FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

blondguy
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

  • Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
  • I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
  • I dont deserve to love myself
  • I am depressed...How can I love myself?
  • I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
  • I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
  • I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

4,005 Replies 4,005

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Thanks for the bear hugs Paul. Love 'em.

Quirky,  grest question.  I think we need to be strong enough & confident enough in who we are to love ourselves unconditionally when others love us conditionally.  We need to lnow that the way they see us does not define us.

It is not easy to do, especially if it is someone we love who we feel is judging us.

Cmf x

Hi Quirky!

Its always a bonus to have you on any thread topic and thankyou. You have mentioned a very good point with unconditional or unconditionally. Thats a good comment as 'liking ourselves' is a lot simpler yet seems to be more about acceptance (of ourselves) as a first step. Happy Easter to you Quirky!

 

Hey Country Music Festival! Its always so good to see you on the forums. You are spot on with the support you have provided to Quirky...Excellent and spoken from the heart as always. Im still trying to fire on all thrusters (lol) yet it seems only temporary!  I had no idea that selling my split level pet house on gumtree was so frustrating. Anyhoo....If that is my biggest complaint...I guess I am doing reasonably okay

 

Happy Easter bunnies and thankyou for being the Champion you are country

 

Bear Hugs always

 

Paul 

 

Samantha
Community Member

I agree with this. 

I know this thread is almost 4000 posts long but thought I'd chime in with my thoughts.

 

I also don't love my self, I have incredible love for my partner and kids but not myself. 

 

I have doubts I ever will love myself, but I'd be happy to just be okay with myself.

 

Also, telling someone to love themselves during depression and anxiety is a waste of breath in my opinion.

 

But we push on for the ones we love!

Whatsinaname

In many posts on this thread some people don’t use like or live but may use respect or a crept or like you said be okay with yourself. If the wird helps you to stop putting yourself down it all helps. 

if you scroll back will find many helpful posts. 

Hey hey and Welcome Whatsinaname and Samantha 😀

 

Its always great to have new members/posters on the forums and thankyou heaps for taking the time to let others know what you feel. (If we didnt have new members the forums wouldn't exist anymore

 

* I dont love myself either which is why I had the title changed a few years ago to 'Do You Like Yourself'

* Ive been a volunteer here for a long time and we dont 'judge' or tell anyone anything 

* I am always open to criticism Whatsinaname...no worries at all

 

Your input here is important here Whatisinaname (and Samantha) 

 

You mentioned 'telling someone to love themselves during depression and anxiety is a waste of breath

I understand your situation...the depression.. the anxiety as its my 4th decade with these health issues. There are no expert's here yet we do our best to provide the best support possible from our own life experience

to people that are doing it hard.

 

Your Chime and thoughts are valued here. There are many gentle people on the forums that can be here for  you too! Your (our) privacy is paramount here...All other considerations are secondary

 

Thankyou for being a part of the Beyond Blue initiative too!

 

Paul

Hey Samantha and welcome to the forums

 

Thankyou so much for your post. New members voices are important to to Beyond Blue.

 

I wrote this thread topic 8 years ago because of my long term anxiety and depression. It can be a rocky road for sure Samantha. I really hope you are doing okay.

 

Im Paul, a senior volunteer. There is no judgment on the forums...just as much support and TLC we can provide!

There are many gentle people on the forums that can be here for you 🙂

 

my kindest always

 

Paul

Trans22
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

I first showed signs of loving myself in late November 2021.  It was the first time in a little of 52 years that I looked at myself in a mirror/photo and smiled.  It was in early January 2022 that I realised that I realised this was happening every time I looked at myself when I'm living in the present/moment - something that I still find almost impossible to believe. 

Despite this new found love for myself, I frequently struggle with SI (mostly passive).  This happens any time I think about my decades of existence or a future that is getting bleaker (for people like myself) with each passing day.  Being reminded to love myself at times like these helps bring me back to living into the present and loving myself, eventually.  Sadly (I'm crying while composing this), I am very reliant on other people to help me be gentle with myself.  Time for me to stop and refocus on my _life_ since late August 2021.

Hello trans22, your post makes me tearful, too.

I am reminded that the first time I was consciously aware of feeling good about myself, was when I had decided upon what name I would choose for myself. I thought of many names, trying them out, saying them, writing them, seeing what a signature would look & feel like, (I could see better then & was still using pen & paper), & immediately liking the one I chose, feeling it IS MY NAME. It felt so right.

I still have a long way to go to feel I like myself or love myself without being critical or judgemental about what I still want to be different about myself. I'm still learning to respect myself as well as insisting that other people in my life respect me, too 

Thank you, Trans22, hugzies.

*

Hello Whatsinaname 

Simply telling someone to love themselves, just like that does seem rather pointless to me, too. If you have no feeling of love for yourself how can you be expected to suddenly just do it?

However, what I think is happening is that they wish so much that you did, so you, & they, would all feel better. People who love you want you to feel that love. they are feeling, maybe, sad, maybe helpless, maybe hurt as well, seeing you so down on yourself. They care, & maybe don't know what else to say.

It seems to me now, that negative feelings & thoughts feed each other, making each negative feeling & thought larger.

Maybe planting & encouraging some positive thoughts & feelings will also have a way of growing, too?

 

Hugzies, for you, too, Whatsinaname, Samatha, Quirky, Paul, CMF & everyone!

mmMekitty

Thanks Paul, Quirky and MK.

 

Appreciate the welcome Paul, but I've been around the traps for quite some time, just don't post all that much. This place is genuinely incredible and the people amazing. Everyone has their struggles so to take time out to try and sooth others is amazing!

 

MK, it is quite amazing how anxiety can put the blinkers on. Really does narrow the vision as you're probably spot on that the people saying such a thing are more than likely coming from a place of love but just no idea what to say.

 

Take care all