Can you list what you like about yourself?

[mmMekitty]

Hello everyone! [Grinning LRC*]

Please, as a challenge or to share, I would like to invite anyone & everyone to write a list of any length you want, of what you like about yourself.

We might even have a discussion about what to include on these lists or not.

Most of all, for this Discussion, I hope, for those who find this really difficult, that reading what others like about themselves will give you some ideas of what is possible. Maybe you will find you like some of these things about yourself?

Big hugzies to everyone

mmMekitty

* LRC = Little Red cat, who wasn't really so little.

[Eagle Ray]

Dear mmMeKitty

I really enjoyed reading about you being able to keep your anxiety in check during the thunderstorm. I feel like it’s a kind of self-parenting we develop that we were meant to get as kids but for some of us we have to learn how to manage certain things later that we missed out on. Or at least that is true for me, as I know I have multiple things I’m scared of (but getting less scared over time). I’m so happy you felt a sense of agency and empowerment after today 🙂

I had a slightly similar experience. Normally I’m very quiet in social situations and often find it hard to participate in conversations. Other people don’t hesitate to interject over one another, while I often just sit there mostly a spectator. I know this has much to do with the invisibility I felt as a child, and the feeling that my views, feelings etc were not important compared with others.

 But today was different. I caught up with a group of friends I’ve known for years. I really surprised myself as I was much more confidently conversational than usual. It’s like I was able to express myself with ease without even really thinking about it.

 I think what has happened is that as I’ve been processing trauma stuff I’ve also been releasing it, including ingrained ideas of self internalised in childhood. Today I actually liked my social self, whereas usually I’ve shrunk down into myself and feel kind of inadequate. I was able to share my feelings and thoughts while being very open and engaged with the feelings and thoughts of others.

I’m learning to value what I feel and honestly share it. Usually I downplay my world/life and don’t let on if I’m struggling either. I was able to share things today I usually wouldn’t. It felt fine and even helpful to others who could relate and share with me. That’s a really big step for me.

[By the way I’m with GFC - grey fluffy cat right now. She’s a good communicator, telling me what she needs, so I learn a lot from her too 🐱🥰 GFC sends friendly purrs and cuddles to LRC]

[mmMekitty]

Hi ER & everyone

It is liberating to leave the voices of our past behind. It isn't always easy, & sometimes we will need to speak up even while the old voice of someone who berated us, shamed us, silenced us, begins to reassert themselves again. We need to recognise this as a time to push past their yammer & forge ahead with stating what we need to say.

If I had allowed the old voice of my (ex-)step-mother to shout me down, I would not have been able to tell the GP what I want & to answer a question she had asked, in a tone which meant she was assuming I had found my info from some random blog or sone such. But, no. I am careful where I get my info, so I could tell her the source. & I also suggested a med might be 'masking' another possible cause of my cognitive problems. Without actually saying so, I think she had to reluctantly agree, indeed there may be some other possible causes, other than picking the first, most common & most likely diagnosis off the shelf.

If I had simply folded up into myself, as I tend to do, I would have walked out of her room with no referral to a specialist for more extensive tests, which, I hope will determine with more certainty what is going on, & therefore, what steps are nest.

& if I had walked out without the referral, how long will it be before the problems I am experiencing will be taken seriously by my GP?

I'm glad I spoke up. What I need is important, even if not so to her.

ER, when I was a child, us kids weren't permitted opinions. From adults: only speak when spoken to. Say "please" & "Thank you" & say your sorry when told to.

When I was a child I loved thunderstorms. It wasn't until I lived upstairs in a unit where when the rain fell, even lightly, it was loud. During severe thunderstoms I became fearful & anxious from that time on. The more severe the weather the worse are my symptoms. Gradually, living in my current unit, on ground floor, I've learned to cope & settle myself better. For Mekkiy's sake, I wanted to at least, seem to be calm. Now I am coping better for my own sake.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Eagle Ray]

Hi MK,

 I really like where you say:

We need to recognise this as a time to push past their yammer & forge ahead with stating what we need to say.

This is absolutely what I need to do as well. I’m improving at it, while still having my moments of inner collapse where I lose my voice. But also learning not to beat myself up for that, as I’m always doing my best in the moment.

 I’m sure your research is thorough MK and it’s quite likely you know more than the GP on the topic. I have a rare autoimmune liver disease and I’ve not had one GP yet who has known what it is. They won’t admit this though and won’t hesitate to tell you what to do while understanding nothing about it. Multiple times a GP has put the wrong disease down on a form and I’ve had to explain what I have is something different. When I try to communicate what I know about it they never respond or engage like they don’t want to admit what they don’t know.

So I think following your instincts and intuition is a good thing. GPs can be way too dismissive and presumptuous. I know their job can’t be easy at times, but a basic courtesy of genuinely listening to and being present with patients should be the basis of the medical encounter. Ideally it should be a team effort and they should be happy that you’ve really looked into things and taken that responsibility for your own health care.

