GOAL SETTING. How do you set goals and make them a reality? Are you satisfied when you meet your goal?

[MsPurple]

Hi Everyone. I thought I would make a new thread on goal setting, making a goal a reality and beings satisfied with it.

I have always found making a goal difficult. I either make them to easy or too hard. I struggle to find a realistic goal that also challenges me. It is something that I am working on.

I thought I'd start the ball rolling as I started the tread. I thought I'd share a goal I have always had and how I finally accomplished it.

I have always wanted to do a triathlon (or tri as I will refer to it as). It is something I thought would be challenging, mentally and physically. I have always had unrealistic goals such as losing x kg in x weeks. I have tried to stay away from goals like that as they do not help my self body image/satisfaction and it doesn't help with my anxiety and depression. So I thought doing a tri would be realistic thing I could do this year, with a friend of mine that also does tri. I was considering doing a shorter distance but she encouraged me to do the longer one as I am going to the gym and I am probably at my fittest I have been in a long time. So today I made this goal of completing a tri a reality. I did it today! I was so happy with this accomplishment. I didn't want to compete against others, I just wanted to finish and compete with myself. And I did it. I was happy with everything, happy with my achievement. Later this afternoon I got my time and I was a little disappointed. I finished in just over 2 hours, which is good for a first attempt. But I can't stop thinking, 'man I was so close to finishing in under two hours'. I was happier not knowing my time. Why do we become less satisfied at meeting our goals a little after they are completed? Don't get me wrong, I am now over the moon and so proud of myself, but me just having this thought of 'so close' makes me a little sad that I do this.

So I thought I would start a thread on goal setting so we can help each other set realistic goals, make them reality and to become completely satisfied with meeting our goals. No goal is too small or too big, however a realistic challenge is always good. Hope we can all show support to each other and help each other set realistic goals.

[MarkJT]

MsPurple, great idea for a thread this.

I have always found with goal setting that it is easier for me to set short and long ones. Ones to work on in the short term and ones that are there for a while.

I remember being in hospital after I PTSD diagnoses and thinking that i am going to have a bit of time on my hands as i will be off work for a while and then slowly returning. So i thought, I have always wanted to run a marathon so lets give this a go.

I started running more than i usually do and gradually built up the kilometers in the legs. I didn't follow any plan, i just thought i would keep running more and more and see what happens. Not the brightest of plans as there are so many plans available for free!!

Got to race day and felt pretty good and wanted to break four hours but really just finishing it would have been satisfactory. End result was that I completed it in 3.55 so was stoked with that but the more important thing that i got out of it had nothing to do with the time, it was the realisation that my brain could push my body to the point of exhaustion and great pain to accomplish something. Was a very emotional time.

The goals i set along the way in training and on the day was to make 5km, then 10km, then 15km etc up to 42.2. Would not have made it without setting those goals throughout training.

My running and exercise was critical in my recovery.

Mark.

[MsPurple]

Hi Mark

Great tip. I find when running on the treadmill I have great intentions of doing x km but then I get tired and press the emergancy stop button. I found running in the tri easier than on the treadmill because I had to do it and I didn't want to stop (unless having a drink because I cant drink with a cup and run).

I was considering making a goal of doing a half marathon but not sure if that would be too big a goal or if it would be unrealistic. Maybe if I set out to do it next year. I am also considering attempting to do a full olympic length tri towards the end of the 2018 season (the 2017 season is pretty much over so it would be this time next year). I almost do half a olympic length today. I did the longest one in the tri pink series. I pushed myself as I have been doing the gym. It is fun seeing your goals become reality. Half way through the ride I hated it because I was so sore, but half way through the run the adreniline and joy kicked in. It is so weird but a wonderful feeling. I think I struggle with the idea of only doing a long run. I find that with the tri you also do a bit of 3 different sports which is awesome. I will admit the transition from swim to ride was the hardest. I did struggle with the ride the most

Maybe I can set a few fitness goals but give myself a longer time frame. If I was to do half a marathon it would definately be in 2018. Maybe this year me doing a 40km bike ride (how long the olympic bike tri length is) would be a good goal. Also running 10km without stopping. This is the start of a fitness goal setting.

I also wanted to start this tread to also do other goals such as 'meditate 10 minutes a day for a week' or something like that. I find also getting motivation to make a goal is hard and I thought but offering support on the forums would really be helpful for me and others.

[Elizabeth CP]

Very good idea for a thread. After your inspiring examples of achieving big goals I thought I would share the opposite setting very small goals when things are hard. I enjoy walking but after a couple of injuries I was struggling to get back to where I wanted. I kept trying to walk what would normally be a short distance & then end up in trouble struggling to make it home or to the car or even a seat to recover. This was really frustrating. I then decided to set a goal of walking a small amount each day deliberately choosing a distance I could do easily & each day increased the distance. By sticking to my goal of only allowing small increases I was able to succeed each time which felt good & led to me improving quickly. I shared this to help anyone else who is struggling to reach any sort of worthwhile goal. If you are experiencing failure turn it around by starting deliberately small to guarantee success & keep improving. While my example relates to fitness it could apply to any sort of goal.

[Croix]

Dear MsPurple~

This looks like a pretty good thread, I hope you get heaps of ideas.

Before I say anything else please let me thank you for sharing in

Forums/ Staying well/ Store Your Happy Memories Here:

I can just picture the scene - it is one I have too -though my animals think I'm there for them:)

OK, a goal:-

I have one that on the face of it seems ridiculous, but caused me constant distress.

