Emotional eating - how do I stop?

[jax_in_my_heart]

I am hoping some people here might have some words of advice or point me in the direction of some resources I can access.

I have recently realised I am an emotional eater. My default reaction to sadness, loneliness, boredom is always to reach for food. I exercise a great deal, so I am not significantly overweight (could certainly stand to lose 5-10 kilos). The problem is, I have consistently been pretty much sad and lonely for the last 12 months, and don’t see it changing any time soon. It seems lately the only joy I get from life is eating; it’s instant positive gratification, and it’s all I seem to have on the happiness front.

When socialising, I see my friends being able to eat just a few slices of pizza, whereas I am restraining myself from eating the whole box. I don’t know how they do it, the food just seems utterly unimportant to them, like they could take it or leave it, wouldn’t bother them. Whereas the whole time it is in front of me, I am thinking about it, even though I’m trying desperately not to.

I don’t want to be like this, I barely have my weight under control, and I feel like I’m walking on a tightrope. I have tried to find books on emotional eating and how I can break this cycle, but I haven’t had much luck at all. Has anyone else here experienced this? How do you manage it? Is there a way to break free and be a ‘normal’ eater?

[Just Sara]

Hi Jax and welcome;

Yes, I do understand...

When I was born I was very sick, so when I finally came home from hospital I was spoiled rotten by being given food/sweets etc every time I cried or seemed unhappy or bored. By the time I was 12 months old I was a roley-poley ball of baby fat.

(There are those who overeat as a way of controlling something in their lives as they feel they have no control at all. I don't have much info on this, but it's similar to anorexia I believe)

I'm 60 now and can attest to struggling and eating my woes away throughout my life.

My opinion would be to seek help from a psychologist to explore the deeper meanings behind your behaviour. For me, when it happens I know there's something eating at me (no pun intended) that needs to be brought out into the open for sorting through or closure.

As a child each problem was ignored by putting something in my mouth, so I did the same thing to myself. My home life was traumatic and volatile so I coped by eating and doing activities that took me 'away'.

That's why it's so difficult to work out what the issue is. When I try to avoid food so things can come up, I suffer terribly like an addict trying to detox but it has to be done, otherwise I'm out of control and my issues eat away at me from the inside.

I'm not saying this is you of course, but your yearnings need a voice hun. There's always a chance it's medical, so discussing it with you GP could bare fruit also.

You're so brave for posting this very scary but important issue. Be sure this is a safe space to do so. We're a caring bunch who want to support you on your journey of self discovery, so please engage as you uncover your truth.

Kind thoughts;

Sez

[quirkywords]

Jax,

Sez has written a heflpul reply with suggestions. I know many people including myself who can relate to you.

have used food to cope with uncomfortable emotions most of my life. A few years I did a course where we kept a diary and every time we ate something we wrote what we were feeling at the time, were we hungry, angry, annoyed frustrated, happy etc,

Every fortnight I saw a pattern that I had noticed before that iread for fateening food when angry or upset.

t may not help you but it helped me. I still use food when unhappy but at least iam aware of what I am doing and feel I can control it sometimes.

Food is used to reward adults and children. I was given food as a reward and not given sepical food as punishment so I saw food as a way rewarding myself.

By sharing your story you will help all those reading but not posting. You are not alone.

[Hoplah]

Much easier to change behaviour than beliefs/thoughts or emotions. Read BJ Fogg TIny Habits. Very useful. You might also want to have a look at the New Access program to get a coach to assist with the change.

[bluenight]

I realised the same thing yesterday when you posted. I have been using food as a way to manage my emotions for a long long time. And when I realised yesterday on a deeper level I was seriously wondering how I could ever manage or stop my emotional eating because I couldn't think of anything much I would have left to do.

I'm exactly like you with the pizza, I eat pretty well but I overeat. So I started thinking if i stopped my emotional eating and only ate for sustenance, I would been eating very little. I have exercised as well to allow me to keep up with emotional eating.

But I think by stopping emotional eating we can feel and address our emotional, psychological problems a lot better.

