I want to learn from the past and move forward!

[Doolhof]

Hi Everyone,

We have returned from our holiday. I can sit here and think about the things that did not go so well or I can remember the good and enjoyable parts and expand on them.

Now I am home, I have the opportunity to create new situations, experiences, circumstances and actions.

I don't need to return to the old way of doing life that did not work so well for me all the time. I have an opportunity to create a new and different existence and way of thinking!

I need to believe I can do this! I need to also realise life with depression and anxiety is part of my reality, I need to find and put in place actions and behaviours that will help me accept all of my life, the good, the bad and the not so pleasant.

Cheers to you all from Dools

[Doolhof]

Dear birdy,

I am so sorry to read that you too are experiencing a downward spiral. Don't you just wish some days the brain would give you a rest!

Some days those distractions work well don't they! Other days it does seem hard to put anything positive and helpful into place, that is when I tell myself I need to try a little harder.

Yesterday I had an attack of the blues trying to work out were I am heading with the employment agency. I decided to clean out some cupboards and also the drain in the shower.

I have longish hair, and the water was not draining so well. No wonder! The darn drain had a huge hair ball! Hopefully today it will work better once I helped it cough that darn thing up!

I asked my husband if he had any solutions to stopping my hair going down the drain and his reply was: "Shave your head!". Thanks!

I'm going to have a chat with my Dr at my next appointment and enquire as to why so many medications now seem to send me into a depressive and almost psychotic spiral. This last medication was HRT related. I felt like a lunatic, out of control and on such a bender on medication! It is ridiculous!

Anyway, feeling a bit better so will run with that and work on finding pleasant and rewarding things to do.

Wishing you a safe journey through what you are experiencing birdy. Some days can be tough, I certainly get that.

Is it possible for you to go out for a walk today or to just sit in a park or on a bench, maybe in the shade!

Thinking of you birdy, hugs if you want them, from Doolsey.

[therising]

Hi Dools

Found the following on a website: 'Some of estrogen's effects on the brain and nervous system include regulating neurotransmitter systems that affect mood, like serotonin, dopamine, epinephrine, and norepinephrine.' I imagine fine tuning the estrogen levels can be a little like fine tuning medication for depression; a little hit and miss based on the individual person. It's pretty incredible (and sometimes torturous) how our many internal systems interact with each other. Gut health is another one of those things, for example. Found the following on a different website: '...Another nutritional deficiency that may play a role in depression is a lack of the essential amino acid tryptophan. People with celiac disease may not be able to absorb enough of this important protein. Tryptophan is converted by your body into serotonin. Serotonin is a chemical that helps regulate your mood. Low levels of serotonin may be associated with depression.'

Yes, research is an obsession of mine! Sounds strange but I tend not to take things personally once I know how and why my body is behaving the way it is (easier said than done at times). What I mean is instead of saying to myself 'Gee, you're lazy!' I will do a bit of research so as to rephrase my words to 'If you continue to eat this or do that, the chemistry x,y,z will trigger this to happen in your brain, creating a sense of laziness/lack of motivation.' It becomes more about my chemistry and less about me, if that makes sense. By the way, I'm a bit of a mind/body/spirit gal, so I've come to believe and find that if one of these aspects of myself is off, either mind, body or spirit, it'll throw me out of balance in the other 2 areas in a number of ways.

Personal research can definitely be liberating, especially when our GP doesn't have the time to sit with us and explain some of the complex processes (relating to our issue) that he or she has learned during their years of university education. There is so much we humans just don't know about ourselves, leaving us to follow the lead of experts. One of my favourite authors, which I may have mentioned before, is Dr Joe Dispenza (I love him). His latest book 'Becoming Supernatural' is truly eye-opening, when it comes to how we tick.

Take care Dools!

[Doolhof]

Hi Therising,

Thank you so much for your very helpful, insightful and informative post! I did try to research the HRT medication and came up with a list of possible side effects. Depression being one of them. It was the psychotic thoughts happening on about day 4 of the medication that disturbed me. I have experienced them before taking other medication.

Coeliac disease can apparently affect so many different systems within our bodies! I did a little research on that as well, but had not come across the information you provided, so thanks again for that! I did read that in a person with Coeliac disease, our bodies attack themselves as the immune system sees gluten as a foreign substance it has to get rid of.

I too believe in the balance you mentioned of body mind and spirit. If one part isn't working or functioning well, it does effect our whole selves.

Regarding Drs. they are human like us and I can't possibly expect the Dr to know exactly what is wrong and how to fix it precisely. I am amazed at the knowledge my Dr does have! Think about the diverse people a Dr sees and how many conditions they have to deal with! It is mind boggling.

My system also does not tolerate medication for high blood pressure nor for lowering cholesterol. Both of these sent me loopy too! My Dr was actually not aware of the possible side effects of depression with these medications.

The depression was fine, the thoughts about wanting to blow the world up were a little more disturbing to cope with! Ha. Ha.

Cheers to you and thanks again for sharing what you discovered. Sometimes I have questions but don't know where to look for the answers!

Cheers from Dools

[Doolhof]

Today I am not doing so well.

Last month the receptionist at the psychologist phoned to say my appointment was being changed as the psychologist was no longer working in my area on a Mondays so I had to wait until the end of the month for another appointment.

Then I received a text message Friday asking if I was attending my appointment for Monday 4th. I tried to telephone to enquire what was going on and could only leave a message. I received no call back until AFTER the scheduled time of the appointment today that apparently was still scheduled when I had been told it was cancelled!

