Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[Jstar49]

Hey Topsy, hi everyone,

Topsy, I too have an adult child who has excluded me from her life. I struggle with those feelings, of making that say something about me, however my rational mind knows that is only partly the truth. Relationships are an interaction between people. My Daughter choosing to live life without me says more about her, than it does about me, which truly makes me sad. I think if I did a better job she wouldn't behave so atrociously! But, it is her choice, and my choice is whether to live graciously with it, or allow her choices to destroy me.

Do I like myself? Tbh, somedays.

Dools, it's true, people can be unbelievably cruel and thoughtless. That is the only thought I have in regard to family memebers saying to you that 'Christmas is for children' when they know the pain in your life. it's strange how family, which has the potential to be the most loving nurturing and safe place for us to be humans, can so often be the place of deep pain and anguish. Hugs, dear Dools, and I'm so glad that your friend has been able to visit. May you enjoy the company of many more true friends, and many lost and lonely children. There is so much hurt in the world, all we can do sometimes is add our own little dose of lovingkindness.

Paul, this thread does touch on some of our deepest hurts doesn't it? And therein lies the discomfort. I for one take comfort in the fact that I'm not alone, and that here, I can voice my deepest fears and hurts, and they rarely, if ever, fall on deaf ears. Thank you BB community!

Love

J*

[ecomama]

What a beautiful post J*.

Dools, hugs. Family and all the poster board creations of such are just that, imaginary to most. I am so sorry you've suffered so much from the huge losses of your children and then to suffer more from the impact of family cruelty, denying you love and support in the most celebrated of times, Christmas. It stinks.
I have a saying you can use which may or may not suit - family is just another eff word some times. Hugs.

Our forums here are full of ppl who've suffered from the cruelty of our families, it's shocking.

J*, topsy, I'm sorry also for the hurtful decisions of your children. I really hope that a bridge can be made one day and your relationships healed. Hugs.

Do I like myself?
IDK today.

I don't like needing to be harsh to any one.
But I find that my understandings of "boundaries" could need more work.
Setting these up is "harsh" to me but I most definitely know they're needed!

It's a pity that "respect" of stated boundaries, goes wanting though.

It was nice that my friend chose me as a walking buddy during our lock down, mostly bec I really like her too lol.
She's going through familial isolation herself and is living alone now for the first time in her entire life.
She helps me, I help her. It's rare to have such balance & synergy in friendships IME.

I'll use my Leave to spend more time doing things I want to ie gardening.
I know this brings a feeling of liking myself more. And happiness. Some times I prefer my chooks to ppl lol and they're really good listeners!!

Love EMxxxx

[Jstar49]

Hey Em,

Wow hon, doesn't sound like you, not liking yourself! You must need a rest and regroup dear Em, and the world will be a happier place. Totally know what you mean- chooks are def superior creatures! I watched mine lay an egg the other day- watched it pop on out, amid the huffing and puffing ...whew! Hard work!

Anyway, your post reminded me of a guest appearance by ....BRENE BROWN! in 'WINE COUNTRY" and....it was about boundaries! Ta da! sychronicity! so, not sure if you'll have time for a funny movie, but this one is worth a look.

Cheers,

J*

[Guest_1643]

Hi Quirks, Paul, Geoff, Deebs, J and EM 🙂 - all futher down the thread who are reading, sending hugs

i dont think i've ever liked myself for me

i used to like myself for my abilities, and now i feel the abilities arent wht they used to be, and i feel like a useless vessel.

I wouldn't say I like myself essentially for me. And lately i feel very inferior to others

I like the ppl around me, and I like myself for likig them. I feel grateful that I've always had a few friends, and my life has been populated with ppl who are kind.

I don't like the family I was born into, or the values tht were imposed upon me when I was younger, about what I had to do to be worthwhile. I don't feel worthwhile essentially, and feel quite damaged.

I like life and the world, and the creative process. I like plants and animals and interesting people. But I don't think I like me too much, or at all.

[Guest_1643]

Hi Dools, thanks for sharing. you don't deserve those harsh comments and are a fantastic person.

[Doolhof]

Hi Paul,

Thanks for your suggestions and care. I have not had a regular Dr here for a couple of years now. The Drs I have tried to see don't seem to have a great understanding of depression, grief and loss. I didn't find them helpful or supportive. It takes 3 to 4 weeks to make an appointment for a Dr here.

A town close to us (45 kilometres away) has a Dr visit every Thursday only! It is not easy to make Drs appointments in the country.

Hi Everyone,

Thank you so much for your care and support. I appreciate your kind words.

I do need to find a way to choose the memories I want to keep closet o my heart, to find ways to let go of the hurt and move on.

Appreciating who I am will certainly help me feel better about myself.

Cheers all from Dools

[Guest_1643]

Hi Dools,

I think it's very very hard to find a GP who is sympathetic and trauma-sensitive, related to grief and emotional pain.

Healing from trauma did not begin for me through my GP, and I've found the ppl who see trauma most, and its effects, mental health nurses dealing with emergency admissions/psychiatric crises, social workers who work with victim-survivors, and support groups including addiction groups more helpful than the medical model of the GP. I find even some supportlines aren't trauma sensitive at their fore.
I hope u find the right person to help u heal on ur journey - in my humble opinion it doesn thave to be a doctor.
You have our support and are safe here, this space helps so much work through things that otherwise felt impossble to talk about. Sending hugs.

[Ezzi]

Hello.

[Ezzi]

Not having a very good day *(yesterday )*

[geoff]

Hello Everybody, much has been said and unfortunately, it's not too good I'm really sorry to say, but Sleepy when we feel like this it's impossible to believe that someone or anyone can love us when we're suffering, we're pushed aside, neglected and told 'if you can help yourself then no one can help you', quite the opposite to what we were hoping not to be told.

If you have the strength, distance yourself from these people because there are plenty of people who know how you are feeling and want to help you.

Ezzi let us know why you feel like this and are very concerned for you.

Take care.

Geoff.