 I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better with the thunderstorms. I loved them as a kid too but I’ve also had some close lightning encounters, so I have an element of fear too. I try to think it’s a bit like being on a plane. Just as I can’t control what a plane does once I’m on it, I can’t control a thunderstorm either, so I try to kind of enjoy the energy of the storm while not being too freaked out. I certainly feel safer if I’m indoors or in a moving car which is meant to be good protection.

 I previously lived with two dogs, one who was terrified of thunderstorms and would hide under the bed or table, the other who couldn’t care less. I would go and comfort the one who was scared and give him pats and cuddles.

Hugzies,

ER

[mmMekitty]

Hi ER

Mekitty would, when the storms were loud with rain, or there was loud thunder with the lightning, go under my bed. There was no reassuring her. I could really only let her be. I might, trying to deal with my own anxiety, get into my bed, & I"d be trying to talk to her while I was there, as if to calm her down as well as myself.

She would take longer to come out from under the bed than I would to get up again following such storms.

Other times, my anxiety would make me too restless, & I'd go from one side of my unit to the other, looking out, (even though I can't see all that much), as if, just checking or wanting to see where the storm was heading, does it look like it will be easing soon, things like that.

Convincing my hindbrain, (I think that is where the fears come from, that where I am, I am about as safe as I can possibly be, & just a little more so if I can keep myself away from the windows.

I tried to keep my voice calm, to not go overboard with the reassurance, because of some tv shows about, mostly dog training, & helping them with problems, which commonly advised against going to & giving a dog which is anxious lots of attention, cuddles & such, because that can encourage the dog to behave like they are terrified all the more, because it also sends the message there is something wrong & being terrified is the 'good dog' thing to do.

I'm not sure how that applies to cats.

I have seen dogs for whom that was definitely the truth. The two dogs I knew, were 'rewarded' with their owner returning several times to reassure with cuddles & such every time they went to leave them to go out for shopping, or even to talk to someone in another room. It' was as if they had trained to act as if in a lot of pain whenever their owner went out of sight.

I'll write more about the medical stuff later.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

Actually, I'll go back to my own "Introducing mmMekitty" discussion [ where most of the last post ought to be, really... but I like my curiosity, that I can be interested enough to find out more, & have learned I am worth some time & respect, at least to listen to for 2 minutes!

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

Hi again everyone

Today I was happy with my decision & determination to do enough exercise today to feel the effort, the muscles working & my heartrate going up some, & making myself sweat & get hot & a little breathless - that is, I feel I really did exercise while doing the things I decided to so, which were, to wash hand wash my hat, the mats I use to keep my cutting boards in place, & also to wash (mop) the underside of the piece of carpet I have in my bathroom, then I mopped the tiles in there & in the kitchen & near my front door, having added a few drops of a scented oil to make the place smell pretty.

It's not easy to do these things, because my back will hurt, so then I have to stop sometimes, so it also takes a while. I also was using my 3kg dumbbells  today too. 

I wanted to make up for missing my Saturday gym workout because my support worker is unwell.

& I wanted to not allow the disappointment to mean that the day was wasted because she was unwell. No, I thought, I can jolly well do some things for myself, & get exercise as well.

I like that I had the determination in me to do these things today.

mmMekitty

[yours_truly]

1. My ability to just jump in and give someone a listening ear, or extra shoulder. I've always been extra ready to hear someone out and make them feel heard

2. My honest and genuine desire to make someone else laugh and feel the serotonin flooding through them even just for a split second

3. My ability to bond with others and share something in common with someone else 

[mmMekitty]

Hi Yours_truly

I like the three things you like about yourself. Those are warm & caring traits you have. 

Feeling that someone is open & supportive, willing to listen & who does their best to understand is vital when a relationship requires good communication.

My Psychiatrist has these traits, (well, not the literal shoulder), & that's what has made a huge difference in how I am now feeling about myself. I'm no longer thinking Iam nearly so awful as I once used to think. My PDr regularly will gently mention how I may still talk about myself in the old judgemental & critical ways my (ex-)step-mother often had done when I was a child. It really feels like an old & unhelpful way to be thinking & feeling about myself.

If through listening & supporting others in your life, boosting their self-esteem, & then also sharing a laugh, you also feel good, then great!! I'm all for it.

Thank you for taking the time & thinking about things you like about yourself.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Guest_1643]

I like my willingness to push myself,

My warmth as a human

My perceptiveness and observant nature

[mmMekitty]

Hello Sleepy-Guest

Those are great & positive qualities about yourself. Thank you. 

I like that today, although feeling down & disappointed, to the extent that I went into my bedroom & had a long sleep, I don't feel 'bad' for doing so. My support worker couldn't take me to the gym today, saying she is not feeling well, but I suspect she is not so ill.... I don't know, but what can I do? Then only phoning when she was due to arrive at my place... no, I was not happy. It threw me off-balance. I suddenly felt I needed more sleep, or, more likely, to escape my feelings.

More about this on my 'Introducing mmMekitty' discussion.

Hugzies Sleepy-Guest & everyone

mmMekitty