Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[Guest_1643]

I never used to care about myself or my life, I do now.

It's something.

I don't love myself always. I think I offer a lot, have depth, and am wise and insightful.

I don't necessarily love all of myself and often feel really broken and scarred. Like everyone can see my failures, like they are somehow on display.

[Guest_1584]

Hi Geoff.

Yeah that's one of the stupid things about daylight saving. Our bodies work into summer hours naturally over mths as the seasons change but they can't thrown straight into it the way daylight saving does. l hate it with a passion and so does my d. l use to like it until l lived in qld for a few yrs where the seasons and skies still float in and out of night and day the way they're meant to. Once you've lived on one time right through again your reminded of just how beautiful and natural all that is , and your sleeping and body clocks just float on through it all , just the way they were meant to. One thing l hated about moving back to Vic.

Another thing l hated about it , yet sooooo obvious, when my d was still at school. You know they'd often actually move the clocks back or forward on the Sunday night before the kids starting back Monday morng, after, their holidays. l could never believe not one person in the education department ever told the Government that or that anyone in the Government weren't seeing it with their very own children.

lt use to mess my daughter up so much she'd be tired and all out of whack for wks and wks . Her sleep pattern was completely changed and beginning on the very day she'd be starting back at school, it was insane. lf they must mess with the kids too then why not start it when they start their holiday so that they'll be back in zinc by the time the go back, no , too logical.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Hiya sleepy.

l'm afraid l realized a long long time ago any depth wisdom and natural intuition, senses, insight , as you call it yeah, unfortunately it isn't seen by most. Even when the very things going on were pointed out long before.People are very strange in those ways , sometimes l've thought if they don't have it themselves then they just can't see it either , or hear it before hand. People seem locked into their own programing and not even proofs in front of their very eyes changes it, it's a very weird thing.

rx

[quirkywords]

What a lot of interesting posts thst have made me think.

Chadicha

You wrote “Truthfully, I was forced to love myself; when no one had my back, when I was so alone and people just didnt seem to understand or want to connect with me despite craving friendship/connection so much. I felt like the most worthless person on earth but that low is exactly when I realised my inherent worth inside”

That makes a lot of sense, but it can take a long time and a difficult journey to make thst connection.

Sleepy I agree that we don’t have to like all parts of ourselves but you recognise your strengths which shows insight.

Rx Do you think that in our society we tend to point out in others their weaknesses and what they need to improve on and not look at their strengths. So if someone does point out a strength in us we don’t believe it. Just a thought.

[white knight]

Hi all

What if over thinking has a role to 0

play in - not liking ourselves?

We have (here) been digesting and regurgitating "do we like ourselves" which has and is, been fabulous. How far should we as individuals, continually seek out those answers before the theory itself has a negative effect? When it becomes a worry.

Some people say "I choose to not think about that". I often ask myself "how can people CHOOSE their thinking journey. It's then that I realise my control of my own mind is lacking. There's another possibility- that my mind dwells on a topic of insecurity because I'm not mentally active enough in life's great offerings. I'm trying to fix the unfixable.

It's OK and normal for us to try to work out the unworkable, why, why, why, I wonder if it's because of this or that, but I'd suggest we could benefit more if we worked towards our capabilities of thinking about it less by means of distraction.

Like when my father stopped to answer my 50th question about his veggie garden. I'd asked him questions like- what if the seed doesn't grow dad? What if the soil is not good? Why don't the tomatoes grow biggerethenHhe finally turned around, took a deep breath and said..."well son, if I stopped to answer all your questions...I wouldn't know the answers because we wouldn't have a vegie garden..."

TonyWK

[Guest_1584]

For me personally Tony yeah l do agree. l've come to some of the threads around and talked about stuff a bit myself. But it has begun feeling lately just for me personally l'm saying, that too much is too much and for me too much doesn't seem to be helping.

l've actually been thinking a lot about all that this last few wks actually .

Thanks for the thoughts as always.

rx

[ecomama]

Hey everyone

Perhaps there's a theme here that could be helped by "moderation". Not as in our wonderful Sophie_Bs lol, who are all appreciated. But moderation in regards to our own views of ourselves.

"Be kind" seems to be a nice mantra to use here, most especially in regards to ourselves. This involves doing, being and thinking so many things, including boundaries.

Picking ourselves apart in the useless pursuit of perfection is just destructive. I think it also inhibits opportunities for us to bloom into who we truly are.

