Empathy

[white knight]

If we asked people on the street if they had a family member with depression what that persons greatest need was you might get the following responses-

• Sympathy
• Sleep
• Dominance from myself
• More medication
• More therapy
• Theyve just got to snap out of it

However, in general, I would propose that EMPATHY is the most valued quality a carer, family member or friend could possess.

Someone that shows empathy is a listener, they are genuinely concerned and they have a rare ability of having the capacity of “walking in your shoes”. Someone able to do that is rare because being able to extend your kindness to someone with an illness they cannot see, restrictions that aren’t obvious and internal turmoil usually invisible, takes a special human being.

For us that need such empathy the least we can do is return some of it. Carers need support as well and such support can be given even as tokenism by way of a cuppa when they return from work, for example.

Back to the mentally unwell. There are various levels of empathy. In my experience and I could be wrong but the less empathy the more selfish a person can be or they have not acquired the basics in their childhood- to reach out. Regardless of the reason you will not transform a person into an empathetic person with demands nor any other method,

If you have a mental illness be wary of your need for empathy in others. Sadly, you might, like me, reduce your social circle to include only such quality people...

Mixing with people with empathy and reducing contact with those that haven’t got that quality is a form of protection along with a means to be much happier.

What are your major needs from other people?

TonyWK

[white knight]

Thankyou Paw prints

that is an accurate way to interpret these words.

For example, being ex RAAF, airplane enthusiast and model airplane builder and flyer, I may have more understanding of the difficulty and techniques a ww2 pilot would have bailing out. A fellow pilot that has bailed out would have more empathy (as Quirky pointed out).

TonyWK

[blondguy]

Hello TonyWK

I am not a person that places anyone's thread topic under a 'microscope' especially re 'empathy' yet I appreciate when you mentioned 'to display concern in a manner that attempts to feel what another’s experience is'

I respect everyone's point of view about empathy as we are all different....I just read PawPrints post above and for me it really made sense...for myself and thanks again TonyWK for the topic!

my kindest...Paul

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Tony thanks for sharing your experience on this thread.

Paw prints your words mean a lot to me.

"My interpretation is that you can show sympathy without needing or trying to understand,

"whereas empathy requires the ability & the willingness to put yourself into another's shoes & use your own life experiences to try to build a degree of understanding of what the other person is experiencing & how it may be affecting them."

My problem is where people say I understand what you have been through, are going through and they have no idea at all. I know they mean well.

People who say I cant imagine what you are feeling to me are more honest and are showing true understanding by saying that don't understand but are willing to listen.

I can try to put myself in anothers shoes but I can never understand what it feels like to lose a child.

Just my thoughts and I am finding reading other people's thoughts interesting.

Quirky

[white knight]

Thankyou blondeguy and quirky

i too am finding this interesting, the breakdown of sympathy, compassion and empathy.

In terms of mental illness none of us I believe want sympathy yet a “sympathetic ear” is welcome to me. That attitude only has to last 2-3 minutes when I’m depressed to make me feel I have support yet some people can’t even give that. In fact recently a family member said “we all have to carry our own cross” my answer was swift “so if we could do that we wouldn’t need psychiatrists, doctors nor meds, just carry it internally, how comforting”

The lack of any ATTEMPT to listen, care, understand etc is,in my opinion a true reflection of who I don’t want in my life.

TonyWK

[white knight]

Hi all

I came across this internet entry

”Signs You're a Highly Sensitive Person

You absolutely abhor violence and cruelty of any kind. ...
You're frequently emotionally exhausted from absorbing other people's feelings. ...
Time pressure really rattles you. ...
You withdraw often. ...
You're jumpy. ...
You think deeply. ...
You're a seeker. ...
Sudden, loud noises startle you.
More items...
•
Dec 13, 2019

21 Signs That You're a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)

More results
What is the difference between an empath and a highly sensitive person?

The Difference Between Empaths and Highly Sensitive People. ... Highly sensitive people are typically introverts whereas empaths can be introverts or extroverts, (though most are introverts). Empaths share a highly sensitive person's love of nature, quiet environments, desire to help others, and a rich inner life.

TonyWK

[blondguy]

Hello TonyWK

I understand everyone has their own point of view re 'Empathy' as Quirky made a point about 'never being able to understand losing a child' and fair enough

Just for myself and having a depressive illness Paws has posted well from the Oxford dictionary with..'Power of projecting ones personality into & so fully comprehending'..and when TonyWK mentioned 'Empaths share a highly sensitive person's love of nature, quiet environments, desire to help others, and a rich inner life'

Its only my humble point of view that having a person that can empathise with my illness is Gold...no matter how minor their experience has been with mental illness

Thanks TonyWK again for the great thread topic 🙂

Paul

[quirkywords]

Greetings all

There is a book called the highly sensitive person , and I could relate to that. All my life people say I am too sensitive but I wonder maybe others are insensitive.

I find the introvert , extrovert definition as I can be both in one day. On the Myers Brigg scale I can be both at different times.

I think having someone who understands a bit of what you have been through. I had a friend say I wont ask you how you are? because they knew I would say I am fine when I was not.

Also someone who doesn't try to fix you, and give advice, I find that is showing empathy.

I have noticed that people who are empathic don't need to keep telling everyone how much empathy they have as it is obvious.

Quirky

Thanks Tony for this thread.

[White_Rose]

Hello Everyone

Good topic Tony. It certainly makes us think about what we do and say.

I like your example about your wife and her friend. I believe the friend was being an empath by recognising your wife needed company but not overwhelming her with questions and fatal comments like "I understand where you're at", or "I know what you mean". Talking about everyday matters can help a depressed person focus on a very different topic. I think recognition of your wife's need shows empathy and most certainly compassion and sensitivity. These are rare qualities so I can see why your wife would want her as a friend.

Where someone wants to talk about a topic it's showing empathy by allowing that person to speak freely, perhaps asking a few questions but only a few and only for clarification. We talk about walking in another's shoes and this does help to empathise with another, but it only takes people so far. In the end we can acknowledge support for our family and friends but the person concerned must make the journey. I think that's the hardest part, wanting so much to save the other person from pain but not able to do this.

Just one more category. We area society that in general does not like to talk about mental health with the consequence it is hard to do so. I believe many people would like to listen to us etc but lack the courage. It is courage to walk with someone and more so not to tell them what to do. By making these gestures the listener is showing respect to the person with mental illness and this is a key ingredient.

Mary