Boosting of self-esteem

Neil_1 · ‎16-03-2014

Hi good people of Beyond Blue;

Without doubt a key factor that contributes to our mental health issues is the complete lack of self esteem that we have of ourselves. We consider ourselves of not being worthy, not being able to achieve tasks and completely lacking in skills of life. There's possibly other things as well, but I'll stop at that. Also comparing ourselves to other people - I think that's a "no-no" of monumental proportion. Every one is different - everyone has their own personalities, traits and skills - but you know what, I bet everyone has their own issues and while we may see someone else as being: "popular, confident, seemingly doing well for themselves and perhaps even in a relationship or not" things don't always appear as they seem with that person - so don't compare yourself with others.

Back to self-esteem. I was shown just recently an exercise where I had to get my age (and so this can be done by EVERYONE, because we all have an age) and divide your age into 3 sections. I'm 48; so mine was from:

0 - 16; 17 - 33 & 34 - 48 (something like that anyway)

Each of these is a heading and then below that type up "dot points" for things that you achieved between those ages - and dear people, it can be anything - anything and everything.

eg: 0-16: I'd learned to walk, talk, run, ride a bike, how to write, how to read, play different sports; I was quite successful as a cricketer, so I bang on a lot more about my cricketing achievements.

17-33: move from country town to city and find a job - and so earn money - more sporting achievements, etc etc.

They aim for this is to produce 101 items (as a minimum). But hey, don't stress it if you can't - commence it; save it and go back to it. It's a "living" document - where it can be added to at any time in the future. Maybe by new achievements/successes or that you've remembered another achievement from your past.

And then keep looking at it and going over it; over and over it and embed these images in your head. That you ARE a brilliant person, you are a SPECIAL person, that you HAVE achieved a massive amount in your life.

For those wishing to extend yourself, I've actually just thought of a new column: for achievements that you'd like to accomplish in your future: that could be anything: like hitting a hole in one in golf, to finding that special man/woman in your life, to backing the trifecta in the Melbourne Cup; to seeing a Justin Beiber concert, to going on a holiday overseas.

Anything dear people - the power is in your fingers to type away - the power is in your mind to produce these lists.

GO FOR IT.

Neil

ps: I was totally kidding about the Justin Beiber comment! No "hate" responses please. 🙂

the_motorcycle_boy · ‎20-03-2014

Hi Mares,

You can get the book at Fishpond (fishpond.com.au)

The whole title is Self-Esteem Third Edition A proven program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem by Matthew McKay & Patrick Fanning.

Publisher - New Harbinger Publications
ISBN: 1572241985

I wish you the very best with the book! Take care.

Cheers
Henry

Jo3 · ‎20-03-2014

Hi Mares,

I am sorry but I have just read your post and your kind words about me.

Thank you so so much Mares, it means a lot to me to have you say that about me, even though I struggle with my self esteem. I had tears in my eyes reading what you wrote. Can't believe it's about me.

Mares sometimes it is so damn hard to work out things in life, but I am fighting this.

It's funny because I was just thinking of you and was wanting to write to you to ask how you are going - and then I see your reply and what you wrote about me,

Mares, you are a fighter as well, and I treasure you as a freind, an online friend, even if we don't ever meet - you'll be my friend on here,

OK, enough otherwise I am going to need more tissues,

Mares, thanks for being so honest and caring. I just want you to be happy, healthy and enjoy life.

Take care my friend

Jo xxx

Mares73 · ‎22-03-2014

Thanks Henry ive ordered the book (as Neil knows-it will add to my growing pile of books and no action. This ill need to change. And Jo you suffer like me from extremely low Selfesteem which goes all the way back to our childhoods. When I asked my pysch about 'how too you grow & maintain Selfesteem, she said its not something big that will happen and make me realise my self worth. Rather it is a combination of doing different small things each day until you can see and feel hope. I'm still working on that one. Guys I'm about to have a whole week to myself in Newcastle-she said I'd get more out of that than hospital. So I found little hotel on beach & get train Monday. Then Friday-Monday kids & hubbie come up for family time. I'm so so scared!! Neil what am I going to do?? I thin they have wifi so can take ipad. Then was going to start & finish "The Happiness trap" and do a lot of writing in my new journal about how I can improve my situation. Of course that's all dependant on my mood crashing & having another meltdown. But in the past 2 wks I have done pretty good-walked with my. Kids to school, cook dinners, do washing, keep up my journal and look for Volunterring work. There is an organisation that deals with alcoholism at an individual level & teaches life skills, stress techniques etc and they contacted me for an interview today. He said he'd. Had over 55 applications for the volunteering position. He wants to meet me the week I get back with my Résumé, degree & references. They are asking a lot for a volunteer! But the work would be policy development which is my strength. So the future has other options-I just need to participate in life again. I hope you are all doing something for yourself each day-remember to keep a journal so you'll see change over time. Ill stay in touch with updates. Neil you never did back to me re how your REALLY going so pls let me know but I know you'll only give me the watered down version so ill have to be objective and read between the lines. Love to all, Mares xxx

Neil_1 · ‎23-03-2014

Hi Mares,

Ok, I'll get to the nitty gritty first.

