How do you not let others negative comments hurt you

[quirkywords]

Hello

i am not sure if anyone can relate. 
I get upset when I feel people are being critical of me but I worry I am over reacting.

people say let it go take a deep breath.

so what do you do when someone is critical.

How do you cope.?

[white knight]

Hi Quirky 

If I was in that situation, I'm sure that person would have less respect for me than he/she should and/or has a need to dominate. Either way, it's unacceptable.  Sorry.

TonyWK

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Quirky

It’s definitely unacceptable if there is shouting or swearing and sometimes walking away is the best and safest thing in that situation. If you are respectfully indicating that you want to communicate amicably and that you cannot do that while they are behaving as they are, and their behaviour still escalates, just calmly walking away can be the best thing. Sometimes that makes them angry too, but you just need to take care of you. It’s like they are trying to make their anger your problem when it is not.

I think when it comes to criticism it really can be solved all at an energetic level where once we have our own inner calm and groundedness, we can meet whatever comes to us in a calm and non/stressful way. On my own journey I’m finding that keeps coming back to nurturing, supporting and protecting my inner child. It’s like if judgemental criticism comes my way I can protect my inner being the same way I’d protect an actual child external to me. Then a kind of caring, responsible instinct kicks in and manages things.

But it’s still a work in progress and I’m still learning and developing this capacity, and I can still lose my parenting self that protects the vulnerable child. But I know I can find that parent self again and just keep learning and growing and building the skills for handling these interpersonal situations.

[james1]

Hello quirkywords,

Your comments linking how you feel, and your current ability to deal with negative comments, is so insightful. Having a bad day can wreck even the 'strongest' of people on that day. I guess it's why the usual suggestions of, walking away, taking time off, or finding distractions, can often be the best things to do. It gives us time to recover and feel more ready to face negative comments again.

James

[quirkywords]

Thanks everyone for your comments.

james and Tony

I wonder if there is a middle road between confronting the negative comments and walking away.

[james1]

Interesting question. I guess the way I think about it is the middle ground is being courteous, and allowing yourself internally to consider it later rather than just outright rejecting it.

I think if we're generous to whomever is commenting, we could allow that their words might actually provide something for us to learn from. We're just not currently in a position to learn from it, so it's about telling ourselves, "not now, maybe later." 

I'm not sure there's a middle ground with how to deal with others as that depends on how they are dealing with us. I don't like confrontation, so I tend to lean on courteously acknowledging that they have voiced their opinion, even just saying "ok" if they are particularly pushy, and then moving on. How rude and confrontational I get depends on whether they are willing to drop it or not. I think most people will just drop it, but every now and then you find someone who is trying to create an argument. I don't really like getting feedback from them, because it's not often given with the intention to help...

[quirkywords]

Thank James for your suggestions.. They make sense.