I can't cope being alone - I use drink to cope with how I feel

[Guest_50030126]

Hey,

This is my first time posting and I'm hoping this is the right place to say this. I am 33, work long hours in advertising. Have wonderful friends, my family is in another country but I am loved.

I just can't seem to feel the same way about myself and I really don't understand how to do it. I hate being on my own, nothing really brings me joy. I distract myself with work, or alcohol in the evenings. I've tried everything - writing, cooking, excercise classes, painting, reading, therapy, medication etc. tried watch tv etc but nothing calms my mind in the evenings when I'm alone - so I turn to drink.

I am told that I need to love myself and should enjoy being on my own but I don't and I feel like it's getting worse and worse recently. I can't let go of my ex either and I know I put too much emphasis on how he feels about me. If he loves me and is happy with me, that gives me all my validation. Having his attention is an addiction in itself.

I just am really lost, feeling so lonely and sad but have no motivation to talk to my friends, or ask them to come and see me. I have so many messages to reply to and it's too overwhelming so i'm hoping this forum might help.

I want to know to love myself, be happy, and when it gets to the evenings not just drink myself to sleep or to quiet my mind. I joined this today, and downloaded Daybreak. But I'm worried about this evening and how to get through today where I don't have work or not drink.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Guest_50030126
 
Welcome to the Forums! We are so glad that you have found us here. You have a lot on your plate at the moment and it is great that you are reaching out.
 
We want to acknowledge the incredible effort that you are putting in to helping yourself feel better. This can take a huge amount of effort when we are not feeling our best and we hope that this is something you can feel proud of.
 

We can hear how your drinking is worrying you. Do you have a trusted GP that you can talk this through with? It sounds like you have been dealing with a lot of this all on your own and you deserve some support. An option if you wanted to talk more in-depth is Counselling Online – an online chat counselling for people affected by alcohol or other drug use.  We also recommend our friends at National Alcohol and Other Drug Hotline – who offer telephone referral to local services. 

If you’d prefer to reach out to us, we’re on 1300 22 4636, or you can use our webchat here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/  
 
It can be really tough trying to manage relationships when we are not feeling our best. Even if we want to reach out, thinking about responding to all of those unread messages can be really overwhelming.  Sometimes it can help to think about what  might be the smallest step forward. For example, responding to one message to a friend that you feel might be a good support right now. Whatever you can manage, we hope that you can treat yourself with kindness and celebrate the small wins.
 
Thanks again for sharing. We hope you'll hear back from the lovely community in response to your post sometime today and that there's some comfort in that for you.  
  
Kind regards,   

Sophie M

[therising]

I feel for you so much as you try and navigate the way forward toward loving yourself. It can definitely be a challenging thing to achieve at times, that's for sure. I think one of the things that can make it so hard to achieve involves a lack of knowledge and skills in coming to do it. While there are plenty of skills we're taught growing up, like how to tie our shoe laces, how to develop manners, how to communicate in certain ways etc, one thing most of aren't taught and that is the skill set involved in coming to truly love our self. As an adult, it becomes a matter of 'Okay, let's do this. Now, where do I start?'.

As a 53yo gal, over the years I've come to absolutely love parts of myself, just as I've come to seriously dislike parts of myself. While I'm far from being a fan of my inner critic or the saboteur in me, amongst other aspects, I absolutely thrive on channeling the researcher in me, the wonderer in me (that leads me to wonder about anything fascinating), the adventurer, the philosopher, the clown or comedian and the list goes on. If you were to ask me 'Do you love yourself?', my answer would be 'There are some parts of myself I struggle to live with and some parts I can't live without. The parts I can't live without are the parts I love the most'. Learning to trigger to life the facets I love the most has become a part of the challenge. Learning what or who triggers the less lovable parts is another challenge worth mastering.

I've found that time is one of the keys to self love. Through time, there's the chance to experiment when it comes to bringing new parts of our self to life. It's like you could name 50 different facets of self and then say 'Over time, I will experiment with each one, so as to see which I love and which do nothing for me'. The squash player, the interstate or overseas traveler/adventurer, the lover of culinary delights (aka 'emotional eater'), the poet, the all sports adrenaline junkie, philosopher, meditator, yoga practitioner, researcher etc etc can make up just part of the list. There is a lifetime to devote to discovering aspects of our self we truly and absolutely love. There will always be facets we are yet to meet with, those facets that are champing at the bit to come to life. Figuring out the best people to help us bring them to life means finding guides or sources of inspiration.  🙂❤️