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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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Dorey Started Drinking Again
  • replies: 2

I’m trying to find triggers that has made me drive to the bottle shop and get a carton of beer. i haven’t drank in ages but today I wanted too and it’s not because I want one, am on my own working away from my family but it’s been ok until tonight. i... View more

I’m trying to find triggers that has made me drive to the bottle shop and get a carton of beer. i haven’t drank in ages but today I wanted too and it’s not because I want one, am on my own working away from my family but it’s been ok until tonight. ive drank six bottles in one hour and have work tomorrow it’s like my mind is just doing it without me wanting too. im taking anti depressants and have been for nearly a year now. i keep fit and have been running also just don’t know what has made me decide to start drinking again tonight.

james1 Being accused of being impatient
  • replies: 9

Hello everyone, I am really keen to hear everybody's thoughts on this one because patience and impatience are words we often use to describe one another. I am often told that I am impatient. In regular life, this could be to do with having to wait fo... View more

Hello everyone, I am really keen to hear everybody's thoughts on this one because patience and impatience are words we often use to describe one another. I am often told that I am impatient. In regular life, this could be to do with having to wait for a bus or wanting to get a new motorbike. To do with mental health, it could be to do with waiting for medication to settle, for therapy to work or for those moments of anxiety where I feel like I -cannot- wait, or even after a relationship break up. Usually when I am told I am being impatient, I dismiss the person as not understanding my situation. Sometimes I get angry and even less patient. So the question is: what is patience anyway? Is it even a character trait that can be judged (like kindness)? I think my levels of patience are so dependent on things like mood, my mental health or just circumstance. We would not describe a mother-to-be in labour as "impatient", so why should we use the same word for someone in emotional pain or some other distress? Yet, sometimes time and waiting is needed. Usually frantic action will do nothing for a broken heart or even for anxiety. We use delaying tactics mostly, and we rely on friends and family to listen to us in a non-judgmental way. Perhaps you may not have a response to the above, but I am still interested to hear from you! Have you been accused of being impatient? How did it make you feel? James

white knight THE BALANCE OF YOUR LIFE
  • replies: 14

Balancing is done every day. We do it continuously. We assess situations. We prioritise. We organise. So what about our lives as a whole? Are we balancing life well as humans in the western world? No, I don’t believe we are. I’m not religious in any ... View more

Balancing is done every day. We do it continuously. We assess situations. We prioritise. We organise. So what about our lives as a whole? Are we balancing life well as humans in the western world? No, I don’t believe we are. I’m not religious in any way so that makes me an atheist. However I’m open minded especially with spirituality. I believe the one thing that stands out with any religion is depth of mind (beliefs) that allows for short term periods of separation from day to day life to a place of peace be it mind or church, alone or in a crowd. Does this assist with balance of your mental health? I think so. What if you are not religious? Well there are many ways you can experience this inner peace of a calm spirit. I wont list them but meditation, love from others, yoga, etc and you can find your own safe place where you can do this. Having commenced a journey to my inner peace some 26 years ago with my own following of a man named Maharaji (Prem Rawat), I have his Youtube videos I watch every month or so. Along with my means of helping his suggestions, I walk slowly on a golf course over my back fence, to enter my heart through the door I only have a key for. I feel so sorry for those people that don’t have their own safe place. We can get caught up in daily activities. You know the routine, wake, shower, breakky, get kids off to school, meet other parents, drive, fill up the car with fuel, check the tyres, shopping, pay bills, and the day goes by with zero “me time”. STOP!!!!! No day should go by without 20 minutes minimum “me time”. Time to open that inner door. For example- Star gazing, walking through a park, meditating, self soothing, muscle tensioning exercises (all cost nothing )…..being in a mental place whereby you are at peace. We balance everything in our lives except our spirit. And when you introduce your free time it will one day pay off. Tears of happiness will flow. You’ll be as one with nature. You’ll know you are in a special place where only you can go. And that experience will balance your life to enable you to return to the routines of daily life. Mental illness in the western world is at epidemic proportions. Something has gone wrong with our way of life. Perhaps something fundamental is missing? Take a step back and assess your life, whether your mind would benefit from real peace. To start try this. Tonight go out to your backyard. Lie on your back. Watch the stars. Allow your life to get some balance.

