posts on here where people say they HATE themselves. Sometimes I think some self reflection is in order. When we say the word HATE, do we truly know what it is to hate, or is it an explosion of frustrated emotion?

When we feel so low that we say we hate ourselves, do the feelings really run that deep? Or are we saying that powerful, terrible word as a way of punishing ourselves? As you say Paul, being kind to yourself can start with the smallest step, and just thinking about the language we use is one of those.

[Starwolf]

Paul, it is always a pleasure to read your insightful threads. So thank you.

I agree with Jess that powerful emotions tend to distort the meaning of words. Love and hate are prone to the wildest interpretations and often get confused with all sorts of unrelated feelings. I once spent a lot of time asking countless different people what "love" meant for them. I ended up with as many different answers, none of which I agreed with...

I always go on about mindfulness being a useful tool. Not only because being as opposed to doing makes us aware of how much of Life we miss. But when applied to our inner world, it is an eye opener. Watching our thoughts come and go without holding on to any of them makes us aware of the cruelty of our self-talk. If applied to anyone else, it would be labelled as extremely destructive. At its best it is a total waste of time and energy. Some of it we catch (and usually dwell on) but much of it is just background noise to us. It gets drowned in everyday activities or more pressing thoughts and matters. The conscious mind doesn't pick it up but nothing passes by the subconscious unnoticed. Since it is the puppeteer behind the curtain, the effects of this non-stop self-talk can be disastrous.

A musician friend took up the experiment. That same day, he sent me a horrified email with the lyrics of a song he had just written after discovering this previously unnoticed self-talk. It was called "Shut the (blip) up !".

Paul, I know you are doing it tough at the moment. I do hope things are improving on your home front and your father is on the mend, at least physically.

My thoughts are with you.

[blondguy]

Hello Jess, and thankyou for your heartfelt reply. I always have learned from your posts since I started. This topic was was initiated by observing the word 'hate' when they initially post which they are more than entitled to of course.

Years ago I had a frail psychiatrist (who passed away in the late '80's) who tried to help me with 2 simple suggestions.....1) Have a couple of 'calmatives' in my wallet when I was in traffic just in case I needed them as a backstop...plan B etc...I never took them but the comfort that gave me was a bonus to enable me to work.

2) he also asked me to stop 'draining' my life source by saying the 'hate' word...Like you have mentioned Jess.

This psychiatrist was nearly 80 and still practicing when I was lucky enough to see him..I will always respect these little 'tips' he gave me .

Thankyou Jess for your understanding and always being there for so many others like myself. Paul x

[blondguy]

hello Starwolf, thankyou for your great take on the brain being it's own entity where self talk is concerned.

Starwolf said: "Since it is the puppeteer behind the curtain, the effects of this non-stop self-talk can be disastrous"

Thankyou Star for your care and wishes too Paul xx

[Just Sara]

Hi Paul and others;

In the midst of my breakdown 2 yrs ago, words were my enemy. I was completely detached from my body and spent many long and frightening months (minute by minute for the first couple) being attracted to words in all forms. The delusion of that time meant those words were specifically for me, and leading me to see how I was at risk, a target, victim and not safe in my skin. I didn't sleep and spent many hrs each night talking to myself and trying to analyse all the words. I feared I would perish in the depths of panic and helplessness.

Paul...the baby steps you speak of were absolutely crucial to my recovery in those days. Even though I was delusional, some intrinsic and all-knowing part of me kept an eye on the prize. Telling 'me' I did a good job getting through one day, was enough to encourage living the following day and so on. (tears)

This thread has reminded me just how far I've come, and that I am the amazing person I always wanted to be. I wrote an entry in my journal this morning on 'hard work'. I'd forgotten, probably intentionally, just how hard it was to face each day and not opt for the quick exit strategy.

I'm here and a living example of what hard work and determination can achieve when facing unimaginable adversity. The courage it took to fight for my own life is worthy of remembering. And; those words of encouragement I gave to me from that place of 'grace' we carry with us, are gold.

Our right to life was secured the moment we took our first breath, and each breath since is a privilege because we have choice. I choose life...

Words...how amazing

Dizzy xxx

[blondguy]

Hey Dizzy 🙂

What a wonderful response (post) and thankyou x

Dizzy said "I'm here and a living example of what hard work and determination can achieve when facing unimaginable adversity"

I love the way you articulate your feelings and life experience Dizzy....and your happy tears are a gift to this simple thread. I am a huge fan and bless your super kind heart for being here.

You always make me smile Dizzy when I am down..Paul xxx

[Just Sara]

Dear Paul;

🙂

It's 4am and I've just been on the phone to Lifeline. It seems my post here and writing in my journal have triggered some unpleasantness.

I've put a lot of pressure on myself of late, with expectations of doing too much and wanting that oh so nice instant gratification. Your thread has reminded me that kindness comes in many forms. For me tonight, it's patience and taking one small step at a time instead of overwhelming myself with big goals.

To Paul and others who've posted here, I needed a nudge to bring me back to my centre. Many thanks...

Dizzy xo

[blondguy]

Hey Dizzy...Im really sorry that you are in the dark tunnel with a flashlight that doesnt switch on....

Here for you....you will never be alone Dizzy

Megahugs if thats okay xxxx

Paul

[Just Sara]

Dear Paul;

Mega hugs are more than ok...no-one can have too many of those!

I went through a bit of a depressive mood but came out of it ok. Reminding me of small steps gave some relief from the pressure I'd placed on myself. I now only think about 'today' and leave the rest to fate. As we know, each decision creates our future. So doing right by me each day brings hope tomorrow will be a reflection of today's grace.

It doesn't take much to give to 'me' in way's that are simple pleasure's. When I looked at myself in the mirror and saw the pain in my face, I remembered just how difficult it is to see this in the eyes of others. I decided to do for me what I would do for others; encourage and support me through the tough times and share in the good.

I brought a pair of work boots yesterday and felt so comfortable in them. I have so much to do around my home and having those boots gives some sense of achievement.

I just posted on my thread about the 'see saw' balancing act and how I played as a child. Our toys have changed, but adult play is just as rewarding if we allow ourselves to have fun.

Going to the woman's shed this morning and so looking forward to the social contact.

Cheers...Dizzy xo (hugs)