We ARE unique and could be SO HAPPY realising this! One mantra we use in our home is; "Dance to the beat of your OWN drum".

I hope each and every person can choose to see themselves as true wonders and live accordingly.

Sure I like myself.

Love EMxxxx

[mmMekitty]

I do despair at ever stopping this picking at myself, making all this mess on the floor )thanks Ecomama, for the image in my head).

I'm human & being so, I am sentient & have a language & a mind which can reflect & question, endlessly ... or so it seems, like White Knight & Dad: "Like when my father stopped to answer my 50th question about his veggie garden. I'd asked him questions like- what if the seed doesn't grow dad? What if the soil is not good? Why don't the tomatoes grow biggerethenHhe finally turned around, took a deep breath and said..."well son, if I stopped to answer all your questions...I wouldn't know the answers because we wouldn't have a vegie garden..."

I'm sure we can over analyse every aspect of ourselves, & at the end of the quest, forget why we began, & remain unsatisfied. What about all the things we miss out on while digging up the world? Did we take a moment to even look around & experience anything of it with our other senses? We could be so caught up trying to work things out, to answer the ultimate Unanswerable Questions - most of which are 'why?' As well as 'what is it for?', or even 'is it for anything?'

We humans don't much care for uncertainty.

We go off in different directions, but I wonder, if we are all seeking the same resolution to our uncertainty.

In relation to the question of this post, the question leads to more questions. I can make up answers that might sound good, but then feel deep down, these are not answers at all. Questions remain, & it is these questions I have had dwelling in my mind for so long I don't know when they were first planted. Am I worthy? Am I good enough? Do they love me? Can anyone love me? Can I ever be good enough, acceptable, or maybe just tolerable? How much can I expect? How much can I ask for?

& how can I give what I don't have, even to myself?

I think, my heart feels, I don't like myself, let alone love myself. I think it comes from that long ago place & time, & I don't know how, if possible, to get anything back.

I'd like to stop reflecting on the question. I've gone over & over that, & it is like crawling face down in the muck. I think, I'll feel better when I get up & walk , listen, touch, you know, smell roses, & learn to appreciate I have a nose. I didn't get this nose for being bad, or good - I got it because I was born a human, able to perceive that self is smelling nearby roses, irrespective of whether or not I feel good about myself.

Good enough?

mmMekitty

[quirkywords]

Thanks again for all the thoughtful posts.

I feel as I get older it is not that I don't like myself but I don't like how I let little things like family and friends saying things allowing their words to upset me.

When I say that I find their comments upsetting, which I usually don't but keep it hidden. the response is we are only trying to help you and you need to be more like an adult and not so sensitive.

Yes Tony I too over think, I wonder why I cant make a joke when someone comments about something I am wearing or I have said.

I think I like me but dont like I can get upset so easily.

Not sure that makes sense.

[mmMekitty]

I wonder, Quirkywords, if when those comments hurt it is because we think the observation reflects an attitude we think is being expressed about ourseelves. As if, when saying tha top doesn't match your coat,,they are saying we can't pick clothes properly, or we don't care enough about how we look. If we think like this, we're imagining what is in someone's mind.& we care about their opinion more than we care for our own.

We also would like to be shown respect, enough to not have off-hand, casual remarks thrown at us, & then have them say, "oh, can't you take a joke?" or "You take yourself too seriously" We have all these criticisms coming at us, & so what if we are sensitive? Ought we not be sensitive when someone treats us with disrespect?

I'd like if I ever do step over the line with yu, or anyone, when I think I am having a bit of fun, for you to tell me. Please. I think I get a feel for people here, but I could be wrong. I know sometimes I am not sure I am understanding everything I read. Not getting the whole picture, so, yes, I need to be told when I have it wrong.

I know I have definitely messed up relationships by misreading people, what they say & do, their motives, MY motives, MY ability to verbally express myself being less than half as I can when writing. I

😼(& getting back on topic), I'd most like to speak like I can write, & then I would like myself better, because then I would feel a greater sense of continuity between my inner self & the self I present to others.

I realised, later, well after leaving home, how much those many nasty words got in, & how deeply effected I was by them & also how no-one intervened to stop the verbal/emotional attacks, the effects of which are awfully hard to remove.

*

Quirkywords, know you have done a power of good here. I have appreciated your efforts across these forums.

mmMekitty