Is it Losing Hope, Or is It Depression?

[Gorto72]

I've always considered myself to be in control of myself and my feelings.  I dont and never have felt like hurting myself or others, infact I'm the opposite.  I feel the need to help others before I help myself, I will go out of my way to do things - build things - help others - be there for others before I do for myself.  I begin my own projects and lose interest or findmyself just sitting and pondering over and over again how to do it to perfection. I'll do something and redo it again because its not to a high standard. Yet when I do it for someone else, I feel happier, I feel I need to get it done and I feel happier making other people happy..What takes me a day to do for someone else takes me 5 days to do for myself..???

I have a government job that requires me to be employed casual and I love my job. I dont feel pressure, I go to work with a belief that I mite actually help someone.  But its the management - Bosses who make me wonder my capabilities.  Recently I left my family for several months in the hope that I can prove I'm capable of the job, I'm prepared to do what it takes and I belong, after 4 yrs of trying.  Then a person 3 months as a casual get the job instead.  I worked hard, with pride and then again its all taken away, once again.   Now I have returned home and my partner whom I love more then life itself is constantly criticised by me or I get snappy at what she has to say for no reason.  I get up wanting to do things around the house that I have startted or need to do with einthusisium and excitment and then its gone.. 

I can see/feel my partner slowly being pushed away from me but she is a solid rock.  My Question is this...

Am I slipping into Depression or am I just giving up and how do you tell the difference?

[JessF]

hello Gorto72, in answer to your last question I don't think it matters what you call it, you've poured your heart and soul into work and had a knockback from idiot bosses. You understandably feel angry and resentful and you're doing what we all do from time to time, we lash out at those closest to us. I've done it, I am sure lots of people here have to.

Have you talked to your partner about how you are feeling at the moment and maybe apologised for pushing her away? Maybe for those projects around the house, if you are motivated by helping others, maybe you could 'do it for her'?

That's a short term fix, but I think it would be good for you to speak to someone to find out why you are not able to do things just for yourself and enjoy them. Its great to help others, but I have found that if you put all your eggs in one basket and rely on things that are out of your control to make you happy (like other people, be they work colleagues, bosses, family, friends) then you leave yourself open to being hurt.

Counselling is good for this sort of thing but I hope you might talk to us here as well as there are so many people here with lots of different life experiences and disappointments and stories, all still standing. You deserve to have a strong belief in yourself and what you can do, the next step is to try and learn not to give control of that over to others, like bosses at work who only care about themselves and are not fit to pass judgment on you.

[SGde3a]

Hi Gorto72,

Losing hope is a depressing thing. But in your case, I know well what you're feeling. During your childhood you were constantly harrassed about doing something properly... This eventually leaves you with apparitions in your head when you're doing work about how it just needs a little more constantly and constantly until you decide that its perfect, but it never is. There is always something else that could be made better. But doing this leads you to critise others this harshly as well. In this case its better to look at what you want to make it before you even start. Make it a goal such as "the first coat of paint" (Ie the first rough version), then walk away for a coffee or something (a break) then come back with a clear idea before you continue if need be.

Don't try to prove to anyone that you can do something where its not necessary to. You need to prove it to the person hiring you, but not your family. It's just a "fun fact" for your family's sake. If they are the source of your problems still (denying you can do a good job) then address that particular problem with them.

[Brett]

Hi Gorto72

Depression and losing hope can be one and the same. I would encourage you not to lose hope, keeping depression at a safe distance.

Brett.