Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[quirkywords]

Thebigblue

I think we get into a habit of putting our self down, it is what we do. I don’t think it always means we don’t like ourselves but I think we get used to saying negative things about ourselves.

It takes a real effort to stop those negative words and try and treat ourselves as we would a good friend.
Instead of saying I am helpless , I may need help ,I am not useless , I am trying new things .

I ban words like should, failure and stupid from my vocabulary.

[quirkywords]

ElizabethC

congratulations on your valued contributor award. A well deserved recognition for your understanding words.

[Elizabeth CP]

I fractured my wrist 4 weeks ago and my hand swells if I don't keep my hand up at least shoulder height. This makes it difficult to do even simple things. Today I needed help to open a can of baked beans and couldn't hold the tin while using a spoon to scrape the beans into a container to heat. Relying on my husband to help when he can't see gets very frustrating. Lunch took too long so he had to rush off to get to an appointment by public transport. I normally take him so I can find out what he needs to be doing so I can support him. I felt so guilty and angry about the situation. I was planning to go with him but he had to rush off to get to the bus on time so I was too slow. I am not sleeping properly so I'm always tired and my arm is very uncomfortable particularly when it swells and presses against the cast.

[Elizabeth CP]

Thank you Quirky

[geoff]

Hello Elizabeth CP, I can feel your pain, but that's different than me actually not being in your situation, but I truly send you my commiserations, especially when trying to get comfortable in bed, every time you move it hurts and been there many times and the next time it does happens is no easier than the past.

Pain is never negotiable, I'm really sorry and hope it does improve.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Elizabeth CP]

Thank you for your kind words Geoff

[spontaneous sunflower]

I don't like myself, which is sad to admit since I am the one spending the most time with myself!

I want to like myself, that's a step in the right direction I guess. I want to be happy and I want to achieve my goals but that is hard to do when I don't like myself and sometimes almost don't believe I even deserve happiness and other good things. In a way it almost feels like I'm waiting to wake up one day as a better version of myself, one that I'll actually like. But I know that won't happen lol, life doesn't work that way. It seems to me most people reach their best selves by loving themselves. It must be like you love yourself to a point where you realise all those qualities you imagined your better version of yourself to possess, you actually possessed the whole time.

So... I think I understand the concept of self love, and I want to like myself so desperately. But I'm a huge overthinker, I pick apart every little mistake I make and I am my own worst critic. I find it hard to combat my insecurities. I am insecure about traits I have that I think generally society does not see as desirable traits. Like I'm sensitive, I think too much and too deeply, I'm emotional, etc.

How do I overcome my insecurities and the voices in my head that are constantly picking myself apart?

[blondguy]

Hello spontaneous sunflower

Welcome and thankyou for being a part of the Beyond Blue forum family too!

I understand you where overthinking is concerned...I wrote this thread back in 2016 when I was lost and yes 'self love' or liking ourselves can be hard ask when we are self critical...and well said!

I had the title of this thread changed from 'Love' to 'Like' a couple of years ago as loving ourselves was a big ask for a lot of people...me included 🙂

Just to respond to your question spontaneous sunflower....I would be seeing my GP/Counsellor frequently to help me find some peace...If these 'feelings' begin to have a detrimental effect on our daily ability to function at work or in our personal lives.

The forums are rock solid safe and non judgmental. I really hope you can stick around...(only if you wish)

I hope you have a really good week spontaneous sunflower!

my kind thoughts

Paul

[Guest_4593]

I just wanna be happy !! That's all

[Guest_1584]

Hi guest.

That's a beautiful want and at the end of the day it's what really matters isn't it, or else what's the point.

Once yrs ago when l was in a bad way l stumbled across this older german man counselor, lf they were all as good as him no one would need counselors anymore.

He said what makes you happy , just do that. He said does it make us happy should be at the top of any list and decisions in life .

l thought about that for a long time and l'm still practicing because it's amazing how easy it is to forget and how often the one thing l don't ask myself. How mad is that bc really it should be the one thing l do ask myself, l was even gonna frame it and put it up on a wall somewhere.

rx