Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[CMF]

You've amazing Paul,

You've been here as long as I have and are ALWAYS ready to offer support and encourage others to post. You're kind, gentle, encouraging, thoughtful.

We like you alot!

Cmf x

[white knight]

Hi blondeguy

Yes CMF, Paul is doing a great job on this long running thread.

It has been hard to keep the topic of "do you like yourself" on topic. So members please help. If you want to chat about other topics the bb cafe is available.

Great job Paul

TonyWK

[Ggrand]

Hello Paul, Tony and everyone..

Its so good to see you have your garden and music to “loose yourself into to”...I think we all need something tobe able to get our heads out of the world...

I came on her BB in 2017 a really broken person suicidal who hated herself that much that I didn’t care about life or living...These forums have changed me from hating myself...You see, the kindness and care that members gave me, was the first time in my life that I received it and I found it was genuine..

I received direction, coping tools, care and eventually friends...slowly my hate turned to acceptance of myself because everyone here accepted me....Then I pushed myself out of my “safe zone” and volunteered here....

Now that acceptance of me has turned to liking me...I like the way that I can help some members here and make them feel also accepted and care for...The old saying “you must like yourself before you can like others”...and “others will start liking you when you like yourself” to me speaks for itself....

Start trying to accept yourselves first..flaws and all... I think at one time or another everyone goes through self dislike at one time or another...but over time learnt to accept their mistakes, forgiven themselves and starting caring for themselves and grew enough inside of them to start liking themselves.....

What self care can you give yourself..a long relaxing bath/shower with some nice scented soap, sitting outside, a yummy coffee/tea with one of your favourite biscuits, buy yourselves some flowers...it really isn’t hard to care for yourself...and I feel it’s the first step to accepting and liking yourself...

So yes I do like..lots of different parts of me...My heart and my soul the kind parts I had kept to myself...That hate I had for myself hid that part of me away because of my regret and guilt...in my past life...I cannot change my mistakes from that part of my life but...acceptance of those things and learning from them...is the key to moving forward...Please start by giving yourselves some much deserved self care..

My kindest thoughts to all the lovely Beyond Blue Community...readers and posters...your all awesome people..

Grandy...

[topsy_]

Hi Grandy,

You always say the most encouraging things in such a warm & gentle manner. There is a real lesson for me in that second last paragraph.

A lot of the time I can be enjoying a “truce” with myself. I’m not sure I ever get to liking myself. But the tide can turn so suddenly & unexpectedly & then I’m at war with myself. It’s vicious, wounding & brutal. I’m often stunned by its intensity.

I grew up battered by every form of abuse from my parents. Now when they are not around I fill in for them. Stupid huh?! Sometimes I despair of ever emerging from this war. I feel like I am not actively living. Instead I sit & sit & play repetitive games to numb the feelings & the memories I have.

Intellectually I know the solutions or steps I should/could take. But knowing & doing are light years apart. I look back across my life & it's just been a waste. Luckily I’m old enough not to have that many years left.

T.

[Guest_1643]

HI Grandy

thank you, your post was so beautiful

i understand and resonate and take a lot from ur posts.

somehow our past and our experiences feels like "us" - doesn't it sometmes?

whenever i think of liking myself, i somehow think my history means i am unikeable. things that aren't me at all, but that i connect to myself, or ppl that hurt me, and mean things they said and did to me, seem to define me.

thank u for posting....

i am practising mindfulness sometimes, to see how the thoughts have formed.... the mean thoughts of others against me became my own thoughts. i adopted the abuse and used it myself to put myself down.

sending love to everyone on this thread. ur all beautiful nd valuable.

[white knight]

Hi Grandy

We like you too!

TonyWK

[Guest_1584]

Yeah that is nice to hear Paul , especially atm , glad there are some things that can take you away we all need some of that.

As much as l normally love my music my minds just been too busy and stressed last 12mths , shame really , l do miss it but l just don't feel like the noise atm. Movies have always been another one but l don't even feel like those lately. With our weather finally improving a bit l do often go round the yards for a poke about in the morning sun before work lately though, along with a coffee out in the sun too. Has to be one of my favorites.

rx

[quirkywords]

Grandy , I have followed you from your first posts and over the years have seen you gain confidence and hel others,

I have learnt a lot from you.

I like your honesty and insights,

I have always liked this thread as a go to thread. I use it to check how I am going. When I like myself I am positive and can help others.

[blondguy]

Hi Everyone! New Posters too!!

Thankyou CMF for your super kind post! You just made my day and then some x

Hey TonyWK.... thankyou so much for your support where staying on topic is concerned. It was wonderful to read your thoughts about this thread...greatly appreciated

So many gentle people in the forums...It's a very supportive place

my kindest

Paul

[quirkywords]

Paul your skill at making every contributor to your threads feel important is one I hope to copy.

You manage to sumarise people’s poses so clearly and it is very helpful.