Try searching google for tips with emotional eating, I did yesterday and I actually found it helpful.

I only really realised what I have been doing for so long yesterday, but I'll come back and let you know when I learn more.

[Just Sara]

This is a really important discussion to have you guys! Thankyou from me and I'm sure Jax will be happy with your/our responses.

Keep up the great posts!

Sez x

[Soberlicious96]

Dear Jax,

Well done for reaching out, on what is, I think anyway, a very common 'first world' problem, as I call it.

I too have battled with comfort eating, over-eating, emotional eating, binge eating ....... you name it, I've done it with food! And I have also had my weight go up and down over the years, by as much a variance as 30 kilograms.

Four years ago though, I was the about the heaviest I have ever been and unhappily married at the time, and when I left my husband, I changed my eating habits (cut RIGHT BACK on all the fried foods, the sweets, cakes, chocolate, fizzy drinks etc) and began exercising much more regularly. I also decided to try sugarless chewing gum, as a 'trick' to keep my mouth busy, when the cravings to eat 'something' when I was wanting to eat at anytime other than just being genuinely hungry. I tend to refer to any hunger that is not coming from a rumble in my stomach as 'mouth hunger' and therefore it needs some sort of attention, other than the 'naughty' foods (as I refer to them!)

I am now 24 kilograms lighter (I took 18 months to lose all that) and would love to say I am 'cured' of my mouth hunger and comfort eating ...... but I'm not, and that would be a lie. I do still have my moments, that's for sure. But I am far more aware now of the benefit of 'diversion tactics' such as chewing gum, drinking a large glass of water, going for a brisk walk, and putting the money away, that I would spend on junk food into a money box ....... and then being able to buy that next size DOWN in clothing!

Like I said, I'm not cured, by any means, but I am definitely doing better.

Perhaps some of those strategies I listed could work for you too? Anyway, you're certainly not alone. I've had three kilos find me again since COVID 19 ...... bugger those sneaky kilos! Hopefully the gym might open again soon and I can get busy on a treadmill.

In the meantime, I do hope we've all helped a little? Take care. I'll be thinking of you. xo

[jax_in_my_heart]

Wow, thank you so much everyone for your responses, I'm genuinely blown away. It's really sincerely helped me tonight to read all your comments, and know this isn't just me, and that there is a possibility that I can change my patterns of behaviour.

I suppose there is a psychological response in eating for me - I had a tough time at school, and could happily eat an entire packet of timtams when getting home (and did). My parents took me to dieticians and made me go on diets when I was deemed to be getting 'too big'. I even remember my father telling me if I got too fat no-one would ever love me (I know it sounds terrible, but he was sincerely trying to help me, I don't doubt that). I came from a family of sporty people, I was the one into books. To this day I wonder why it didn't just occur to my parents to stop buying the junk food I ate, but it's a bit late now, lol. As a result, my weight is very tied up with my self esteem, even now in my late thirties.

I can't wait to try all your suggestions, and am feeling much more positive, and hope that others with the same issue reading this thread do as well. Thank you again, it is so appreciated.

[Just Sara]

You're so welcome Jax!

This thread has opened my eyes also. Thankyou for sharing your thoughts because people not only need a voice, they need to know they're not alone as you say.

As Soberlicious said, this is a first-world problem and is on a massive scale in terms of health related issues.

I remember watching a movie years ago called; 'What's Eating Gilbert Grape?' 1993 with Johnny Depp and a young Leonardo DiCaprio. It shook my world witnessing the death and aftermath of their (on-screen) mother whose body had to be crane lifted from her upstairs bedroom.

It was a wonderful movie, but shockingly real as nobody had been brave enough to confront this issue before on the big screen. (Darlene Cates spectacularly played the mother who has since died, in her sleep at age 69)

This of course is the substantive end of the scale but depicts where people are headed if they don't identify and change their behavioural patterns; a wake-up call for me I can assure you.

So I want to thank you and all who've posted here with their stories and advice. I too have benefitted from them.

Respectfully;

Sez x