My mother was, I believe BPD. But she talked over and over again about things. Relatives would be driven mad over the same things repeated.
Now, I'm 58yo with depression, dysthymia anxiety and bipolar 2. I have awareness that I am similar although not as bad, as my mother in my ramblings. The subject matter goes in stages. 25 years ago my topic of rambling was my workplace and its political challenges, 10 years ago family matters and recently mental health has been my topic I'm driving others crazy about.
I'm preoccupied with my behaviour not unlike low self esteem. I am angry with the world full of many that have a MI of some kind but they not seek help for it (denial). I try to work things out for myself like what illness is causing my mood today, my anger or my confusion, my need to escape from society etc. Why I'm not happy all the time and make justification for such thoughts. EG every aspect of my life in the last 3 years has improved out of sight- remarried and happily, financial security, physical health, family, friends etc etc. All good. So why cant I be more stable in mood. Mood stabilisers have had a dramatic effect but am on the highest dosage.
It becomes and issue when I want to talk to others about MI. My wife, who has depression, doesnt want to be involved with my Beyond Blue posts. Fair enough I say. I post regularly...nearly everyday because I know my experiences and knowledge helps people out there. Sooner or later though, my mouth opens about it or mental illness in general not only to my wife but to all around me.....it results in various reactions often I get ignored, the subject is changed or a few just say "give it a rest".
It would be interesting if anyone has knowledge as to why people like me and my mother "talk the legs off a chair".
The end result is- when told I'm talking too much, is to retreat in my cave, a mental "hole" where I speak little and am extremely upset. It often lasts a day or so.
