Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[Guest_1584]

Yeah for sure like minded is one thing but not necessary at all the main thing is that you just get along and it's really weird the combos that can come in. l love different so it's not that l don't like different it's just that often different doesn't gel that's all and l can't be bothered with square pegs in round holes so to speak if that's the case. But eh if we do it can be really cool.

My ex in laws went down a pretty similar road or should l say tube too star. l still remember the first few mths meeting them . They were so standard and different to mine and me and l could see pretty closed minds so l didn't so much fit in as such but they welcomed me open arms anyway and were basically nice people early in ---untilllll,, bet we can all see where that's heading well , it did in the end. Admittedly it was a pretty big ask that l'd ever expect to fit that mold for long but it was nice while it lasted haha.

rx

[Elizabeth CP]

Quirky I can understand the embarrassment. I had the cast removed from my wrist 2 weeks ago. At least while in a cast it is obvious you can't use your hand. Now I feel embarrassed because I can't use it. Everything I do is much slower and awkward. Paying for things I have to get my phone out place it on the checkout so I can pull the card out as I can't hold the phone and get the card out with one hand. Packing things in my bag is slow and awkward. I struggle to close the zip on my backpack. The appointment to see a hand therapist to get treatment for my hand so I can use it again was postponed indefinitely. The ongoing pain, lack of sleep and frustration from not being able to do things including all the things which help me with my MH is making me feel really hopeless with nothing to look forward to.

[quirkywords]

Elizabeth,

thst must be so frustrating. Is there someone else yiu can see, like a physiotherapist.

It is important to see someone , was there as reason to postpone the appointment indefinitely?

Can someone help with your shopping.?

Have you spoken to your GP about how you feel.

sorry for all the questions. You help so many people , I hope someone can help you.

[Elizabeth CP]

Hand therapy is a specialized area so standard physios won't have the experience required. They also can't access the notes from the hospital to understand what has happened. Good news though. I rang the hospital and got through to the hand therapy dep't. They reviewed the referral and rang back with an appointment for next week. Hopefully that goes ahead and I get the help I need. The issue with the appointments was an IT problem affecting the hospital network.

I am not wanting to go back to my normal GP. am still VERY upset with her lack of help last time I saw her. She refused to look at my arm when I came to see her to get a referral to a specialist even though I was experiencing severe pain and swelling. I believe this is what led to the nerve damage in my hand. I am looking for a new GP but they won't have my records initially.

[quirkywords]

Thanks for explaining Elizabeth. It must be frustrating having people and technical networks let you down I hope you get appointment soon.

[ecomama]

Dear Elizabeth CP

I'm sorry to hear about the issues with your hand, ugh.
Yes indeed Hand Physiotherapists are an extremely specialised field and the sooner you can get into see one, the better the outcomes I understand.

One of my sons needed a hand therapist after a sport injury. We had to book weekly appointments and had all sorts of exercises to do with all sorts of equipment. He has excellent movement now.

I'm glad to hear you're looking for a new GP.
What she did or didn't do for you is bad.
Hopefully you find a great GP who is more present for you and can help you much more.

Best wishes
EMxxxx

[Jstar49]

Hi all,

Yes, I can relate to what you've written Elizabeth and Quirky, feeling clumsy and frustrated with being unable to do things as normal. Elizabeth I hope that for you it is a relatively short term dis-ability, and that you can get some good help quickly. I can understand you being upset, even angry...? with your GP. It's hard when our health professionals let us down.
I wonder if a bit of alternative dressing might help in some situations? Like a pocket which you can easily access, for cards or what not.

When I was pregnant and with a broken bone in my foot I used to wear overalls a lot. They have a handy pocket in the bib, which is useful for things like cards. The worst day was when I went shopping, big belly, crutches, the lot. My backpack was stuffed full of yummy food, and the zip slid down, just when the bus arrived to carry me home. My jar of mayonaisse smashed, decorating the footpath. I think I cried....People were very nice, but Oh! I felt like a fool!

Times like that I wish I had a better sense of humour!

Rx I hear you loud and clear! I want to be able to accept myself so well, so fully, that when that happens, I can allow it to be a learning experience for all, not a reason to hate myself. So many ppl have led very sheltered lives, and don't like to think about things from other ppl's points of view. Which of course leads to prejudice and discrimination. Still, it is nice to feel that one belongs. Just have to choose our space wisely I guess.

Cheers all,

J*

[quirkywords]

Jstar,and everyone

I had something happen to me while a few months pregnant when I felt sick but did not look pregnant. I was shopping without my older children and was holding a few items when a large glass of honey crashed into a thousand pieces as honey drizzled all over the floor. I had no toddlers to blame and could not blame being pregnant. I was embarassed I never went back to that supermarket again.

I knew it was a mistake I was sucks did tired but I wished for once I was not clumsy.

I think now I do like myself despite’s my clumsy ways and being messy and disorganised.

at my age I can’t change myself so I have to accept and like myself. That is my plan. Do you have a plan. ?

[Jstar49]

Hi quirky,

Oh honey is sooo messy! I feel for you! I would have been too embarrassed to go back as well. Well that is my life sometimes. But I realised recently that I spend way too much time thinking that ppl perceive me negatively, yet I have a memory of an occasion where it was disproved. It was a long time ago, but recently, when I caught myself thinking in this negative, almost paranoid way, I remembered this. i have since resolved not to think like that anymore. It's just in my head. Everyone's too concerned with themselves to think much about others.

I think we are often harder on ourselves than on anyone else. And I'm pretty hard on others, so I must be shockingly hard on myself! I just don't recognise it usually.

I too am too old to do much about my character flaws, except maybe learn to laugh them off. Be honest and upfront about them?

Today I got into a very nervous talkative mode when dropping in on an acquaintance. I was able to recognise it, thankfully, and thank them for letting me talk out my nervousness (I start a new job tmw). It helped, cos when I was driving away I wasn't berating myself for talking too much, I was almost laughing about it, and being forgiving and understanding of myself.

My plan is to live my best life! YAY!

Cheers,

J*

[blondguy]

Hi Everyone...new posters are always welcome too

Hey EM...Thankyou for asking...Im probably a lot better than yourself after your recent loss...Im sorry

Hey Quirky....thankyou again for your wonderful input on the forums. You have made a great point about changing ourselves...I agree with you...except for your comment 'at my age' No one can change whether we are 21 or 81 yet we can work on self improvement. It sounds like you have drawn the line where recovery is concerned. Liking yourself for who you are at this time is gold Quirky...Nice1

Hey Jstar49....I havent been online as much as I used to yet its always great to have you as part of the Beyond Blue family....and thankyou for posting this....'I think we are often harder on ourselves than on anyone else' and....'My plan is to live my best life! YAY' Good1 Jstar49 🙂

Hey Moon and The Big Blue....Thankyou so much for the TLC you provide here and across the forums

my kind thoughts

Paul