Hello again, or "Sharing what has happened in the hope that it inspires you somehow"

[HamSolo01]

Good morning.

It has been quite some time indeed since I posted here at length and my intention today in doing so to both educate myself, provide some insight for others and ultimately move towards betterment (even though that is itself a process and not a destination)

As I write this note now, I sit in the cramped but altogether snug corner of the granny flat I now share with my partner of 21 months (as of last Tuesday). She is currently at work on her shift, while the Roster gods at my work have given me 4 days off between weekend shifts. The two of us have seen our fair share of suffering, hardhsip and personal struggle - both during and before we met. But it is ultimately this struggle that reminds us all that life is not always easy. To quote Coldplay "but no one ever said it would be this hard", and I believe that's true. But as i struggle forward in life, I believe that Michael Kiwanuka is right when he said "maybe this time i can be strong, but since I know who I am I'm probably wrong". I believe musicians and music itself both have ways of speaking to us in short, stacato stanzas that academese and general waffle (my favourite member of the army corp after Leiutenant Sarcasm) can't. the overal sentiment here is one of struggle, but one of success. For I would rather not live in a utopia or blissful ignorance of my own mortality. 

Mortality is itself a curious thing because it was once the very thing I focused heavily on and at one point wanted to call an end this life of mine. Oh how much has changed since then! 

I invite you, the reader, to have a look at some of my other posts over the years. To see how I have changed, grown and struggled and yet have come through, out on top of and from underneath whatever things found themselves in my life - rancid though they were. 

Ultimately, I believe, like Solzhenitsyn once did, that beauty will save the world. 

I now invite you, the reader, on this journey of mine.  

Perhaps it is the fact that I have turned 30 and have hit a new decade that has got me going back over my 20s and indeed many times prior, that has spurned me on towards better things. Recently I came across an old letter I wrote when I was 16. It was an exercise entitled "the man I wish to become". I only remembered this recently and by some strange chance of fate, looked in a box I knew I had in my old bedroom and there it was - sitting there in the open ready for me to read. Meditating on that was deep. Oh so very deep. An anchor for my soul even. Am I that man now? Well, no, but I'm definitely closer than I was before. Maybe that is all that matters. 

For the life of me I wish I was able to articulate EVERYTHING that has happened in the years since I started posting here - but, to quote Roy Batty "those moments will be lost like tears in the rain". I had many tears in the rain as I grew into who I am now, and many more will come my way no doubt. Oh but I would rather shed that tear and embrace a fear, than its opposite. 

Before this descends into yet another level of literacy prose, I'll leave it there. 

Yours

Me

[Eagle Ray]

Thank you HamSolo01 for sharing your positive and encouraging post. Well done on coming a long way and working through the challenges. It is true that sometimes life is hard and the only way through is to endure. To quote from a Bruce Springsteen song, "You can't shut out the risk and the pain, without losing the love that remains". Sometimes we have to risk enduring on and continuing to hope, despite what we have been through, and trust that love and fulfilment are still possible. It seems like you have achieved that and you have gained some wise perspectives and insights along the way. I think if we can always keep growing, learning and connecting better with ourselves and others, that is a meaningful life.

Kind regards,

ER

[HamSolo01]

Hi ER

I agree with you 

Thank you for your post and may your day go well