Fear of Recovery??

[AGrace]

Hi,

Feeling a little baffled today. I have been diagnosed with BPD, Depression, and Anxiety. I was told from the very beginning that BPD is not a treatable condition, and after a long period of time I finally accepted this, and the fact that I would live my life struggling with the symptoms as best as I could. I had an appointment with my Psychiatrist this morning and she said "Once you've completed Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, in a year or so, you won't be classified as having BPD anymore because you won't have the minimum of 5 out of 9 traits of the disorder."...Needless to say I was dumbfounded, it completely went against everything I've ever known about my illness. After living with BPD for 18 years (having 9 out of 9 traits) I don't think I can convince myself that after completing a year of therapy that somehow I'm going to stop feeling, thinking, and acting the way I do.

I'm starting to question is this just me being scared of getting better??? I don't want to buy into something, and then find out in a year's time that I haven't recovered, and I'm still the same:(

I think I've spent so much time in fear that I won't get better, now it's fear that I will, has anyone else experienced this?

AGrace

[white knight]

Dear Agrace,

I'm very interested also if anyone has information on this.

In the meantime google i and do some research. Hope we get some answers. But try to be positive. It is coming from a specialist so it must be right and therefore you have reason to be positive.

[Neil_1]

Hi AGrace

Look I know you've got 33 posts to your name, but I can't recall having replied to you before - if I have, then please accept my apologies.  But 33 or not 33, I still say Welcome to Beyond Blue.

Now I've said this here before and I'll say it again:  Psychiatrists are like a box of chocolates - you just never know which one you're going to get (said in the best Tom Hanks voice for Forrest Gump).

Having said that, I know not of your relationship with your psyche ie:  are you generally happy with how your sessions go, or is this a kind of first time experience?

I'm only running down this angle, as it surprises me big time to hear their response for how you will be "after" you've completed the DBT.  Very sure of themselves, aren't they?

Now I don't have this illness - I've got three others that I'm pretty good friends with, unfortunately - so I can't actually give you an insiders reply here - but was just coming to your thread with the comment about the psyche.

Oh, and your suggestion of fear of getting better - that's a very good point and could almost have a thread of it's own.  My own jury is out on that - but really when you do think about it - WHO doesn't want to get better?

Kind regards

Neil

[AGrace]

 Neil: Apology accepted, thanks for the welcome, and thanks for keeping an eye on my tally;)

Believe it or not I love my Psychiatrist! I went through 5 before I reached perfection. Which leads me to my next comment...

I discussed my concerns with my DBT therapist and she helped me realise that my black and white thinking, perfectionistic ways and ultimately my illness are the cause for my critique on my Psychiatrists comment.

1. Black & White thought "cured or ill", dialectical thought "I have a mental illness and I have the potential to get better".

2. Im such a perfectionist that when I see others as being perfect, as soon as they step outside my ideals their flawed.

3. thank heavens for BPD, just be aware that you better see everything my way!

Who doesnt want to get better? Ive worn this label like a pair of Levi's for so long now its scary imagining life without it...and all the expectations that come with the term "better".

[Jo3]

Hi AGrace

I would like to say that I understand exactly what you're saying about fear of getting better.  This is me, and at times I have slightly improved (or others may say greatly improved) through therapy and DBT sessions with pysch.  My psych has said that this therapy will take a year to do, BUT i have to keep practising what i am learning. I have 5 of the 9 traits and the black and white thinking is a big one i have as well as being a perfectionist.

I know everyone says to me I will be better if I do more but I think deep down I am scared of getting better, i know it sounds crazy, because who wouldn't want to get better? I think maybe it's the "comfort zone" we are in.

I feel there is no 100% cure for BPD but by doing and practising the DBT therapy will help the intensity of our emotions and our thinking behaviour.

Do you know what AGrace, I say try the DBT therapy and see how you go, it won't hurt to try. I am only up to chapter 3 with a lot more to go.I am so resistant in trying, in changing because I am damn scared, but I am giving my psych a chance of helping me and boy he has a lot of patience!!! 

Hoping this helps.

Take care

Jo

[Neil_1]

Dear AGrace

Wow, you see so deep into pretty much everything.  🙂   Bit scary to tell you the truth 😉  😉  they're cheeky winks by the way, not me with a twitchy left eye (or is it my right eye?)

Are they the stone-wash Levi's?   🙂

Neil

[Beetle]

Dear AGrace

I am sorry to hear that you struggling.

I am not BP but diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I have to say that diagnoses are also very much depended on the view of the person who diagnoses you. For me diagnoses are just empty words. They (should) help them professionals to get you the right treatment, but often they get it wrong too.

I read somewhere on this board ( I think in Geoff's posts)  that all diagnoses are basically originated in anxiety and depression. I love that. I believe they are the root problems of all mental illnesses. being afraid and sad and reacting either over the top. some people compensate in harming themselves, others go shopping or become overly obsessed with cleaning their kitchen......

What I want to say is: how dare your DBT therapist forecasts your future telling you how you will be in a year? how can she? how can she be 100% sure that you have BPD? is her way of seeing "you" the only way?

I for example would probably getting diagnosed with borderline disorder if I end up with a psych who specializes in it.

AGrace please look at yourself and your surroundings. Really look hard and ask yourself- is it really bipolar? or maybe more anxiety and depression? treatment would be different for them diseases.

I was a very black and white thinker, with my AD's I came off it and accepted now its a world of grey out there.

The professionals only have lists and guidelines, they don't know any better than that. we are the true professionals since we live our illness. Instinctively we therefore KNOW what is truly wrong with us.

So please don't let the professionals confuse you.

Your fear of getting better might be a result of not being diagnosed and/or treated correctly.....just saying...... I felt the same once someone told me I am borderline....

All the best

Love Beetle

[MumRunner]

Sorry I know this is an older post but your comment about fear of getting better because of the expectation that comes with it really rang true for me. It's like when you have a good day and everyone is like 'oh well thank god we can put that whole depression thing behing us!' I also find my unhealthy coping strategies have become like reliable friends and I know gettingbetter means letting them go and I don't think I'm ready for that