I want to learn from the past and move forward!

[Doolhof]

Hi Everyone,

We have returned from our holiday. I can sit here and think about the things that did not go so well or I can remember the good and enjoyable parts and expand on them.

Now I am home, I have the opportunity to create new situations, experiences, circumstances and actions.

I don't need to return to the old way of doing life that did not work so well for me all the time. I have an opportunity to create a new and different existence and way of thinking!

I need to believe I can do this! I need to also realise life with depression and anxiety is part of my reality, I need to find and put in place actions and behaviours that will help me accept all of my life, the good, the bad and the not so pleasant.

Cheers to you all from Dools

[Doolhof]

Hey birdy,

Yu are more than welcome to share your experience here on this thread. I have created this thread for myself and also for everyone to share if they would like to. Like Paul writes All are welcome to share and join in! (something like that anyway)

I do appreciate your comments, I have seen something similar before, I am sure some people just don't think, surely they can't be that selfish! Or can they! Ha. Ha.

Yes, I will be sure to add enough food to my plate first before I openly share what I have. Makes good sense.

I do so hope you and your partner are able to enjoy your Christmas despite what is going on around you! Make sure you have enough food as well on your plates! Sometimes I think we need to politely stand up for ourselves a little more.

A lady today could not understand that just a teaspoon of non gluten free corn flour in a pavlova can make someone with Coeliac disease ill. Some people just don't understand.

I may well make mistakes too if I needed to provide food for someone requiring a vegan diet, due to ignorance not malice. It doesn't take much to ask questions though does it to find out what is suitable. I understand it may be like that for all diet requirements.

Either way, wishing you a "delicious" Christmas!

Cheers from Dools

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Dools (and a wave to all your lovely supporters),

Good work getting some housework done. You have such a beautiful outlook. It’s contagious and makes me smile 🙂

Your hope journal sounds like it’s going to be very creative with the nature pictures, poetry and short stories. I bet leafing through it, especially on rough days, will bring you some much needed comfort.

Actually, I’m pretty sure that I’ve seen a Christmas thread. I haven’t contributed to it, but there’s definitely one. Maybe look in the social or staying well section? I’m guessing that’s where it is 🙂

It does sound very upsetting to know that you won’t be provided any gluten free food provided by your mum. I wonder why that is. Reasons aside, it would still be very frustrating...

Pepper xoxo

[Doolhof]

Hi Pepper,

I will have a look for that Christmas thread, thanks.

Yesterday I worked on my journal for a while as my husband was watching the cricket. I found a picture of a couple of deck chairs. I stuck the picture in my journal and will write people's names underneath. Sometimes I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to, so if I see a list of names I will be reminded that is just my depression talking!

It is my Mother in law and my husband's family who are not providing food for me. They keep telling me I am not part of the family, so guess it is just too hard for them to make an effort re my dietary needs. I am going to take along food I can enjoy.

I've wasted enough time already feeling disappointed and hurt, no point in making myself any more miserable!

Today I am going to put up the Christmas tree and the nativity scene.

Tomorrow after Church I will check out the supermarket in the next town over and see what gluten free goodies they may have for Christmas.

Yesterday I was feeling really low so I am going to try and have things planned to do today!

Everyone, hope your Christmas preparation are coming together!

Cheerio from Dools

[Birdy77]

Dear Dools,

The way your husband's mother and family treat you sounds very cruel.

No wonder you feel disappointed and hurt.

It is another testament to your resilience that you continue to show up there even though you're told you are not part of the family.

My partner's parents introduce me as my partner's "friend" if any visitor comes over when I'm there. So I kind of understand, although it's more subtle in my case.

People, hey?! I wish I could cocoon myself at Christmas time, away from them all. It's going to be a challenge to say the least, sounds like it will be for you too.

Let's pile our plates high and try to have a good day despite what is happening around us.

We can share survival stories afterwards!

I like your idea of writing down names of people under the deck chairs.

Don't forget you have many, many forum friends who admire and respect you and would love to sit on a deck chair with you and listen to you if you need to talk.

🌻birdy

[Doolhof]

Dear birdy,

Hi. I am trying to put on a brave face, but some days I am all broken on the inside!

I don't want o go back to where I was a couple of months ago, in a very dark place and struggling immensely!

Finding the ability to do much and be motivated is a bit difficult at times.

Yesterday I did manage to make it to Church on time and a couple of ladies invited me to join them for a coffee after in a café which was lovely.

In the early evening I drove myself back into town and joined in with a different Churches Christmas Evening. It was held out in a park and people brought along their own chairs and blankets. I didn't know a single person there.

The singing was beautiful, people acted out the nativity play and the children were adorable. A couple of the children playing sheep were very funny with some of their antics. The littlest angels were adorable.

