Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[ecomama]

Hey Jack

My thread's called 'new person' in the PTSD section.

I still have LOTS of children at home, 100% care.
My eldest children were also 100% in my care.

I'm well past 50yo, I'll give you that much! lol.

If you want to pop on my thread, maybe we can shoot some pool over there lol?

Jack, the thing about our "capacity" for anything is this; whether we think we can or we think we can't, we're right.

No one on earth can change your mind about anything unless YOU WANT that.
I doubt you'd be here on the forums if you'd truly given up all hope.

I could ramble on about the "negative" or "bad" things that have happened in my life, less than 10% of it is on my thread... but that's enough.

I'm taking 100% responsibility for my own mental HEALTH and working to maintain it every day.

You can too if you like, it's entirely up to you dear man.

Do I like myself?
Sure!
I had 30 gorgeous teenagers here tonight for Yvette's birthday party.
The house and garden was all spruced up, things looked so lovely.

Feeling really Blessed right now, smiling from ear to ear 😁 < see?

Don't really need a reason to like myself, I just do.

Love EM

[Guest_1584]

You got a pool table over at your thread , shyt , alright l'm comin over.

rx

[Jack2021]

Thanks Rx 😊

Darn....yeah I know what you mean though, tough times just feel tougher, and it's so hard getting everything back together again, even just thinking about it leaves me totally stressed out and exhausted most days...

Yeah that's what I'm hoping at least...I mean I went to this absolute crap show of an info session for the course I want to study, and still ended up enrolling and everything because honestly it seems like my last choice left as far as an "in person" course goes...all the other ones are either booked out or already started their Feb and March intakes, and I definately wasn't keen on studying online or waiting for July intakes.....hopefully the actual trainers are better than the office staff...lol

[Jack2021]

Hiya EM

Ohh cool cool yeah I'll definately pop over and say hi 😊

Ahhh I see I see....worlds apart from me haha but wow that sounds like a lot of work, but as well hopefully very very rewarding! 😊

Yeah that's true, but yeah easier said than done for me...I try my best to be happy and positive and this and that and whatever, but for me it's just crap after crap after crap..I try to be positive, but in all honesty there's not much in my life anymore to be positive about...so yeah ... .....also a lot of me talking right now is me being in a pretty bad headspace at the moment so again I apologize....just finding it hard to cope right now..

So glad to hear you like yourself, sounds like a wonderful party as well 😊

[quirkywords]

Jack

I had a really bad year last year and I found admitting I was not ok and that bad things had happened helped.
I feel there are times when we don’t feel positive and things feel awful. I think finding one thing I am grateful for helps, some days I was grateful for food, or being able to walk.

however I believe in being honest and saying how hard it is to cope somedays.

many of us have been or still are in a bad headspace.

Others may disagree with me but being honest has helped me rather than pretending to be positive and everything is fine.

[Elizabeth CP]

I agree with you Quirky. Recently I spoke to my sister who lives in the US. She's recently had her 2nd covid vaccine. Her attitude fits what you are saying. She experienced quite nasty side effects and accepted they were rotten and she needed to take it easy while she was affected.

Ie She was honest and accepted her feelings were normal under the circumstances. As Quirky said pretending everything it good doesn't help. Being kind to herself and allowing time to recover was important

Importantly she tried to be positive by reminding herself that these side effects are part of the process showing the vaccine is working.

ie She looked for a positive slant which helped give her hope for the future so she could get through the experience.

Each of us will have very different challenges but that same process may help.

She now feels relieved knowing she is safe after a difficult year as she is at high risk if she had got the virus.

I remember years ago going to my GP to get time off due to some MH issues. I felt stupid for feeling how I did. The GP listened to what had happened and then explained how he felt after a similar experience. Suddenly I felt understood and realised feeling like I did under the circumstances was normal rather than shameful. It helped me to move on instead of feeling like a failure for feeling how I did.

[Kris_G]

Thank you to all who responded to my post about reverse parking. I am working hard to like myself better, stop being a perfectionist and quieting that inner voice telling me I am not good enough.

[Kris_G]

Hi Quirky,

I'm sorry to hear you had a bad year last year. Hopefully, this year has started better for you. May I ask if you've told your family and/or friends you are not okay? I told my family 3 years ago during a family dinner I was depress at the time. And I told my three closest friends over 15 years ago, looking back now was my low point in life that I was suicidal.

[Jack2021]

Hey quirky

Darn that's no good...I can relate soooo much because last year was also a shocker for me and yeah it ultimately led me down this dark road of mental health issues where I still am now..

Funny you mention that too, because I was in denial for years and years (although only mild, manageable stuff)
But it's only gotten severe last year and this year especially, that yeah just like you, I found that admitting that things were not ok has helped me a bit, sometimes a lot, sometimes only a little, and also me being a sort of private person, talking to friends and family has also helped quite a bit....

It's just so demoralising having setbacks (of course it will be though, and sadly I knew they will happen I guess)

But yeah, was doing pretty well last week and the week before all things considered, but then a few things happened, busy Friday and a busy weekend in the country hours away from home, and my depression is right back as strong as ever, anxiety attacks, and just getting that almost constant state of misery, hopelessness, "I can't do it", no passion for life, no hobbies, no happiness, etc, etc..... Trying to save money as not working at the moment so finding something to do that isn't going to cost much is so hard as well.....

But yeahhh...thank you so much...I've pretended to be positive and like everything was fine for so much of my life, then as soon as I get home I'd just break down and think I'd have to go it alone....to be honest I'm not that bad now, but I still get days like that and still feel like that a lot, even though I have a few people to talk to now, at the same time when it's really really bad I can't really talk to them all the time I guess....Hmmm hard to explain this one...but yeah as well relationship issues thrown into the mix really really makes things a lot worse.....always

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi all

I spoke previously about creating a "self-esteem platform". Laying the foundations, so that when something or someone shakes us, we're still on steady ground.

In a practical sense, for me, the idea was to write notes with difficult things I'd achieved (however small - maybe today it's "I got out of bed before lunch, even though it took all my effort"). Anyway, my psych asked how it was going filling my jar of notes, and I hadn't started. So today, I've got a nice big jar, popped 7 notes of things I've achieved recently, into it, and even just knowing that I've put the effort into doing it, and I can see it there, feels pretty good. My psych suggested I read those notes when things feel hard.

And just for a share - one of the notes says "Chose thoughts that felt better". I've been trying to think about my thinking more. For example - my ex cheating on me popped into my head the other day. Instead of jumping on that thought train which would have made me feel yuk, I decided to think about the birds flying about in the park, and how free it must feel. That felt nice 🙂

I do like myself when I practice self care. I also like myself when I'm gentle with myself when I don't.

Much kind thoughts to everyone trying to like themselves a bit more xo