Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[Guest_1584]

Fully agree quirk , matter of fact just today. My daughter and l were talking and she's been in a very bad way asked how l was going l'd normally stay perky for her but said tbh darlin pretty damn crap right now. She actually appreciated the honesty and we talked about my crap for a bit too for once , which actually still helped her too , it was really nice .

[white knight]

Random,

That would be nice, having your daughter ask you what is wrong. My daughter, full of bipolar like me asks me the same now, she's 31yo.

On a separate topic-

I had a boss once. After 4 weeks of working for him he asked me what I thought if him so I told him he was a nasty so and so. Then I asked him what he thought of me...." I won't judge you for 6 months" he said.

At the end of 6 months he asked me what I thought of him "you're a nice guy and a good boss"...he said "see, 5 months ago you didn't like me, it goes to show, never judge someone for 6 months"

Prejudging someone and getting it wrong, making error, can damage our self esteem which leads to feeling guilty.

TonyWK

[quirkywords]

Katy
well done for starting the jar . I did one fir a few days and then forgot to keep going.

I know a family that put in notes of positive things and then read at end of year.
it is like gratitude journal.

Elizabeth thanks for sharing about your sister.

Tony I like the idea of waiting 6 months before judging a person.

Randomx I am glad you and your daughter could share and be honest.

Jack thanks for your post. I think the forums are great because there are always people listening when we don’t want worry those we normally talk to.

I think we are all on a mental health journey and we just try to adjust to the bumps and potholes along the way.

[Guest_1584]

Yeah , l always feel like you should be strong for your kids , l dunno if that's right but l also think being human is a nice thing too.

Funny your boss asked you that tony , don't reckon too man would do that.

[Jack2021]

Thanks quirky,

Yeah they are great for that, a lot of the time in person I feel like I'm just pulling down others when I talk to them about this sort of stuff in the long term...which ultimately is what this is I guess...a long term thing.....Mmmmmm yeah a lot of bumps and potholes on the way for sure haha


Katy,

Just wanted to comment on the thing you started with your glass jar sounds sooo good! Now I wanna try it too!! 😊

Changing your thoughts is a good one too, I've been trying many different takes on that, but the main one that has helped me the most so far somehow, is where I avoid thinking about the future or thinking about making any decisions about anything when I'm feeling very anxious or depressed.
It's usually always right in the morning when my anxiety and depression are usually at its worst...maybe it's got something to do with me being a night owl and always finding it difficult getting out of bed...but yeah I have to force myself not to think about certain topics or think about making decisions until later in the day when I'm up and out of bed.
when I'm still in bed just woken up, it all just feels too hard and I just don't want to do anything really ...it Never Ever used to be this bad for me before I started this "journey" , but then again I think I'm a bit of a different person now to be honest....not liking anything I used to like, main passion in life just being destroyed, trying to go through a career change, etc ,etc, etc......Anyway enough rambling from me....



Liking myself a bit better today, getting a few things done, and having positive thoughts for what I could do/apply for part time work when I figure out my study and volunteer schedule...as well as the homework workload 😱😱 but done an advanced diploma before, so doing a cert 3 now....not too fussed... trying to think positive 😊

[quirkywords]

Kris G

thanks for your kind words. I have up and down days and are honest with people who understand. My children are busy with their own families.
I find volunteering really helped and still helps me.

How did your family react when you told them how you really felt.?
I fell the more honest we are the more people will understand our struggles.
take care

quirky

[Elizabeth CP]

Currently not liking myself. Feeling useless and hating the way I'm overreacting to things. I feel anger and hurt but also guilt for the way I feel & act. Too scared to speak to family members because I'll probably say the wrong things and make it worse. I don't know how to keep going like this

[Sophie_M]

Hi Elizabeth CP,

So sorry that you are struggling right now with how you feel about yourself and your reactions to certain things around you.  I acknowledge that it can be very difficult to like certain behaviours when acting from a place of anger, hurt and/or guilt.  

If things are getting too much for you we would strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467). 

If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. 

You are not alone and the community is here to support you.  

[quirkywords]

So sad to read you are feeling so overwhelmed.

You maybe feeling useless but you do so much for so many people in your life that I feel exhausted just thinking about what your responsibilities are.

Did something happen to day did someone say something to you to make you feel like that.

I know your life since covid has been very difficult.

Be kind to yourself.

[TheBigBlue]

Hi All,

Its been a while since I popped in, but I have been busy & doing ok these past few weeks.

But on this topic of “liking” yourself, my psychologist today asked me “why was I so cruel to myself?” She asked if I would say these things I have been saying to myself to anyone else. I wouldn’t dream of saying such things to anyone else, so I really can’t understand why I do it to myself. And I can see/understand it isn’t helpful but I get so frustrated at myself & have some very “wrong” core beliefs about myself.

so I can only assume there is a part of me that doesn’t like myself, why else would I be so awful & critical of myself?