Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[Jstar49]

Hi all,

Interesting thread- quite challenging!

I love it when ppl say they like themselves, but it's hard for me.

Spontaneous sunflower (love sunflowers!!!) you said :

I am insecure about traits I have that I think generally society does not see as desirable traits. Like I'm sensitive, I think too much and too deeply, I'm emotional, etc.
How do I overcome my insecurities and the voices in my head that are constantly picking myself apart?

Thats the problem isn't it? When we are different in some way. And perhaps for most of our life we have been trying to be a round peg in a square hole. Wanting to fit in. Not being valued, and hence its difficult to value ourselves.

SS, I too am sensitive, emotional, and a deep thinker. I love to cogitate on the world and what makes it the way it is. What makes me tick, and what I think about others, how, why, what....

But thinking about all that stuff can be a bit of a mousewheel, esp if we're comparing ourselves to others, or trying to find out whats 'wrong' with us. Cos y'know, there's been a few ppl in my life who've said those words to me, and they're hard to unhear.

But I'm just different to them, think differently. Have different priorities.

Thats not a bad thing.

So, for me, do I like myself?

Yeah... Yeah I do. Mostly.

I would like to be around more people like me. Then it would be easier to like and accept myself. I'm learning to spot them tho, and gravitate to them. The weird, the unusual, the funky, the beautiful, the exotic, the down to earth, the friendly, the accepting. The ppl who aren't afraid to be different, be themselves.

Maybe we're all on that journey here.

Cheers, and thanks for a lovely space to share,

J*

[Moonstruck]

Hi there...once you have found your tribe as I did many years ago....it is a safe place to fall like no other.

A miracle worth pursuing..the relief is huge...they "get you".. hope you find yours soon.

[ecomama]

Hey J* and everyone

It appears our formidable Blondguy Paul hit the nail on the head before Research caught up when he's said...

"If we welcome and 'accept' our inner critic it does lose its power.."

well HELLO! Research caught up lol. GOOD ONE PAUL.

Thanking the inner critic or thanking perfectionism or thanking fear - wow... for whatever these are trying to make us do ie keep us safe or whatever... thanking them and saying "Thanks, Yeah I hear you but not right now..."

I add "I'm busy living my life".

Acknowledging them that they're part of us is maybe all they need to feel heard and validated.

Leading to a more integrated self.

Nuff said.

Love EM

[blondguy]

Hi Moon Jstar Quirky RX and everyone 🎉

Hey EM....Thankyou for your super post re 'welcoming our inner critic'. And for adding "I'm busy living my life" when our inner critic tries to dominate

Nice1 EM😀

My kindest.....Paul

[Guest_1584]

Hi moon , yeah it must be a beautiful thing to have found them , lucky you. l've never had much luck in the tribe area though myself and pretty well gave up unfortunately .

Watching a thing on bali the other night and they're famous for being such a happy people. Well he was explaining their social type system and that they stay in the same place they were born with the family their whole lives. And it becomes extended family then more extended and it ends up a combo of about 40 families , now that's a tribe. And l thought really , what a beautiful life that could be especially in a place like that. They all have their ups and downs but they stick with it and it all works out.

rx

[quirkywords]

EM Paul and everyone,

I have probably mentioned this before but I have a thread about taming your inner critic, and I beleive one can by challenging what it says ,and by sometimes ignoring and keeping busy. I have had big arguments with my inner critic over the years. I think whatever works for you , use that as our inner critics are different. So thanks everyone for sharing what works for them.

Quirky

[Jstar49]

Hi all,

Rx I reckon you've touched on something there, about community/tribe. If you look around, many ppl are moving, all the time, separating extended families, fragmenting communities. This freedom to do so has been a positive in my life, like when I was a teenager escaping an oppressive, dogmatic family life. It enabled me to experience other ways of being, become more of the person I felt like inside.

Yet as an adult, esp after researching childhood MH issues (one of the contributing factors being friends who move away, or leave the school- which happens A LOT), I cry for my kids when their friends leave their school, or move away. On the other hand it's great when a new friend moves to town....

I have experienced 'my tribe' in glimpses. Different stages of my life. Usually when travelling or more transient. It's an interesting thing tho, becos in any tribe there is pressure to conform, and i tend to be non conformist. It's good to have the freedom to be yourself, and also feel you belong.

Some of that comes down to us, how we feel about ourself, if we can decide to just accept ourselves no matter what, and walk it, talk it, no matter what happens. And of course, be accepting of others in exactly the same way. Allow others to have different opinions without rejecting them. I think Em, that's where the nice convo's with the inner critic could be useful. If we can do it with ourselves..."thankyou for that opinion, but no, I don't think so..." Then we can do it with others.

I admire this kind of strength in others, the strength to disagree without rejecting.

Cheers,

J*

[Guest_1584]

Hi jo

Couldn't they don't come much more nonconforming than me let me tell ya and of course that crossed my mind watching that. And also of the way Autsralia really has nothing like that over all. lt's basically a dog eat dog or me me sadly , money monster mortgages and new cars. l know there's individual family or tribe pockets of cause but the general mentality overall isn't outside of your marriage or whatever at all really , nothing like European mentality or Bali and others anyway .

But yeah at the same time l'd be thinking on one hand to of the repressiveness and many other sangs. l'd like to think there wasn't any mostly though , they know who you are and your you and everyone else is whomever they are but maybe it's not like that, no clue.

rx

[Jstar49]

Hi,

The closest we come to that I reckon, is alternative communities.

I've experienced that a few times, and loved it. Altho it has it's drawbacks....People are people!

But yeah, it's the thing i keep coming back to in my head. Wouldn't it be great to be able to live with a bunch of ppl who share my ideals and values? Now, funnily enough, that ISN'T my family of origin! Heck even my H doesn't want to live in a community like that, so bit difficult.... I can dream!

It would be so great for our elderly tho!

I hear you about the competitive nature of most ppl, the money trap, all that. That's what I like about communities. Less materialistic, more about caring for the environment and working out stuff. Community meetings can be a touch .....time consuming !!

Cheers,

J*

[Guest_1584]

Yeah l'd love that too. lf the people could somehow be the right kind of people it'd be very cool.

l even thought about those big communal properties and like back in the day . But l heard there was so much politics and internal b@tchings in the end usually , that it sounded like no one really made a life of it. Fads .And if they were that way it sure wouldn't be for me.

l do have a friend her l envy really though. He's married few kids cool w his family live in this town too and are scattered about and there's a huge bunch of friends all round in the mix too. But they seem reel friends, real family , one call and he can have all the help he needs , with anything anyone. l've met a lot of them and they all seem like good hearted people and he is himself too , he's wifes really nice too. l mean l dunno if l could handle that life as l'm a very private person and l live weirdly , such a big circle would all mess that up , but he's as happy as a pig in it himself.

rx