I have also been told this psychologist is now going to be charging a $100.00 gap even with a mental health care plan!

I still don't know if I actually have an appointment at the end of the month or not nor what day it is!

I give up! What is the point of trying to get help if you just get messed around?

This has really messed with my head today.

Last week it was an employment agency that never bothered to call back to say if I was accepted as a client of theirs or not. The guy said I had to telephone the lady to speak to her. The lady told me I had to talk to the guy.

he Dr who last year said she would organise an operation for me, this year told me the operation is not possible.

I'm tired of being stuffed around and don't have much patience left. I don't like the way I am feeling right now so I am venting.

Running out of resilience!

[therising]

Hi Dools

Imagine hearing

• Psychologist's office - 'We apologise for for such poor communication, which has greatly inconvenienced you. Your next session will be sooner rather than later to make up for this. We will also provide you with a detailed breakdown of the charges; feel free to challenge them'
• Employment agency - 'We apologise for such poor communication which has greatly inconvenienced you. We are working harder than ever to make up for this. Are you able to meet with us tomorrow or at your earliest convenience?'
• Doctor - 'I apologise for having given you false hope. In order to make up for this, I'm going to restore your hope and faith in the way of helping you manage this condition'

Why is it that we actually have to request to be treated with more consideration and respect?

I have a couple of people in my life who tend to not make requests because they're more so into commanding respect. They have pretty high self-esteem. Their mantra is along the lines of 'You must believe in what you deserve before you set out to obtain it'. My female friend is a 'take no prisoners' sort of person whereas my male friend is a 'catch more flies with honey before you (verbally) swat them if need be' sort of guy. They've both worked in managerial positions throughout their life and therefor recognise the need for managing people. They would definitely challenge the poor and unprofessional communication of others, the massive increase in fees regarding the psychologist, the inefficiency of the employment agency and the possibly initial bad call from the doctor regarding surgery (aka providing false hope). I wish I could confidently say that this is the approach I would take but with me currently working on increasing my self-esteem, my baby steps haven't quite got me to this point. I still have to fully let go of allowing people to treat me as they see fit.

Yes, we definitely deserve better. You deserve better! I'm now smiling at the thought that just popped into my head - walking into the psychologist's office and employment agency calling out 'Who's running this circus?! And, no, I'm not prepared to speak to the clowns!' Ha, ha! Imagine that.

If people are unable to see reason and negotiate a solution, sometimes we just have to let them go and move on to dealing with more reasonable people (for our own sake). And whilst patience can definitely be a virtue, running out of it can be a sign that it's time for us to change how me manage the people around us.

[Doolhof]

Hi therising,

Thank you. I think what really threw me yesterday was how rapidly I disintegrated and how one issue started to feed off another and the downward spiral did not stop until after I had a melt down and cried for ages.

I did email the psychologist and explained what had happened. She responded saying she will no longer be working in our area from a date later in the month. The receptionist had cancelled my appointment with me over the phone but not from the psychologists schedule!

It was an error. If I was in a better state of mind I would have accepted that and coped better. Yesterday instead I was in a mess.

Why is it so hard at times to put in place the strategies and techniques that we know will help us?

The new employment agency I was trying to contact has dismissed me from their files.

The Dr told me there was nothing further she could offer.

I need to accept these decisions. I can not change these outcomes but I can change how I react and think about them! Oh to have had this wisdom yesterday when I was falling apart rapidly!

Thanks therising for your perspective!

Low self-esteem, depression and BPD make life interesting and a struggle at times!

Cheers from Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi again,

I do like the idea about the circus comment. Thanks for that. It did make me smile!

[Doolhof]

Horrible thoughts keep invading my mind.

I wish they would just disappear and not come back!

I can't find the off button!

[Ggrand]

Dearest Mrs Dools..

Im so very sorry your struggling so much with your horrible thoughts...

The off button...Please let’s look for it together..let’s start by walking down to those cute sheep and talking to them and giving them a pat...then let’s look in the garden in amongst the brightly coloured flowers, or hiding in your coloured pencils while you colouring...or maybe it’s in your head phones while your listening to a favourite song that you can sing along with...please try Mrs Dools...to find a distraction away from those horrible thoughts...

When youre constantly having horrible thoughts you might feel there is no return. you might feel there is nothing that will put you in a better mood. But, think about all of the people who love you and who are here for you.who want to help you, and their is so many...here at B.B. that do love and care for you dear lady...It's not always easy but think about all the good things we have around you...You have friends, family, work mates, and even pets who love you unconditionally...When it feels like you can't turn your mood around, think of these people and your cat and how important your happiness is to them and their happiness is to you...

Hang on to us Mrs Dools, were all here for you holding your hand...I’m also sitting with you along with Birdy...

Can you ring your dr that gave you the meds..speak to him/her and let them know what’s happening to you...please...

You are a huge inspiration to me and all the others here that are walking along side of you on your journey..

You are much stronger then you think Mrs Dools, you can get passed this..I believe in you dear lady..please hun believe in you as well..

Just taking hold of your hand and not letting you go..your such a , caring, loving, kind, compassionate and beautiful lady Mrs Dools...We got you, and we will get you through this phase...

Sending you love and hugs..💜🤗.

Grandy

[Ggrand]

Oh..not sure what happened, it went a page forward as I was talking to you...I was suddenly reading a post from Birdy on the previous page..and thought a reply came to you while I was writing my words out...I know if Birdy knew you are not well now she would be sitting with you. as would everyone else...

Really sorry about the mix up...

Grandy...