How are you coping?

[Sawyer]

Hi everybody,

Just a quick post to see how everyone is doing? Lifes been pretty hectic for me lately with uni and work, and i've regretted not being online on these forums more. I'm looking forward to being available more once my thesis is submitted, but in the mean time i'm going to do my best to set aside some more time to come onto the forums and be available to anyone who would like to talk through whats going on with you, coping strategies, or advice. 

I'm not yet a professional clinician, but I have a degree in psychology, am working towards a clinical masters and I'm willing to help in any way I can. So on that note, how are we all going? lets talk about what's going on for you.

Cheers,

Sawyer

[Sawyer]

Hi Morning,

I understand well the need for a safe haven, or something we can hold onto when times get bad. But we should be careful not let safety become a negative thing that feeds into and further worsens our condition. I'm not saying that this is what is for you, I often have times where I need quiet, routine and something familiar to calm myself down. But becoming 100% reliant on anything can sometimes be as dangerous as the problem that caused it, if you understand my logic? anyway, just something to keep in mind.

Homelessness can be very troubling, particularly with all the horror happening in Europe right now. I feel so sorry for those Syrian refugees, the reports we get in the media back here provide only a glimpse into the hardships they must be enduring. It's easy to feel guilty for what we have when faced with those who have so little, and i'm afraid I don't have an easy answer for you, other than to say that giving and helping within your means, and sustainably so, is the best way to help in the long term for all of us. It's no help to those in need if we ourselves end up incapable of helping others because we have gone to far, in fact we have talked about something similar to that in this thread in regard to psychologists and health professionals becoming burnt out.

Rather than making yourself feel guilty, and vilifying your mental state because you are "better off" than those people, try to use it in a positive way. Next time you start feeling depressed, or anxious about something in your life, stop and think, "hey, maybe it isn't so bad, I have the tools to overcome this problem, and the capability to do it".

I'm glad you have resolved your disagreement with your daughter. It is completely natural for people to clash when in small unfamiliar spaces together, particularly when one, maybe both, people are struggling. As I said, its never to late to admit when we are at fault, apologise, and make amends. Sometimes that's the best we can do, and that's okay.

Nice to hear from you,

Sawyer

[Doolhof]

Hi Sawyer,

Sometimes it is difficult to find the right balance in life. I am sure you do feel disadvantaged in some ways by living a greater distance out of the city. Having to work to fund your study is also another hurdle. In the end you will have an amazing sense of achievement once you do have your Masters.

Are there places near you where you can ask for the opportunity to be involved so you can gain more experience? Do you have a particular line of research that you would like to become involved in? Is there one side of mental health that really interests you?

Is it possible or practical for you to move closer to the city? I know that is not always possible or suitable.

Hopefully you will be able to work out which direction you need to travel in and life will become a little easier for you and more settled.

I have been given the opportunity to partake in 6 months of study in the aged care field, all paid for by the Government! It is an amazing opportunity, but like you I am wondering how I am going to fit it in.

It is supposed to be a full time on line learning course that I am expected to complete in 6 months. The problem is I will still be working and I also do the majority of everything around the house and garden. I have had a couple of restless nights trying to work out how I will fit it all in.

I am hoping that my husband might step up and be prepared to help out a little more. He is only working one day a week at present but seems to find it unnecessary to help out with many things around the house and garden.

That is a whole different story! Ha. Ha.

I wish you all the best with your study and hope that opportunities come your way.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools 

[Sparkles183]

Hi Sawer 

thank you for your reply the other day, I apologise that I did not reply earlier lets just say my emotions has been weird and my concentration has almost vanished. 

I have another appointment on Friday and I think she is great and very professional, when she asked if I done breathing exercises she very quickly realised I associate with my first psych, so that is a good thing that she understood that.

the problem I been having since the visit to my current psych it has been triggering memory's or flashbacks whatever u want to call it of how unprofessional my first psych was, I guess I blame myself in someways   For going back to him for therepy even after feeling uncomfortable with his work after the first session, and comparing  both psychs she is way more professional then he ever was and she knows how to keep her distant which is very help considering what I am going through, so I guess I will just talk to her on Friday, because these  reoccurring memories that  went on during the sessions and has been keeping me awake at night.              

