Eating Disorder/Anxiety eating (Trigger warning)

[splinter]

Hello,

A few years ago I started a "health journey" and began working out to shape my body and began dieting. It started off really well and I felt and looked a lot better. After a while I became very obsessive with how I looked and began excessively excersising multiple times a day and severely restricting my diet. I developed a lot of health issues and it wasn't until I spoke to my doctor my parents and I realised I had an eating disorder. I was nearly 15 at the time and it took me about a year to get over my health issues and become in a positive mental space to eat and excersise without harming myself. I have felt very happy and carefree for a year now, I am now 17. However, I have started getting thoughts about my body again that have left me anxious and unsettled. I am beginning to feel uncomfortable in my body again and it is hard to focus whenever I'm eating as the guilt is beginning to consume me again. My family and friends don't know how to support me, so I haven't spoken to them about my concerns, but I am very anxious I will go back to being obsessive and affecting my health. I don't really know what help I'm asking for but I know talking here will be easier than talking to my family. Thankyou ❤

[indigo22]

Hi splinter,

I am sorry to hear you are struggling again, it sounds like you made a lot of progress until now.

Has there been any particular incident you can think of that may have triggered you to start feeling this way again?

I think that now you are aware of the signs, it important to get some help again before those feelings have a chance to take hold again. Aside from talking here, there are a couple of helplines available for you to talk to and get some advice. Talking with your doctor again would be a good idea as they know the history of your particular eating disorder.

Butterfly Foundation is available 8am - Midnight 7 days (except public holidays) 1800 334 673 or online chat

Eating Disorders Victoria is available 9.30am - 4.30pm weekdays - 1300 550 236

I was reading your previous post about how you don't feel loved and appreciated but are always trying to help others. I suspect that this is an element to your eating disorder, possibly thinking that there is something wrong with you, believing this to be reason others don't seem to return the care you give.

As a teenager, we get caught up in what others think about us, mostly because we don't fully know ourselves yet. I can say without hesitation, you are one of those rare people who are sensitive to what others are going through and you cannot resist helping someone in need. It is a very honourable trait and one to be proud of and one to be nurtured. However, there is a downside to this trait until you learn to overcome it. You can unintentionally take on other peoples energy and think it is your own. To explain that a bit further, say you are feeling ok and you go to school and after a short time there, you are no longer feeling ok, chances are you have picked up on someone else's energy who is not feeling ok and you wonder why you don't feel ok like you did before.

I suspect you are what is known as a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person), as am I. You can look up this term on the internet and see if you fit the description, there are also books by Elaine Aron which go into more detail about this that you may wish to read.

You will eventually find your tribe. For now it is important to give yourself the same level of love and care that you are so willing to give to others and learn how to protect yourself from taking on other peoples energy so that you can continue to be the bright loving soul that you are.

I hope this is helpful to you and please feel free to continue this conversation if you are comfortable doing so.

Take good care of yourself first, then others.

indigo

[BlueLily]

Hi splinter,

Sorry to hear you are feeling uncomfortable in your own body again, after a year of healthy routine.

I'm glad you are here sharing your story and getting help. However, I want to point out, even though we feel scared to admit our struggles to family and friends, by doing so they can help us on a daily basis during meals or going out. If you feel comfortable sharing and have trustworthy family and friends, talking to them itself can lift a heavy burden you are putting all on yourself. 

Unfortunately lot of people think losing weight is the key to feel confident in our body. But I can tell you that I've been skinny shamed in the past. No matter what I did I couldn't gain weight without getting bloated and feeling sick. Then I realized it's not about the size or shape of the body. It's about having a healthy good size meal and staying active. So that's what I focus on now. At the end of the day what we put in to our body is what we are and how we are going to feel. It's your own body so you take care of it.  

Like indigo said, take good care of yourself first, then others.