Be Yourself but who am I?

[quirkywords]

I have often been told to just be myself but then I am encouraged to be softer, think less, eat less, worry less, relax more , exercise more, be more confident, less timid, less cautious, more adventurous,less selfish, stop being a people pleaser, be happier, be kinder , ask less questions and the list goes on.

I find this confusing if I am to be myself why must I change?

The other problem is who am I, which self should I be: the introvert, the extrovert, the cautious, the risk-taker, the overthinker, the fast talker, the quiet one, the indecisive one, the spontaneous one, the carefree one, the worried one, the selfish one, the altruistic one, and much more.

Thse two words be yourself seem so easy for many people but not for me as it fills me with many questions.

I will limit myself to two questions .

Can you be yourself without changing?

Is it possible to change/improve a part of yourself and still be yourself?

Quirky

[Guest_128]

After awhile when you have been diagnosed with a mental health condition and then maybe diagnosed again and then maybe again. The pros teach you to look at your emotions,then you start to understand them,feel them,and acknowledge them.

Then you want to know????

Is that emotion me,maybe my mental health,maybe because of how I have been treat by others,could be brainwashed,bla bla bla.

Later

[quirkywords]

Later, Sometimes I think will I have a calmer life if I stop asking so many questions, stop overthinking.

I was diagnosed once over 40 years ago and I used to wonder what if the diagnosis was wrong. Then I stopped wondering.

Quirky

[Guest_128]

Thanks Quirky,

I know overthinking does slow down or maybe controlled as you advance with your life and mental health. I still wonder about past events both good and bad,what part of me had control over the situation. I am pretty sure my hubby likes to think they where all my mental health related.

Later

[quirkywords]

Later, I remember going to counselling with my now ex-husband, and he blamed all our problems on my mental health.

I think discovering who we are means accepting mental health labels as well as nurturing all our skills and flaws.

Quirky

[Guest_128]

Yep dido,

but maybe if I could blame all my mistakes on it, I could move on.

See it just goes round and round and round.

[white knight]

People without any mental illness make mistakes too. They cant blame a mental illness for making their mistakes.

Its the old arguement...what mistakes are from our illness and what mistakes were made because they are mistakes humans make?.

Trying to work all this out is focussing on things that are mainly past issues, mistakes made when younger, less wise etc is for me a type of self torture.

So I decided long ago it causes more harm than good. I excused myself from making mistakes. But some people like to remind us, rub our noses in it. In those cases I just ask them "are you telling me you've never made mistakes. I take the focus off me onto them because mistakes is normal.

Tony WK

[quirkywords]

Tony ,thanks for your post.

I agree it is hard to move on when there are people who want you to stay in the past and bring up your mistakes.

I have tried saying what you said about everyone making mistakes but it is difficult if the people are loved ones who still feel hurt by your actions even though they were decades ago.

It is hard to forgive oneself when others won't forgive you.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello all,

I wonder if most people know who they are and are comfortable with themselves and I worry too much.

Quirky

[Guest_128]

I think the others know who they are.

Because they don't think about it.😳

Later

[Guest_3712]

Hi Quirky

Just a thought but I think we are made of so many layers that until something happens where we really have to look at ourselves we don't question who we are .

How many times have you seen/ heard of stories where mothers have shown super human strength to lift a car off a child , or someone survives days in a life threatening situation without food/ water - Stuart Diver at Threadbo or the Beaconsfield mine disaster .

My point is I believe we do know ourselves- honest, kind, thoughtful , generous and so on ( which I think you all are )

What we don't know is how to react in certain situations because of our MI . This causes us to doubt our instincts and question our core values.

Stress, depression, anxiety . meds all cause chemical imbalances that mess with our brain.

Managing these things which is ultimately the goal will get us back in touch with our authentic self .

Stressless