Be Yourself but who am I?

quirkywords · ‎17-07-2017

I have often been told to just be myself but then I am encouraged to be softer, think less, eat less, worry less, relax more , exercise more, be more confident, less timid, less cautious, more adventurous,less selfish, stop being a people pleaser, be happier, be kinder , ask less questions and the list goes on.

I find this confusing if I am to be myself why must I change?

The other problem is who am I, which self should I be: the introvert, the extrovert, the cautious, the risk-taker, the overthinker, the fast talker, the quiet one, the indecisive one, the spontaneous one, the carefree one, the worried one, the selfish one, the altruistic one, and much more.

Thse two words be yourself seem so easy for many people but not for me as it fills me with many questions.

I will limit myself to two questions .

Can you be yourself without changing?

Is it possible to change/improve a part of yourself and still be yourself?

Quirky

Elizabeth CP · ‎25-07-2020

I agree. What values would you never compromise on, regardless of the changing world around you. These become your bedrock. Anything else is up for negotiation depending upon the demands of adaptability to change. Following that principal will allow each of us to be comfortable with ourselves. I think the idea of listening to our instincts to determine our values is a good one.

quirkywords · ‎26-07-2020

Elizabeth thanks for tour post.

I think out values can change through out our lives.

We will some core values for life but we will have others that become more important as we age and have more responsibilities.

I think if you can trust ones instincts that is helpful but at times my instincts to trust people too much has let me down.

quirkywords · ‎03-09-2020

Hello everyone How is everyone coping

In times of uncertainty do we tend to become rigid and inflexible rather than adapt to new surroundings and conditions.

I feel a bit lost at times as I have no idea who I am at times. i was the owner of a bookshop and thats how I gained much of my self esteem and identity.

Now i feel as I have lost that I am floundering to find a new sense of self.how wonder how others feel?

White_Rose · ‎03-09-2020

Hello Quirky

I think your loss is different to your values and adaptability. You had no control over the loss of your precious shop and home and it was hugely traumatic. We can decide our values and make an effort to be adaptable because that's our choice. Trauma and loss are in a way non-negotiable. You would have done anything to save these things but could not.

Yes we do tend to be a little rigid in times of uncertainty. It can be our compass to hold on to a direction. But we can certainly we lose sight of who we are. You are probably an adaptable person in general but it's not easy to put aside such a great loss and its accompanying hurt. Hardly surprising to find you have lost your way a little.

I felt lost earlier in the year, unsure what would happen and realizing I had little control over my illness. What I could control was how I approached this, what tasks needed to be done, how I could stay well. I cannot go back to what I was before anymore than you can and it can be hard to accept this.

Because I am me I decided to live each day as it happened but I needed to continue with my meditation practice to keep me in touch with myself and to know all would be well. I think I also practiced a little mindfulness but more by chance than design. I think we do need to find our way back to ourselves but also to recognise the self that existed yesterday is different to the self of today. These selves are probably no better or worse than each other, just a bit different and we need to get acquainted with ourselves again.

I believe this is why I find meditation so valuable. To sit in quietness and to focus my attention on saying my mantra silently in my head gives me time to be what I am and to explore the levels of my being I am often in too much of a rush to pay attention to. Sometimes I feel refreshed and rejuvenated, at other times that I have accomplished nothing. It doesn't matter. What matters is that I have faithfully practiced my meditation and regardless of how it appears to turn out I know it is helpful.

Hope that is useful.

Mary

CMF · ‎19-09-2020

I too don't know who I am lately. I've been getting involved with on line interactions with staff from our other offices but I always picture my colleague, whom I had a fall out with, sitting there calling me a brown nose. I see other offices all supporting and getting involved and don't feel it from mine which makes me feel separate to them . I shouldn't care.I'm just being me but the negative thoughts of what 1 person may think creeps in. I don't know why she has this hold over me. I know I don't trust her, she's sneaky, selfish, no work ethic and she wishes bad on people yet everything goes her way. I picture her being a witch. There is something I cant put my finger on. There's something that makes me uncomfortable and so I can't be myself and confused about who I really am and can be.

quirkywords · ‎19-09-2020

mary

thanks for your helpful post. I am pleased mediation helps you .. I have tried but I find it hard to stop the overthinking. I do try a sort of mindfulness by concentrating one one thing at a time.

CMFThanks for your post. I am sorry that the behaviour one person is upsetting you and makes you feel u comfortable. it is hard when you feel confused about who you are do to others behaviours.

I think when you don’t get support from others you start doubting yourself about who you are.

If you are aware of the negative thoughts she brings out in you is it possible to replace them with positive thoughts that other colleagues have said to and your boss.

Sometimes I know I absorb negative comments like a sponge and let positive comments go through like a sieve.
Ss you know there people like that person who will have that affect on you, so if you can develop tools.

I know from your thread you are hard working thoughtful considerate friendly loyal and ethical. I am sur e many who you work with would see you that way.

Is it mainly online That this person annoys you and if so can you cut down the online interactions or is that part of your work.

I am not I have been any help but I can relate to what you are saying..

Am happy to keep discussing this and maybe others will have ideas too.

Thanks CMF

CMF · ‎19-09-2020

Thanks Quirky,

It's more in the office as she doesn't get too involved in the online stuff although I feel she judges me when I do.

Any way. No more talk about it here as I would only be giving it attention it doesn't deserve. I just need to learn to not let what others think of me stop me from being myself.

Cmf x

quirkywords · ‎20-09-2020

CMF

I need to learn that too.

i suppose it is a matter of trying and keep trying.

ifeel I am ok with myself then one comment by someone can affect me. Sometimes I take a reality check to see if they were being helpful but I overreacted. Maybe it was a mean comment but I can see maybe they were having a bad day .

it is a process . If you like let me know how you go not letting what others think of you stop you from being yourself. Maybe we can compare notes.

Has anyone got ideas that help them not letting what others think affect who they are?

quirkywords · ‎29-10-2020

This year 2020 has had many changes, how have the changes affected you personally. .?

so much has happened this year and I think I have become less trusting but still helpful.

Moonstruck · ‎29-10-2020

Hi Quirky...well you asked me...so here goes. The changes including Covid hysteria/restrictions plus the death of my partner have changed me in enormous ways...which it is far too early to explain or ever see for myself. I just know I am a "different person". I feel very much in transition mode..and know I will never, ever, be the same person I've always been...never! and that is scary. I don't find it exciting, or "on the brink" of something new...I find it terrifying.

as you know I always liked 'the old me" and have no idea what person will emerge at the end of this tunnel of extreme change and loss.......walking in the dark...whereas I liked to think I always (or tried to at least) walk in the light!