Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[Mitchell]

I couldn't find any reason to like myself before, and now I started to find little things that I liked about myself. It's a small improvement, but I'm happy about it. 

[blondguy]

Hey Whatsinaname

No worries at all, we dont expect any responses yet thankyou heaps for taking the time to reply!

You understand how these various sites function and your heartfelt post is really appreciated too

Just  a note...when I 'tried' to join the forums in Jan 2016, I was a mess and riddled with high levels of anxiety whilst working in a senior corporate role. There were many kind people that helped me out when I was stuck.

Thanks for your care Whatisinananme 

my kindest always

Paul

[blondguy]

Hey Mitchell and thanks for being a part of the Beyond Blue family!!

You mentioned 'now I started to find little things that I liked about myself'.....I didnt have the courage to post what you have when I joined years ago. I really hope you can stick around the forums Mitchell...If and when you wish! of course!

my kindest always

Paul

[mmMekitty]

Hello Mitchell,

Do you think those little things you now like about yourself are like a chink in the armour, or a little ray of sunshine, & these could only be just the beginning?

Two & a half years ago, when I first joined BB, I would not have said I liked anything about myself. I saw this thread & my immediate answer was "NO!" But now, I have recognised I do have things I like about myself. I'm still making progress, & that's something else I like about myself.

Thanks again, to Paul, for this thread.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Whatsinaname]

Hi WK, MK, Mitch and everyone else,

WK. Did your anxiety make you move away from the corporate job? I am white collar worker in a relatively senior position. I like my job and think I'm good at it. But do sometimes like the idea of being a gardener or something complete different. My job pays well and comes relatively easy to me, but I think my anxiety always tells me its just a matter of time before it comes to an end for one reason or another.

[blondguy]

Hello Whatsinaname and everyone

I know you directed your question to WK, yet I hope I can try to answer your question from my own perspective if thats okay. WK has a different set of circumstances of course.

Like yourself I was in a senior corporate role. My mistake was to persevere with ongoing anxiety attacks thinking I'll be fine. I wasn't. After 14 years after being diagnosed (just for myself)...my anxiety exacerbated.

* I didnt have enough counselling..I was too arrogant at the time..Only had two sessions a year when I really 

   needed fortnightly/weekly counselling....(even with my GP would have been helpful)

* I ignored the suggested medication (SSRI low dose) Apparently I knew better at the time!

I often thought that I 'should' have taken a job without the KPI's...the politics etc...(working in a landscaping company would have been smart etc) It was too late for myself (everyone has different symptoms of course) 

Really appreciate your assistance on the forums. 70% of the internet 'Hits' we have are from people that choose to 'read only' which is great. The remaining 30% are people that elect to post which is great too!

my kindest always

Paul

[white knight]

Hi, Sorry I've been elusive here. Thanks Paul.

I'm kind of unique as I have bipolar and now realise I'm on the autism spectrum so my inability to hold down a job long term is evident. Bern retired 11 years now my last job was my own business as an investigator working solo. I held that position many years simply as I had no immediate superior, travelled the countryside and collected data, a dream job. 

But going back I did tackle my anxiety myself and you can read about it here-

Google- beyondblue anxiety- how I eliminated it 

Ps blondeguy, congratulations on the longevity of this important thread

TonyWK 

[Whatsinaname]

Thank you both for the response,

Paul, it is funny you mention the landscaping business as that is where my mind always goes for some reason. In reality I doubt I could handle the physical labor of it, but it always seems to be my "fall back plan" better or worse.

WK, no worries about a pause between replies, everyone has there own lives of course. I am just lucky enough that I can frequent forums, such as this, when its quiet at work.

Thanks again,

[Guest_50030126]

Hey,

This is my first time posting but your message really stood out to me. I am 33, work long hours in advertising. Have wonderful friends, my family is in another country but I am loved. I just can't seem to feel the same way about myself and I really don't understand how to do it. I hate being on my own, nothing really brings me joy. I distract myself with work, or alcohol in the evenings. I've tried everything - writing, cooking, excercise classes, painting, reading, therapy, medication etc. tried watch tv etc but nothing calms my mind - so I turn to drink. I am told that I need to love myself and should enjoy being on my own but I don't and I feel like it's getting worse and worse. I can't let go of my ex either and I know I put too much emphasis on how he feels about me. If he loves me and is happy with me, that gives me all my validation. I just am really lost at how to make myself feel good, be happy, and when it gets to the evenings not just dirnk myself to sleep.

[white knight]

Hi guest,

I hope I can help. 1996 and my only suicide attempt, then a week later I left my abusive wife (we had 2 young kids) a moved into a caravan park.

The first 4 weeks was grieving but I realised my self esteem was at an all time low. So, a small mirror in the van I used to raise my confidence.  I'd talk into it "Tony, you are a good man, a great dad, you are worthy of love and to give it. Don't give up"

A few months later I bought land, built my first house of 2, paid all child support for the following 14 years etc. When my youngest reached 18yo and support ceased I told my ex to never, under any circumstances,  contact me again.

It worked. Please look into your mirror, appreciate what a wonderful person you are and tell yourself- you don't need that drink.

Some say you are what you eat... I say you are what you are determined to become...

TonyWK