Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[blondguy]

Hello Mary, thanks for your balanced and knowledgeable replies 🙂

Mary said: "Giving yourself reasons to like yourself or admitting you can do some things fantastically is a great way to start"

Nice1 Mary. My best. Paulx

[Emmy.]

I hate who I am.

My GP often tells me "You need to fight this battle for yourself not your husband or family".

But it's so far from the truth... If I even struggle to fight for my husband sometimes (I feel he deserves a better wife) why would I bother for me.

I've tried to end it before and if I was fighting for me I know as a certainty I wouldn't be here anymore.

Sorry probably too deep for Saturday morning but yeah - this is me.

[blondguy]

Hey Emmy

Its never too deep for anytime. Your thoughts are just as important as mine or anyone else's on here.

I think your GP meant to put yourself first because then its easier to heal and look after others better.

Always great to read your posts Emmy

(Hugs)

Paulx

[Just Sara]

As always Paul, your threads and thoughts are a welcome addition to our community. I've read each post patiently and thought much about all interpretations and experiences from everyone.

A little while ago I posted on Tony WK's thread about self-esteem. After reading here, I realise the 'love' you're all speaking of is the how/what/where/when/who/why of 'self'.

The word love is a noun, verb, adjective and linked to a plethora of situations with people/animals/things etc. We can give or receive; actions, words or unspoken body language. But if we don't know exactly what it feels like, the 'being' isn't understood. Now, I reiterate every (above) sentiment (and some) when it comes to books, psych's or well intentioned people, giving advice on something they probably have never felt themselves. So I want to begin by saying I have recently discovered what real self love feels like.

Being told to love myself for the past 20 yrs saw me try and fail until I thought it was an urban legend and gave up. Love was just a description of dopamine flooding my brain during/after sex or eating chocolate etc.

We here all understand how anxiety/depression feels in our bodies when it hits; tremors, shakes, nausea, chest/gut pains and so on. The times I remembered being loved or loving partners for instance, had certain feelings in my body too. I now realise those feelings came from fear of not being loved, being clingy, sexual in nature, or asking myself "will this last?"

Science describes eating chocolate as causing feelings of love, so we compare those descriptions to our interpretations because if we don't know how to recognise it when it occurs, we have no idea.

I have more to say on my recent experience and want to share, but am running out of space. Will continue on next post...Dizzy x

[Just Sara]

Hi again all, to continue;

Every morning I sit on my deck with a coffee while my mind is fresh and calm after sleep. (yes...med's) This time is important because clarity is at it's best. A couple of weeks ago during my coffee, a memory of my Nanna popped into my head. I was kneeling in front of her with my forearms on her legs while she sat sideways having a coffee at our table. Every now and then, I'd lean my head on her legs and look up at her gentle smiling eyes. Instead of missing her which is the normal experience, I 'felt' what I did in that one moment of time as if still there; my body remembered too!

It triggered a beautiful 'flash-back' of the most endearing and peaceful feeling inside of me. I leaned back in my deck chair and allowed my grandmothers love to permeate every cell of my body and mind while sigh's of relief gently came out. I 'felt' completely safe, protected, acknowledged, heard, validated and absolutely 'enough'. My body relaxed in a way I never thought I could ever have imagined.

After feeling this momentous 'event', I automatically gave her the same love and beauty I knew she had for me. This intensified that feeling to a point of just 'being' in the moment...a completely whole person who could not be hurt or discouraged or rejected.

Now I know what true love feels like and will never forget the all encompassing knowledge of the power of acceptance and giving of the light shining inside of me and every living soul. It sits in my chest/heart as a warm and peaceful physical sensation that spreads throughout my whole body.

This feeling didn't last for more than a few hours, and I know to feel this peace cannot be expected as an every moment occurrence. My life is varied in it's entirety, but I can now say I know 'love' and will recognise it when it occurs. Giving this to 'me' is my goal. I don't have to do or prove anything to anyone else; I'm perfect and will always carry my Nan's love in a place no-one else can touch.

I hope the love I feel for you all right now is accepted without challenge or a need to return my sentiments through guilt and; to believe me without question.

Wishing you memories of pure-light moments of your own...Dizzy xxx

[blondguy]

Dizzy....What a Wonderful and Insightful reply. You really have a deep understanding of self love/nurturing. Im going to paste it in my 'coping' folder. There is mega help of true and calm self love that will help many people on the forums and I thankyou from deep in my heart Dizzy.

Dizzy said: "I leaned back in my deck chair and allowed my grandmothers love to
permeate every cell of my body and mind while sigh's of relief gently
came out. I 'felt' completely safe, protected, acknowledged, heard,
validated and absolutely 'enough'.

And you mentioned: "memories of pure-light moments of your own"

Your inner beauty and ability to self love is a gift Dizzy and then some. Paul (Hugs) xxx

[Just Sara]

Thankyou Paul for your warm reply;

It's nice to think you've copied my words for future reference; I'm humbled.

Although it was a bit of a novel, it was a pleasure to write. There's so much grief and sadness written about on BB, and the thought of allowing such a magnificent event to go unspoken wasn't considered.

I do hope my experience can help others to understand it only takes a moment in time of love in its purest form, to rekindle a lost, but not forgotten feeling of being absolutely enough.

I still have my down days, those are due to many 'other' types of experiences that are also part of my memories. But the more I allow myself to feel the power of 'good', eventually balance will return.

Kind thoughts...Dizzy xx

[blondguy]

No problemo Dizzy 🙂

That was no novel......that was gold. Paulxx

[white knight]

Great thread Paul

Quoting Dizzy

" it only takes a moment in times of love in its purest form"

Gosh, hit the nail on the head there. Moments, a few in a lifetime can permanently be etched on our hearts.

Such a moment in 1992. My father 64 years old. A great man.

TO KISS HIS TEMPLE

There were some things I knew as taboo

To express my love but to question who?

To touch the pale face of my dad back then

When touching taboo...when "men were men"

For boys were male and "you can't do that"!

Jealous of my sister I'd hide under my hat

That a man couldn't hug his son for how he was seen

Nowadays you hug your son and then receive

And so my dad the salt of the land

Wouldn't touch me even by hand

He knew he loved me and I him

With the wink of an eye from under his brim

Then the day we all regret came along

Where watery eyes was met by song

And there he lie with an welcome smile

I be alone with him for just a while

As I stroked his forehead cool to touch

I raised my head automatically as such

To kiss his temple of which I dare

I knew his mind was well aware

Of all the kisses I missed

They gathered together in just one kiss

Finally his spirit rose and went

He left his love and hugs were spent

I never craved again heart be blessed

That tradition of males their love expressed

A kiss on his forehead way back then

Ended an era when..."men were men"...

Tony WK

[blondguy]

Hey Tony WK

What a wonderful and beautiful post. You really have a gift Tony. When did you write that?

Your last line speaks volumes....many volumes. You had huge strength to kiss you dad on his temple..I envy your strength Tony...I wish I had it...I dont...

I do believe in a greater spirit or being and am not religious even though I was in 'Sunday School' when JFK 'died'....but if I may say 'Bless your kind heart Tony'

Paul x