Be Yourself but who am I?

[quirkywords]

I have often been told to just be myself but then I am encouraged to be softer, think less, eat less, worry less, relax more , exercise more, be more confident, less timid, less cautious, more adventurous,less selfish, stop being a people pleaser, be happier, be kinder , ask less questions and the list goes on.

I find this confusing if I am to be myself why must I change?

The other problem is who am I, which self should I be: the introvert, the extrovert, the cautious, the risk-taker, the overthinker, the fast talker, the quiet one, the indecisive one, the spontaneous one, the carefree one, the worried one, the selfish one, the altruistic one, and much more.

Thse two words be yourself seem so easy for many people but not for me as it fills me with many questions.

I will limit myself to two questions .

Can you be yourself without changing?

Is it possible to change/improve a part of yourself and still be yourself?

Quirky

[CMF]

Hi Quirky & all reading,

I know who I am. I'm kind, giving, thoughtful, considerate & hot headed. I find I let people walk all over me sometimes & decided this year I wouldn't be so thoughtful & accepting of others' behaviour. I decided to speak my mind more & tell people what I really think. Trouble is, the thought of doing this message me not like myself. I don't want to stoop to the level of others. It's just not Mr. So I guess I know who I am. I just need to learn how to be firm & honest about my feelings whilst still being kind & thoughtful. I haven't mastered it yet, but I will.

Cmf

[quirkywords]

CMF

Your post is well written. I want to be kind and stand up for myself but it can be tricky. I am trying be honest and firm but sometimes it is hard.
thanks fir sharing your thoughts.

[quirkywords]

As I age I wonder whom Iam. E coming, will I be a grumpy o,d woman or a rebel or a stereotype sweet granny. 
it dies not matter what age you are from teens to a 100, how co you feel about how you change through the years. 

[ecomama]

Hey quirky, you can be whomever you choose to be, can't you? 

I'm not sure if I've changed as much as GROWN in knowledge, skills etc, this is just the fleshy part lol.
The "essence of who I am" remains the same. 
I am a spiritual being having a human experience. 

If it's about personality you're going to a fro about.... can you seize the moment and BE whom you want to BE in the moment with E?

It's a funny thing to think about. 
My professional personality abides by codes of conduct etc, no swearing lol that's about all I need to moderate there lol. 

My family interactions require some holding back of course eg I never offer my opinion unless I'm ASKED for it from my kids or brother or anyone in my family. And TACT, TIMING, kindness and patience come in handy too. 
But these are all strategies in creating a harmonious family life, not my personality. 

My personality appears to shine through whatever I'm doing, or so people say. 

Doesn't bother me either way. 

Love EMxxxx

[quirkywords]

EM you are very confident in who you are. I don’t have that confidence so I used to change so I can fit. I change to avoid conflict or not to annoy people. I like you wait for children to ask foe advice and even then I walk on eggshells. Yes I am classic people pleaser.

thanks for your comment. 

[ecomama]

Dear quirky, yes I'm confident and don't think about "who I am", I just am. 

I think we can change the confidence thing over like a light switch. Switch confidence on. 

Perhaps having a spiritual belief that we were MADE the way we were intended to be, may have helped along the way, IDK. 

Lol don't worry, sometimes I've asked my eldest children up to 3 times, "Hmm are you SURE you want my opinion?" 
Even then I use TACT. I don't see it as walking on eggshells, just being as kind in my delivery as possible lol. 
But I ALWAYS end any of those conversations with "and it's TOTALLY up to you, it's your decision to make". 

I think we are conditioned by society, especially as females, to be people pleasers. 
I don't think this is a problem unless or until we feel "used" or our boundaries are crossed by others' entitlement. IE when we feel uncomfortable about the outcome, because it "cost" us too much. 

Oprah has a GREAT Talk on how she used to be a people pleaser. I thought it was funny that the first person she tried saying NO to was Stevie Wonder! Hahaha. 
She expected him to tell her off and end their friendship etc etc etc... but he just said "Ok catch you later!" 
They remained friends. 

Love EM

[quirkywords]

I have had long covid for several months and find the coughing and tiredness is making me irritable and unmotivated but this is not who I am. I know people reading this cope with chronic illnesses and I wonder how one copes. 

[quirkywords]

I still am tired coughing after 7 mths of first getting covid. 
I won’t let being sick define me. 
how do others stop letting illness define who they are and how they live. 
i have not let bipolar define me . 

[quirkywords]

Just updating  seeing if others have trouble being oneself when others are Telling us how we need to change.

at the moment family tells me to exercise more, complain less , video chat family more ,

connect more, respond to what’s app more. 

can you be yourself in midst of outside pressures. 

[quirkywords]

Just saying hi to anyone reading, this was my first thread on this forum .

I still have problems with be ing myself but also be told to change and improve by others. Sure I have many flaws but I am but no one seems to get that.