Thanks for listening 

sparkles 

[Guest_9466]

Hi Sawyer,

 Thank you for your insightful feedback. Two days back in London and I felt like I am going downhill fast. Thank goodness it won't be like long before we head to Paris for a few days and then, back to Sydney by end of the month. Not sure why the UK brings such angst for me? I have been reflecting on this troubled thought for a bit. My conclusion is that, tried as I might, I get dragged into the past. 

 A lot of people have said (to me), don't revisit the past, the past is past, ect, ect., So easy to say but so much harder to follow. My experience is that inevitably, sometimes, unknowingly, I slipped into the past.....how else do I account for the fact that I felt sad and anxious, whenever I visited the UK? It can only be the fact that I get dragged into past memories. I came to London when I was 18 from another culture and a completely different environment. It was the most exciting as well as the most horrendous time of my life, once the excitement faded after a few months, and reality sets in. 

Without going into too much details, in a lot of ways, I can empathised with the situations of the refugees, the feeling of being trapped in a hopeless situation in one's own country, the sense of not belonging in another and worst of all, the dread of being regarded as the 'other'.

 I wish you well in your studies and remember to factor in some 'me' time.

 MG

[Weksi]

Hi Sawyer, 

This is my first post. I decided to join the forum as I am at a low point in my life and have no support. I live with my partner who does not have the capacity to understand my struggles (or perhaps, unwilling).

I decided to join the forum as I have hit the lowest point in my life and it worried me knowing that at this point in time, death does not scare me. I am not suicidal, but I am concerned about my mental health.

This year (2015) has been terrible for me as I found myself unable to secure gainful employment, recovering from a difficult surgery and having lost my best friend (my dog who has been with me for the past 13 years). My family are all overseas and for the past 13 years, it has just been me and my dog. We have been through thick and thin.

My mother suicided a few years ago after a long battle with mental illness. I hate it when people with this knowledge automatically assume that I got the "disease" too and simply need to get on medications. They fail to see that I have not always been down and that my current low moods are due to the undeniable fact that my current situation is far from ideal. For this reason, I no longer speak about my mother's suicide with doctors.

My emotional pain and struggles are real and I joined this forum hoping I can interact with people who acknowledge and understand this. I am tired of my partner thinking that it is all just me being "negative".

[Doolhof]

Hi Sparkles,

I haven't been spending a lot of time on the forum lately, and just popped by to see what was happening on this thread. I have noted the date you posted your message and see that Sawyer has not been here lately either. Hopefully Sawyer is okay.

So how are you getting on with the psych? I do hope she is able to help you and you can find solutions to ease your problems.

My husband and I saw a marriage guidance counsellor and both decided he is not the guy for us. He made some really strange comments that made us both feel uncomfortable. It is a shame as I had really hoped he would be able to help us.

In a way he did as we now know that his style is not for us! Ha. Ha. I also used the opportunity of the drive home to chat more to my husband openly about stuff so that was beneficial.

I hope you are sleeping better. When you have these thoughts that keep you awake, can you get up for a while and read a book to stop those thoughts from going round and around. Or do a word puzzle or Sudoku, something that will take your mind else where.

Then when you do return to bed try and think of something nice. I know it is not easy to shut your mind off, but it helps me. I think of all the lovely things that have happened over the years and tell God how thankful I am. Or I picture how I would love my garden to look in my thoughts.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Sawyer,

I was just cruising through the forum and noticed you have not posted here for a while. I am just hoping that you are doing okay.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Morning Glory,

How are you getting on? You may well and truly be back in Sydney now it has been a while since you posted your message.

It can be difficult when we feel like we don't fit in somewhere. I hope you are feeling a  lot more settled again now.