Kazza78 Best advice given about anxiety or depression?
  • replies: 7

Based on everyones different experiences, what is the best advice you have been in regards to anxiety or depression? Thanks in advance

Based on everyones different experiences, what is the best advice you have been in regards to anxiety or depression? Thanks in advance

james1 Feeling worse/relapse without any trigger
  • replies: 5

Hello everyone, I read somewhere once that "relapse" was not a good word because it suggests failure of some sort to keep up a healthy routine. I think that's true, but I can't think of a better word so i'll just use it anyway. Mental health improvem... View more

Hello everyone, I read somewhere once that "relapse" was not a good word because it suggests failure of some sort to keep up a healthy routine. I think that's true, but I can't think of a better word so i'll just use it anyway. Mental health improvement is not a straight path as many of us have experienced. It's full of ups and downs. Often, we are triggered by things which bring us back down. Sometimes, we just feel worse without there being a trigger. It's really important to see these things as part of the overall process of improvement, but it can be very easy to get down on ourselves and see it as a step back. Do you have any examples to share where you have just felt abnormally worse even without a trigger? Do you have any strategies to avoid or mitigate the effect of these? I often just overall feel mentally tired and don't want to keep up good habits. These thoughts worry me because then I start to think that I'm just faking it and that bad habits are my norm. A lot of self-doubt typically creeps in. I do not have any high-tech strategies - I just try to distract until the thoughts go away, but sometimes I wonder whether I am just delaying the inevitable. James

Steven1 I know exercise is good for me and I want to get started but I just can't...
  • replies: 26

Hi everyone, I am new to the forums and need some help getting started with exercise. I currently do NOTHING physical and my job is also sedentary. I really want to exercise for my health and for my depression. There are a few things holding me back ... View more

Hi everyone, I am new to the forums and need some help getting started with exercise. I currently do NOTHING physical and my job is also sedentary. I really want to exercise for my health and for my depression. There are a few things holding me back but the one I am really struggling with is being self conscious and worrying people will laugh at me. I have a FREE GYM at work but have only used it once in over 3 years due to being self conscious. I am very thin (people make comments about my weight a lot) and I am worried that if people at work see me in gym clothes they are going to laugh at my skinny legs, lack of muscle and question why am I there. I also know nothing about weights or fitness and don't know how to use gym equipment. I work in a male dominated, fairly macho environment so there isn't a lot of support or help with getting started! Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated

Eternal_Happiness Unrealistic Job Requirements
  • replies: 5

I am sure I am not the only one that has noticed this but employers setting unrealistic requirements for jobs these days and intentionally cutting out competition by doing so. They also don't pay very much either for the amount of qualification they ... View more

I am sure I am not the only one that has noticed this but employers setting unrealistic requirements for jobs these days and intentionally cutting out competition by doing so. They also don't pay very much either for the amount of qualification they require. It seems that there is a culture now to demotivate everyone and force everyone to stay within their bubble. They have requirements for software you have never heard of because they use proprietary software but also require you to have 5-10 years of experience for an entry role. How stupid is this? Most of these employers won't provide a pay rise either. I like I stay truthful and honest when I apply, but I don't meet certain requirements for a job. Unfortunately, even if I finish my degree, I am not sure if such a qualification will be relevant in 5 years when artificial Intelligence enters our shores. Even when I look into blockchain, they require you to have experience as far back as 2008 when it first started. Anyone have any pointers on anyone that wants a career change? I don't want to continue doing accounting crap because the field will vanish in 10 years.

white knight "Water off a ducks back"
  • replies: 35

So easy to say for some. Some people that say that to us chronic worriers just dont know what its like to not possess the capability to shrug things off when the need arises. I found a similar challenge after 11 years of emotional abuse at the hands ... View more

