Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[Banksy92]

This one is topical for me. I've always been quite fixated on presenting the best possible version of myself outward to hide the traumas and scary stuff going on behind the scenes in my family life. This became a habit of safety in my adult life where my self worth is often dependent on how I look, how my home looks, what big achievements I had to share in conversation etc. But now, I've just hit a point in my mental health journey where my psych is challenging me to put these things aside a little bit and focus on loving myself as I am. Being compassionate to myself as I am, regardless of these factors. It's not easy or natural to me, but an important journey. I am learning to appreciate who I am and know that I am kind, loving and a good person on the inside.

I really hope everyone can come to love a piece of themselves or their whole selves. It's so worthwhile.

[Mk2692]

Hey everyone,

This is quite a tough question, as there are times where I felt that i didn't and times where i felt i did. I now do love myself and I make sure to show that to myself. I always spoil myself and take myself on dates like going to a park for a walk and buying a drink and spending time with myself. I learnt to love myself and my flaws. On the days that I don't feel like i like myself, I remember that it is ok to feel that way sometimes and just ride the wave. I know it will eventually end and I will be ok.

[blondguy]

Hi Everyone! Thankyou for being a part of the discussion too!

Quirky

You mentioned 'to find a counsellor one really connects with is important and sone find this more complex than others depending on location and availability'

Its very rare to 'connect' with a counselor. Its hard work and sometimes confronting as we are discussing our feelings. Location and availability are also common 'issues' when avoiding counselling/GP visits

my kind thoughts

Paul

[missep123]

Hi Banksy,

Best of luck on your journey, it truly sounds like you have so much self-awareness which will help you! I completely related when you said you were fixated on presenting your best possible self. I am absolutely the same! What I find though is when you find true friends and genuine people you tend to connect with them better when they know all aspects of you. I have found that it helped to break a barrier I didn't know I was creating where I was keeping most people at arms length in order to show my best self at all times.

We are definitely here for you!

[tranzcrybe]

Absolutely, Paul. In fact, seeking to connect with your counselor may be deflecting the very purpose - the essence which is to connect with yourself. Grabbing a tissue tells you you're getting closer all the time!

[geoff]

Hi All, you can only like yourself if you feel you are worth it, then you can appreciate all the good wishes and support from others, if however, you aren't feeling well then all the support given to you won't mean much at all.

This can slowly change when affirmation is given in small doses.

Geoff.

[blondguy]

Hi Everyone 🙂

Hey Tranzcrybe....Thankyou for your brilliant post above....You are spot on when you mentioned 'seeking to connect with your counselor may be deflecting the very purpose'

Usually when someone mentions they are looking for a counsellor that they can really connect with is a person that doesnt wish to have counselling as a result of their own deep seated insecurities. This is sad as life is too short to find excuses not to seek assistance

you have been around the forums for a while now Tranzcrybe. I hope you have been doing well ✔

my kind thoughts

Paul

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hi all,

I'd like to weigh in on the topic of "seeking to connect with a counsellor". I do think that this is one of those areas where murky phraseology is more the problem than the intent with which it is said. For my part, my experience with professionals is that they often come back at me with some really irrelevant feedback (like the psychologist I went to with the very specifically stated intention of working through problems arising from the ex's infidelity, who decided he wanted to focus on my gender identity and the social status of my job... Er, what?!). I think in my place many might say they want to connect with their counsellor/doctor/psychologist/psychiatrist and mean "I want someone who works with me on relevant goals in a relevant way". Just some food for thought. I absolutely wanted help when I went to that guy. I sure as hell didn't want him making me paranoid about things that weren't problems when I went there. And tying it back to the topic of this thread, I certainly didn't like myself after pushing so hard to make myself seek help (something I struggle with in the extreme) and failing so miserably. It's happened most times I've sought help for anything, and makes me feel like a useless failure every time, even though I know objectively the fault isn't mine. There's a sense of "I should have known better". Going through much the same with trying to improve things for myself after being diagnosed this year with ADHD. The meds have been a disaster so far, trying to connect with any sort of forum or group on the topic has gone bad each time, and I have been really down on myself over it. Getting help is hard, especially when it fails over and over and over again. The sense of self worth and being valued, mattering to those who were in a position to help when you've already done as much as you can to help yourself, really takes a beating.

Blue.

[blondguy]

Hi all

Thankyou for being a part of the discussion and sharing your experience

You have tried so hard where therapy/counselling is concerned. Some of the posts above concern people who dont have the courage you possess to help themselves. I feel your pain with counselling as it can be a rocky road. Thankyou for understanding

[Doolhof]

I saw my psychologist this week. She tried to explain that my mind is in a huge tangle and it will take a while to get it sorted. Apparently the messages to my brain are getting trapped and stuck. My mind has shut down in places so the signals are not getting through. She told me she doesn't want to push me over the edge as she is concerned for my mental state.

My sense of needing to feel connected to the psychologist relates to feeling safe in her care, believing she is able to help me, that she understands what I need and can help me make adjustments. To me it is different from the feeling of connection with family and friends.

Right now I am trying to like myself and my mental health conditions.

None of us know how much another person has been battling and trying to make sense of their mental health issues. How much they have tried to help themselves. How many times they have reached out to others for help.

We have not walked in their shoes. We have not had the same childhood experiences that formed coping mechanisms and ways of thinking that helped them to survive. It takes time to rewire our minds. First we have to learn what is wrong and how to improve the situation.

We don't always know the tone behind the writing here either!

We can't feel another person's mental turmoil, confusion, hurt or torment.