I was afraid of going down my driveway to my mailbox. I'd put it off, hope my wife came home and dealt with it, generally made a big deal of it.

The reason for this related to something in my past occupation and is not really relevant here. However I wanted to have 'normal relations' with my postbox and stop being ruled by the past.

I set out to buy very cheap movies and secondhand books via the mail. Nothing expensive, but things I knew I'd enjoy. I spaced the purchases well out and set the ball rolling. Within a year I was almost waiting for the postman's bike to appear.

It worked. Interestingly enough my companion fear of the telephone reduced too - not to quite the same extent, but a great deal nevertheless. Since then I have used that phone for work, and due to the large volume of calls my fear has totally gone.

I'm more than satisfied with the results, I'm also pretty pleased with myself for thinking the strategy up:)

I've another problem yet to fix. Getting an incoming phone call I can't answer on Friday and having the whole weekend to wait to find out about it. Still thinking of how to approach that one.

Croix

[The_Abyss]

Congratulations on completing your first tri Ms Purple.

I have found that you invest so much energy and thought process in reaching your goal, that once there, you become lost. Yesterday you got up for the goal, but what do you have to get up for today? That's where progressive goals are useful. "My aim is the Olympic distance" and to achieve that I'm going to run a sprint first, then work on my running until I can get to 21 km etc. you still have your overreaching goal but lots of mini goals on the way.

Setting finish time goals are dangerous and frought with disappointment depending on your make up. For some people they work, however for others it sets them for failure. " I would like to finish a tri" but deep down "I'd like to finish in under 2 hours". So you reached your goal, but by not fully committing to the secondary goal (and being confident to) we give ourselves an escape clause. Instead, how do I finish in under 2 hours? Ok, so I came toward the back of the field in say the bike.... if I can cut 15 minutes off the bike I can achieve that goal. So, the mini goal defines riding 20 km in 30 mins (or whatever). It's a workable goal, and can help with a longer term goal.

As for my goals.... not in the right headspace for one just now., but love reading about how others achieve theirs!

[MsPurple]

Thanks everyone for the lovely replies and advice. I have taken it all in 🙂

Croix thank you for sharing your story. Little goals like that are ones I am also wanting to do. Things to help with my anxiety. Sometimes I hate making phone calls like appointments or calling businesses. One thing I did was to ask for a quote and they would eventually ring me. This may sound against the point but it helped me realise that talking to them is not scary and I can do it. I went from waiting for them to reply to my email/quote and call me to be calling them. Little starts are a great thing to meet our goals

The Abyss thanks for your wonderful words of advice. I agree I think putting time limits is dangerous and can set us up for failure. I didn't originally have a time goal, I just wanted to finish. The slight disappointment came after when I got my time. Before then I didn't care. But realising how close I was the thing that put that thought into my head. I just thought it was sad I even had that thought in the first place. I am still super proud I accomplished my goal and I am definitely going to do another tri. I will do a few more and hopefully next year (if I'm ready) do an Olympic size one. As for your goal setting, it is ok to not be ready to do a particular goal. I have wanted to try and meet a partner but I wasn't ready to put myself out there. I knew it would be a goal to go on a date, but I was ok with not being ready to do so. Take your time and do it when it feels right. But you can still set other small goals. Are there any you want to share with us?

Elizabeth I do like having small goals to get through tough times too. Sometimes getting out of bed is a good goal when I am struggling. I feel like my first post made small goals sound insignificant but that was never my intention. I think I was concerned I was only making small goals that were short term and I wasn't making bigger long term goals. I kinda made it sound like the small goals were not good or needed but this is far from the truth. I am trying to work on more smaller goals like 'meditate before bed 2 nights in a row, then three' etc. as well as realistic larger/long term goals. And I agree with your example or finding a set comfortable distance then gradually increasing it. I also like how stop looking at us not meeting a goal as a failure, but instead set smaller goals to achieve the larger one down the track.

So my goal is to try meditate 2 times this week. Starting small 🙂

[MarkJT]

MsPurple, yep running on a treadmill can get very boring but what i do is put a movie on my phone and watch it as i run. You tend to get wrapped up in the movie and forget about running!

Perhaps if you want to do a half marathon, start of of setting a goal of 10k, then 12k and get it up to about 15 to 16k. That is all that you need to do and on race day, you have trained for 16 and the last 5 you will do on adrenaline.

Awesome work on the tri's, something i have been wanting to do for a while so i guess that could be my next set of goals.

With the meditation, I run pretty much every morning before work and once I stop, I have a quick drink and then settle into a Smiling Mind app track. Goes for about 10 mins or so then after that do my stretching. Post this, very calm.

Mark.

[MsPurple]

Thanks Mark. What a good tip, watching a movie! I used to watch friends or something when I was at home working out. Now Netflix and Stan let you download stuff at home to watch later so this is something I could definitely try now at the gym (I don't live with my parents so no more treadmill at home).

I haven't tried the smiling minds app, I'll have to check it out. The main meditation app I have been using is Calm, however you can't do all the meditations on offer because you have to pay for them, which is a shame.

DO you have any goals you want to do Mark?

[MarkJT]

MsPurple, now that we are coming into winter, I want to get back to running half marathon distances. I don't do heat very well so running in the summer is for much smaller distances.

Can't wait to start running in the rain more - now that is pure mindfulness for me and will be able to get more k's into the legs.

By my bday in mid June want to be able to get a good 21km run without to much hassles.

Mark.