So easy to say for some. Some people that say that to us chronic worriers just dont know what its like to not possess the capability to shrug things off when the need arises. I found a similar challenge after 11 years of emotional abuse at the hands of my first wife. Once seperated I spent 5 minutes daily in front of a mirror "you are a good person, you deserve a good life with a loving partner" etc. It worked. Confidence can grow and progress made from teaching ourselves what others might teach us. As a 40yo I had a small list of personal challenges one of which was to accept that somethings in life arent curable so why beat myself up about things I cant change? I began the journey of accomplishing "water off a ducks back" and it wasnt easy. As usual to rid my mind of topics, conversations that tormented my mind I'd have to distract myself. Distraction not only focusses your mind on other things, it dispenses time and time heals. Also telling myself over and over "I cant change that, I cant control that, I am not responsible for that"... A good example of the success of this challenging area of life that eluded me has been my youngest daughter now 24yo. She has returned to my life several times and on each occasion treated me poorly. The above techniques have worked. Aging helps too, it becomes easier. I accepted with my daughter that her toxicity was inherited from her mother and there is a limit to my ability to change that. I'm not responsible for everything. I went through a period that I'd wanted to reject her if she came knocking. Then I realised if I made her welcome, talked but remained firm with my views, after she left my home the act of "water off a ducks back" would be easier. The guilt non existant, in myself satisfied I've given her a chance...I've continued to be a father. This is regardless of what the outcome will be. Punishing yourself is imprisoning yourself over issues that harm you ten fold more than the initial event. To teach yourself to let go of topics of torment you need to lay a foundation of thoughts, mental discipline that were missed in your younger years for whatever reason. Compensating for that capability is not being able to just develop the ability "normal" people have to shrug problems off. We need to use other means at our disposal to achieve a level of peace. Distraction, repetition of lessons learned, reminders of what is beyond your control and maintaining a compassion so guilt doesnt fester. Tony WK

Quercus Blogging as therapy?
  • replies: 22

Hi everyone, First off I have to mention sharing addresses for blogs I don't think os permitted (forums being anonymous after all). But blogging is a topic I wanted to talk about. This week I tried an experiment. I feel very isolated offline lately a... View more

Hi everyone, First off I have to mention sharing addresses for blogs I don't think os permitted (forums being anonymous after all). But blogging is a topic I wanted to talk about. This week I tried an experiment. I feel very isolated offline lately and not very well. BB has it's limitations being anonymous so although I enjoy writing to new members it wasn't 'enough' when I couldn't sleep and felt like crying again. Part of me wanted more of a connection. So I paid for a year with a blogging company (no idea what the right term is). $60. And have my very own blog which (even if I do yell at the screen occasionally) hadn't been as hard as I expected. I haven't told anyone. I don't use social media. Felt like a complete idiot actually. But part of what I miss here is visual. I took photos of my garden to go with my words. It felt good to record it for myself even if noone else knew. Then something weird happened. Strangers read and replied. So I read and followed their blogs. One was a young man. A suicide survivor who writes the most beautiful poetry. Another a gardener too. A third a transgender man. I began to see there are so many stories out there. Public. With photos too. So brave. I like my anonymity for now. I started thinking about how on these forums after members have been here a while some conflicts form because people feel restricted by the rules. The rules are here to help us to be safe but I also wondered if when people become frustrated at the limitations here does that mean they are ready for more of a connection than what is achievable here? Long story short... Do any of you blog too? What do you like about it? Is it different to you than writing here? And most importantly... Does it help you manage your mental health and why? Nat

AndrewP83 Loneliness and shift work
  • replies: 5

I've had a long running battle with loneliness and when it gets bad it in turn triggers my anxiety and depression, its gotten worse with shift work as I tend to find my social life is null due to the hours I work making it difficult to engage social ... View more

I've had a long running battle with loneliness and when it gets bad it in turn triggers my anxiety and depression, its gotten worse with shift work as I tend to find my social life is null due to the hours I work making it difficult to engage social functions or outings, so I then in turn find myself constantly going out on my own and the whole loneliness factor kicks in as it feels like ground hog day every time I go out, does anyone have any tips on how to cope or work through this as its feeling like a right struggle as of late.