We went to my home town on the weekend for a baptism of my great um, nephew, I think. I'm his great uncle; so it was my bro's, son's boy - I guess that makes sense.

Anyway it was a really lovely occasion and my nephew and his wife have set up the most beautiful home complete with lovely outdoor entertaining area - my bro has two son's and I get on so well with both of them - and it was a really enjoyable arve; plenty to eat and plenty to drink.

But must admit, for a while there, I was in deep fear, so I'm so glad my partner was with me. Fear of being asked a question about who things are going, what are you doing, how's your son, etc etc etc etc. I think I worked it ok, because I'd answer with a short quick answer and then divert it back by asking them a question - it's amazing how much other people will talk if you fire questions at them. There was a dog there, so my daughter and I separated from the group to play with him for a fair while as well.

As we were leaving though, I came down hellishly emotional and broke down just outside their home. Only witnessed by my partner and daughter - the occasion was so nice, it was "too" nice and I just got too overwhelmed by it all. My mum had to leave early as she's incredibly sick with her cancer battle. It's probably the worst we've seen Mum in a long long time.

So there you go Maresy, there's a bit of news about how things are; and I'm desperately seeking an appointment again with my psychiatrist to work through some issues, like perhaps a med review.

I'm so please to hear that you're heading away for a while. That sounds really awesome. Make sure you pack all your things that can keep you occupied, and books - but also Maresy, the location sounds magic, so take your runners with you and do lots of beach walks; I hope there's rock pools nearby cause they are always brilliant to explore. I'm really pleased that you've got this arranged.

Also gives you a good week to tidy up your resume and the like - and so great to hear that the work that you're aiming for is a strength of yours - please keep remembering that, because you KNOW you will excel at it - just in case you feel a bit unsure about it. 🙂

Kind regards

Neil

Girl_Anachronism · ‎23-03-2014

Hi Mares,

I just wanted to chip in and say your week away sounds wonderful and just what you need. I hope you have a great time doing nothing but relaxing and writing in your journal.

GA

the_motorcycle_boy · ‎26-03-2014

Hi Mares,

You're welcome. I hope you enjoy your break.

Henry

Mares73 · ‎30-03-2014

Hi Henry I started a new thread about confronting reality but thought I'd also better come back here and say thanks again re the book. I've ordered it. Currently reading "The Happiness Trap" and another by Stephan Hayes which I don't have with me as its at home but it's called something like "get out of your head & start living-a workbook for getting out of your mind & into your life. I also have "The Mindful Way through Depression", "The Reality Slap" and a heap of others. How are you going?

Jo-think of you everyday. Xxx

Neil-have you got an appt yet to see Pysch & what are you hoping to achieve with the session? Lve Mares xxx

Neil_1 · ‎30-03-2014

Hi Maresy

Hey, where are you? You mentioned in your above reply that you have a book but it is at 'hóme'. Does that mean you're still áway'??

I've now had 4 sessions with my psychologist in this latest bout of sessions. I really want to sort out 'why' I'm not getting any better and how I may be able to overcome my everyday issues. I know I can't fix my BIG issues - ever. They're with me forever, but if I can sort out other issues, then that would be good. So that's been 4 hours completed now and I've gotta say those four hours have flown by. So much to talk about and to discuss - it's always quite full on and you come out feeling pretty worn out at the end of it.

So yeah, what's doin' Maresy? Where are you at at the moment?

Cheers

Neil

Vera55 · ‎30-03-2014

Hello Mares and all.

i just read this whole feed and find the comments really interesting and informative. In fact much more informative and relevant then the many self help books I have read. I have read nearly all of them and would always find a new idea I haven't tried or an answer to my problems.

alas! To no avail. In retrospect I always thought if I just tried hard enough, if I just made more courageous decisions, if I just gave up those unhelpful thoughts, etc. etc. you know the drill. And I loved reading them. They were an old friend I could distract myself, because I didn't know how to fix myself, myself. There must be a key and I wanted to find it.

I would be really interested in other peoples experience with self help books. I think they do have a role in teasing out possibilities for wellness but am not too sure to what extent.

Anyway, am so enjoying this site and learning about you all. Kind regards Vera

Mares73 · ‎30-03-2014

Hey my special friend, I go home tomorrow, I must of got mixed up before but I arrived last Monday & go home tomorrow morning. I know what you mean about discussing "day to day" issues-they can end up turning into a major crisis if we **** grab them and address them as soon as they hit the surface. It's very intense hard work. Do you see a Pyschiatrist as well or just GP & the 10 Medicare sessions with a Pyschologist? Are the people you see good? I've been to some dodgy Counsellors/Pyschologists over the years-a few who actually started crying as I was telling them about my background. They were unbelievable sessions! I had to reassure them I was fine & get out of there as quickly as possible! I shouldn't be telling you that hey? But I thought its a funny story now I can look back on it. Must say I learnt to counsel Counsellors in some ways. But seriously Neil I know you don't like to expose yourself so I won't ask what areas of your life your seeking support with-I just hope your getting it. And what you said about defective questioning is so true! I use it with people when I don't want to talk about myself & your so right-people will happily talk about themselves for ages if you keep asking questions. Anyway just wanted to know how you are doing under the ton of bricks on your shoulder-with love-Mares xxx