How to cope

[Suzie_Q]

I work in a nursing home and there’s obviously traumatising things that happen. Earlier in the year we had a Covid outbreak and unfortunately lost a fair few residents which broke me. We’ve just had Covid cases again in our facility and I feel like my mind is going into a breakdown about it, the fear of losing people I care about scares me so much. I know it’s life and I know it’s why they are in homes, to go eventually anyway. I get so emotionally attached to these people, like I would give them my world. How do I learn to cope with this? I don’t normally talk about things, I hold it all in and I feel like I’ve been breaking down a lot more in the last year because of it. I just need some ways to cope with it.

thanks for listening, I feel safe here and not judged. 

[Croix]

Dear Suzie_Q~

I read your other thread about your friend and think you are a very caring and empathetic person, which can be very hard on you, but is something the people in your nursing home could hardly do wihtout.

Of course you are gong to suffer grief when those you are wiht every day pass away, in fact it's quite normal to suffer grief in advance of the event.  I guess there has to be a balance that allows you to care, but at the  dame time does not damage you - so you can keep on going and not feel it is all bad, in fact good at times.

Talks with either an understanding supervisor or those you work with on a frequent basis can help enormously. To know others feel the same, there is strenght in not being alone.

By rights the home should organize this as part of staff welfare, however that is not always the case, and even if it is staff may feel they cannot really open up as they might feel they are jeopardizing their jobs.

You would know best who to talk to in the home -if it is practical. Otherwise private counseling  outside the  home might be an option.

The other thing is to value what you do, and many times one simply does not think of what one does in those terms. Smoothing a wrinkled sheet that may have caused discomfort all day can be a real blessing -but you might just do that automatically without realizing how important that simple action was.

When you are away from the home please try to keep it separated from the rest of your life - rather than it taking over. Looking after yourself wiht exercise, nutrition, good sleep and interactions wiht friendsds and family if possible.

I find simply having something I enjoy -a book, a movie, a tv show, music, walking a pet, whatever. If you can do a little of this towards the end of the day it is something to look forward to and is a reward -which you deserve.

I hope we talk some more

Croix

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I see you have a thoughtful reply from Croix already.

I can only add one thing, that there could be reasons valid enough to change professions.

Prior to 1987 I had worked in fields like RAAF, Prisons, Dog ranger and the like. Then all my world feel down when I was faced with corruption on a small scale which was challenging my integrity. I fought it and although I lost my job eventually I was praised by many. During that time I sought therapy and to my surprise I was assessed as not being suitable for quasi law enforcement due to my black and white thinking processes.

I changed professions to jobs like Sheltered workshop supervisor, Telstra and others. I see clearer now as to why I wasnt suited.

Having high empathy as Croix pointed out is a great personal quality however if you cannot cope with this part of the job it would be wise to consider your mental health well being with "avoidance is better than cure" approach.

I'm glad you found this site helpful and non judgemental. Enjoy 2023.

TonyWK

[geoff]

Hello Suzie_Q, working in a nursing home has been devastating not only for the workers but also for the residents who are in a position that's the best care these people can have and you do get attached to these people who are able to tickle your sense of humour, and unfortunately when some of these people pass away, it would set you back and be unable to talk about it with other workers who are there just to gain an income and have little feelings for some of these residents.

I know when my Mum wa alive it would be sad to know that some special person had died because what she did kept most of us intrigued, Mum however was unaware of this happening.

There is a 'grief line' 1300 845 745 you can ring to talk with a counsellor or a forum where you can add your story or perhaps help other people who are experiencing a grave loss, this could benefit you once you have a look at it, because people would be in a similar position as how you are feeling.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Suzie-Q

I don’t have much to add to the already kind and constructive replies above. But just wanted to say I empathise with you greatly as I would be exactly like you - caring deeply about every resident and feeling their vulnerability. I was recently considering a job in an environment that included residential and hospice care. Due to the fact I’m in recovery from multiple losses in my life and dealing with my own health issues I decided not to take it because I’ve realised it would be too hard for me to manage at this point.

 I wonder if there is a way for you to reduce your hours to give yourself more time for self-care (if financially viable) and possibly give you time to reassess future work options? As Tony was saying, sometimes reconsidering what work you do is an option. I’m sure you are a great asset to the residents you work with and the world needs people with the sensitivity and empathy you have. But also you don’t want to burn out and negatively impact your own well being.

Alternatively, if you can find more space and time to ground and nurture yourself outside of work you may find it easier to bring greater calm and equanimity to your work environment - being aware of what you realistically can and can’t change and just being as present as you can be with the people you care for when with them, but also letting go of feeling responsible beyond what you can actually humanly do.

It’s important to communicate how you feel and not hold it all inside. Take care.