I was born in and grew up in a small community. My parents were not from that area, so even though I was born there I was not considered a local! Some people have a really different way of looking at the world. I left that place when I was 17.

When I return to my home town I quite often feel uneasy and not at all comfortable with being there. So I try to combat those emotions and do the things that I enjoy in my old region.

My husband and I have now moved to a small community from the city. We have been here for nearly three years. The other day I was told by a neighbour that because I was not born here, my comment does not matter. I just thought to myself that it is a shame for someone to have such a closed mind.

If everyone in this town who was not born here was to leave, then the town would be hugely depleted.

I hope you are able to find happiness and a sense of self-worth where ever you are!

Cheers, from Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Weksi,

I have just noticed your post here and see that you have not received a reply as yet. I am wondering if you would think of making up your own post, that way you might have more people respond to you.

I'm sorry your dog died. It is really tragic when we loose such a wonderful companion and friend. I know another dog will never replace the mate you have lost, but is it possible for you to get another dog? Maybe it is too soon for you to contemplate that.

My husband and I both suffer from depression. I try to be there for my husband when he is feeling down, but he just doesn't seem to be able to reciprocate. I don't hold that against him, he just doesn't know how to show compassion and understanding.

So even though he too has depression, he is not able to help me the way I need to be helped and understood. Not everyone understand depression. I don't understand it myself at times, so it is hard for someone who does not suffer to comprehend how another person is feeling.

Having someone in the family or a close friend suicide is a difficult thing to understand and comprehend. We will never know why the person has finally decided that taking their own life was the only answer. I have been very suicidal myself in the past and am so thankful I never went through with my thoughts.

It may be a wise thing to not tell the Doctors about your Mum, that way they will concentrate on your issues and concerns. How have you been trying to deal with your issues? Would you like to share more here on how you are feeling and what is happening or not happening in your life?

Have you tried some of the phone help lines like here at Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline 13 11 41.

I certainly find that it helps me to chat with people about how I am feeling. I hope you have not given up on reaching out to people on this forum. As I mentioned previously, starting your own thread should help you to receive more responses.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Sawyer]

Hi Weksi,

First off, my apologies for taking so long to respond. I haven't been on the forums much lately as I'm in the middle of a very busy couple of weeks at the end of my degree. Things have been a little hectic as i've been trying to volunteer my time more as well out in the real world, which has left me a little stretched. But it was kind of Mrs. Dools to respond to you in my absence. I hope this message finds you safe and well.

I'm sorry to hear that you have hit a low point, it sounds like you've had a tough year but you should know you aren't alone in this. I understand completely the stress and anxiety that arises out of struggling to find work, not only is work so important for sustaining our livelihood but for many of us,  our work is one of the three main aspects of our lives that we use to derive meaning, joy and satisfaction with our life overall. It's hugely important to our sense of self. But unfortunately, many Australians are currently going through the very same struggle you are, seems like unemployment is constantly on the rise. I myself even, just in looking for some work over Summer, am having trouble getting any work even as a Bartender with many years experience in hospitality and a University Degree. Times are tough. What kind of jobs have you worked before? where do you feel you are strongest? and where are you finding the jobs you are applying for?

I sympathise greatly with the loss of your furry friend. I also have two beautiful dogs that are an absolute rock for me when I need them. Simply put, dogs really are the best and I strongly believe that if people were more like dogs, that the world would be an infinitely better place for us all.

I understand the concern in regards to your mental health, but it is very encouraging that you have recognised how you are feeling, what stressors in your life may have led you to this point, and that you have sought help. I see Mrs, Dools has suggested using Lifeline. Thy provide a tremendous service if you ever feel you get to that point, but if you could also try the online or phone support services on Beyondblue if you ever just want to chat. Browse the forums as well, talk to people, I'm sure missing your family has taken its toll, but there are many people on this forum that are in similar situations. Take a look at some of the material on the site in regards to depression and anxiety, and think about how that may or may not reflect your situation.