I was so pleased with myself that I went. It was a bittersweet moment, so I will concentrate on the happy thoughts and feelings the evening gave me.

Today I have a counselling session, something caller "Narrative Therapy" done through a teleconference set up in a town 50 kilometres away.

I hope to buy some Christmas goodies while I am in that town.

Hope your plans are coming along okay!

Cheers from Dools

[Doolhof]

The teleconference Narrative Therapy session went okay.

The lady wrote down a lot of what I said and help me clarify some of my thinking and the way I look at my life.

She highlighted a lot of what I already know about myself, so it will be interesting to see where this leads. I will have another session with her in January.

One thing that was highlighted is that I need to believe in myself more and not have so many self doubts!

Right. Time to find that bold coloured cape, fasten it around my neck and allow it to fill me with a sense of power! Watch out world here I come! Mrs. Dools, full of confidence and bravado!

Maybe that will be my gift to myself, allowing myself to have a new sense of who I can be and work on achieving that!

Yah! Go me!

Cheers all from Dools

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Dools (and a wave to all),

I like the sound of your superhero(ine) cape. I think it’s inspiring that you’re trying to give yourself permission to do/be who you need or want to be, rather than seeking that “permission” or approval externally 🙂

You clearly covered a lot of ground in your narrative therapy session. I think it’s great how you’re trying to understand your own thought process better. Good for you...I feel self awareness is an excellent quality!

I really liked your idea of the deck chairs and names. That will be very comforting when you’re feeling lonely...

I hope you put up your tree and nativity scene the other day 🙂

Pepper xoxo

[therising]

Hi Dools

First, want to say how inspiring everyone is here, yourself included of course.

Second, your mother-in-law sounds a little 'smudgy'. I believe if we're looking to other people to reflect the truth as to who we are, some of the mirrors we're looking to can definitely be smudgy. A smudge of ignorance here, a smudge of thoughtlessness there and so on. Before we know it, there's no way we can ever hope to see a reflection of our true self when looking to certain folk for feedback. Yep, your MIL is a smudgy one by the sound of it! Wonder how she'd go if you suggested to her that she clean herself up a little before interacting with someone as truly beautiful as yourself 🙂

Watch out for the smudgy folk Dools, there's plenty of 'em out there. When you look to those who clearly reflect your own true nature, you will know them in a heartbeat. Like you, they're the one's who bring out the best in people. They'll reflect you in their acts of compassion, their longing for evolution and their open-mindedness. We tend to click with the 'clean mirror' people.

By the way, doing the vegan thing this Christmas (bit of a health related experiment lately which is having a positive impact) and I tell you now, that dish I bring along shall be truly fantastic indeed. It will be my response to the usual question 'Why don't you eat 'normal' food?' It will be evidence that my food choices are not normal because they're just too incredibly sensational to be regarded as 'normal'. Dools, I suggest decorating your dish like it is the guest of honour - tinsel, glitter, the works! Let it reflect the true guest of honour - YOU. Everyone will be lucky to have you there, a legend on a conscious quest of evolution (a rare breed).

And, yes, some just don't understand. It's not necessarily the lack of understanding that's frustrating, it's more so the disinterest in regard to seeking an education (on the topic in question). Super frustrating given the fact that with greater understanding, compassion is often the outcome.

Take care

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Dools (and a wave to all),

I think that I wrote a post. Though I may have cancelled it accidentally. I can’t remember...

In the mean time, I just wanted to say that I’m reading, listening and that, like many others, I care 🙂

Pepper xoxo

[Doolhof]

Hi therising, Pepper and all who may be reading,

Thanks for some wonderful insights from you both. Sometimes I forget that I have the right to be myself and I don't have to be whom I think other people may think I should be! Or who I think they think I am! Goodness me, how my mind can complicate who I think I am!

The session with the Narrative Therapy did help me see just where some of my thinking and beliefs go in my mind.

Last night I took myself to a community Christmas event. My husband did not want to attend and that was okay. On a not so good day I would not have had the courage to go by myself or would have thought I didn't deserve to go! Where do those warped thoughts come from!

I placed my chair next in the row and the man next to me had a chat for quite a while, then a lady and her Mum sat on the other side and she had a chat as we waited for the event to begin. After the event another lady had a bit of a chat.

I allowed myself to be there and to enjoy the evening. I didn't sit there battling my thoughts over and over again!

I don't need other people to tell me I am good enough! I am good enough just as I am!

Right! Now to try to live that thought each day!

Thanks again to you both for helping me to gain greater insight!

Cheers from Dools

Pepper, yes I did put up the tree and the nativity scene. I have even decided to join my own family for Christmas on Saturday. It will be a 5 hour journey one way so I am staying at my parents for two nights. My husband has to work so can't make it.

Cheers.