Do you forgive?

[Guest_1055]

Feeling hesitant about writing this and little scared of what people will think about me, a fear of being rejected I think. Well here goes.

Just today I have been thinking about forgiveness, forgiving the people who hurt us, let us down, or bring us pain in any other way. And I think forgiving actually helps us.

So what I aim to do, as a strategy to get rid of bitterness from within me is to:

1. Grap an apple or a potato from the kitchen.

2. I am off to see what I have got, yeah I have an apple that is going soft.

3. Write on the apple or whatever you have chosen " I forgive you" and draw a smiley face, that is what I did, and it is looking right back at me now.

4. Think of that person that has hurt you, and say I forgive you....... for hurting me.

5. And then I will go to the ocean, because I live near there. Walk down to the waves, and use all my physical strength and throw the apple as far as a can. "Just let in go"

Note:  If anyone tries this strategy from beyond blue, and I come across an apple on the beach. I will toss it back in for you.

Not sure of the outcome of this strategy yet, but I will keep you posted if you would like.

Also if you are not near an ocean, maybe you could choose a paddock.

OK going to post this now, still scared of what people will think of me."Rejection"

[Durras]

Hi Chicken Wings

I realize now that the old saying is true Distance does make the heart grow fonder and stronger. I know now that my family does and did love me but I was too blind and rebellious to notice when I was back home in NZ, I wish I could make up for all those lost years with them.

I to don't like myself and unhappy with all the choices and decisions I have made, I regret my past life completely and feel really unworthy. Like you say I only have myself to blame for this.

I met a really nice man 4 years ago and not long after we met he told me "as long as your with me you don't need this medication" so I threw them in the bin and we were married in July.

I know he loves me deeply, cares for me and my daughter and he has given me the most happiest 4 years of my life, thou like yourself I wonder why he loves  me, what it is about me that he loves, I feel often that I have nothing to offer or give back.

Yet because I know he does love me, cares for me and my girl and has given me and shown me a new happy life I want to be with him.

My past keeps coming up, my struggles with my daughter and my ex keep coming up, my mind is always telling me I'm not worthy, I'm useless and hopeless I can't make sense of anything, sometimes I feel like I'm living a lie.

I don't feel comfortable around people, I want to just stay with him and I. When I'm out I feel like I can't breath.

I know I need to find full forgiveness and self worth for myself first so I can really deeply appreciate and know this love I have for my husband is just as much as it is from him to me. I know It is love else I wouldn't of married him but it is the acknowledging from him that is stopping me from seeing and feeling it both ways.

I don't  know if any of this makes sense I feel like I am rambling on.

I have my first support group meeting today and I will ask the question how do you forgive yourself. That is number one for me too.

Durras

X

[MisterM]

Not really.
I find it hard.
I can't let go of anger when someone hurts me.

[Chicken_Wings]

Sounds like you've found a lovely man Durra. It must make you feel safe.
My psychologist asked me to write a list of what a happy life would look like for me and "feeling safe" was my #1.

I really miss NZ since I've not been there. I had no idea how much till about 6 months after I left. 
Sometimes I even watch Motorway Patrol and get homesick!

Self worth is something I really struggle with too. I'm not sure how to improve it, but from reading other people's posts I have seen again and again that people on here care so much about other people, love them and want to do right by them, but struggle to see their own value.
What becomes clear from reading these posts is that these people do have so much to offer, so much to give and want so much to be a good partner or parent, this desire to be good is a thing of huge value, we just do see it.

I'm guilty of this too. I want to be the best kind of friend, partner, employee etc
I should feel proud for wanting this and trying to do it because there are some people who just don't care. But I don't feel like it's enough.

[Guest_1055]

Hello Stef

I took note of something in your post to Michael, in regards to connecting with others.

I think I can relate to that, because when I feel connected to someone else, and I am not sure it happens a lot. But I do feel happier. I can't even explain what the connection is though.

Xxx

[ggcatlady]

A funny thing happened to me when I forgave someone who had done me a wrong.  Despite what she'd done, I decided to hide my anger from her and treat her as if I had no grudges against her.  Well, guess what happened?  She responded in kind and has helped me many times since.  So now my anger has subsided and I like her much better.

[Guest_1055]

Hello MisterM

I'm so sorry that you have been hurt, it is an awful painful feeling to have to feel. I am not sure if you are like me, but I can get emotionally hurt very easily, I am too sensitive. Like you I also can become angry. The anger sits and stews inside my heart, the anger is towards the person who has hurt me. This anger towards that particular person..... well it is not a pleasant feeling either. So from my experience, once you choose to forgive that person who hurt you, well for me the anger feeling goes. The hurt may still be there, and sometimes  the hurt can take a while to properly heal. 

Now having said all that sometime the destructive emotion of anger for me ,is a very blinding and consuming emotion. And it sometimes grips you painfully tight. And it is hard to see clearly the way to go. Because that is all you are stewing in. So I let it go, just let the anger go.....by crying it out, punching my pillow and I have even screamed it out in the waves at the beach.  Then it is somewhat easier to choose to forgive.

Anyway MisterM thanks for reading my ramblings.

With hugs

Shelley xxx

[Guest_1055]

Hey ggcatlady

​Welcome hug for you, as I was reading your post, I was wondering if what you chose to do was almost like overlooking their wrong? I have to agree with you, when we hold no grudges and forgive the person..... yeah it can restore the relationship. That is if we want the relationship restored. Because I think when the grudges or anger is gone from your heart, well love can just flow out. I have experienced the same as you in this regard I am thinking. For me I try to always not let anger grip onto me, or hide inside me. I don't always succeed at this, but when I do, I notice the difference within me. A sort of freedom.....

Thank you for your words here, and how is your cat Heidi? The cat that hides.

Hugs for you

Shelley xxx

[Guest_1055]

Hey Durras

  I'm sorry you are having all these struggles, with your daughter and your ex. A warm hug for you, and I want to say welcome and I hope you are OK ......

I can relate to you feeling uncomfortable around people........ for me I feel so awkward and self conscious. Like sometimes I don't even know how to hold my body. And I don't even know how to verbally speak much. So you are not alone in that.

I also can relate to the feeling of worthlessness or lack of self worth, and I have not worked that out as fully as yet. I think it is like what chicken wings mentioned we struggle to see our own value. The fact is we are all precious, we are all valuable and we do matter. But for some reason, our feelings don't match up to the ultimate truth here. 

I am glad you have such a loving and caring husband. And I hope it was OK at your first meeting at "Grow".

With many hugs

Shelley xxx

[Guest_1055]

Hey CW and your cute doggie with the smiling teeth

We do so much struggle with seeing our own value or worth. For me I know without a doubt that other people are valuble and are extremely precious and worthwhile. But I don't know why we struggle.....

I know this question is off the topic, and I hope it is OK to ask. But have you been on that aeroplane flight yet. I am just wondering if you were OK, because I know you were feeling anxious about it.

Ok bye now

Shelley xx

[Chicken_Wings]

Hi Shelley,

I haven't been on the flight yet, that will be in the new year.

i have another appointment with my psychologist on the 6th and I hope he can give me more help then.

i had a Skype with my mum too, we had a cry together.

hope you're doing well today