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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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Clea Alcohol
  • replies: 5

With everything going on in the world and home life I've started drinking a lot. Yesterday was a big wake up call where I drank to a point I couldn't remember anything this morning except that I injured myself physically. I know I need to quit but st... View more

With everything going on in the world and home life I've started drinking a lot. Yesterday was a big wake up call where I drank to a point I couldn't remember anything this morning except that I injured myself physically. I know I need to quit but struggling with emotions and anxiety, which the drinking helps lessen. I need help/tips on other ways to manage my emotions and give up alcohol. Thanks in advance

white knight Overweight? or over worried?
  • replies: 22

Anyone that has tried more than 15-20 diets and failed to meet their goal is full of despair and sadness. What has changed a lot in the last 15 years or so is our knowledge of genetics. DNA and the complexities are slowly being unravelled to expose t... View more

Anyone that has tried more than 15-20 diets and failed to meet their goal is full of despair and sadness. What has changed a lot in the last 15 years or so is our knowledge of genetics. DNA and the complexities are slowly being unravelled to expose the secret of why we are what we are. Everything about you will eventually be known. Including why we are overweight. Then there is the post birth reasons. Your food (both quantity and quality and how its prepared), environment, exercise etc all come into the mix that can add to over weight issues. We know that mental illness is often a life of extreme behaviour but it is also extreme with feelings, sensitivity, more need for comfort food and things like alcohol. Some people reach for a lolly when anxious....we'd reach for a packet or two. Can we blame mental illness for our appetite? Well, so many people out there would say no sadly, they'd say "just stop putting food in your mouth". Such is the same naivety with over eating as there is with mental illness itself. What I would like to promote, as a person that has always been over weight is a few observations using myself as an example- - I was clearly over weight at 18 months old. I have a photo - My mother was obese and my father had a beer belly (but didnt drink alcohol) - All members of my family (except my late brother who was diabetic 1) has tried many many diets and not succeeded. - The urgency of losing weight is clear. Failing knees, ankles and backs I'm 6ft tall. My weight peaked in 2012 at 135kgms, the maximum my scales measured. It was the ultimate insult. I felt obese, I puffed, I rolled out of bed, I was unhappy. So what could I do. My wife and I (yes she is overweight) embarked on the following plan. No we didnt call it a diet. - Eat healthier. Keep carbs down eg less white food like pasta, rice and flour - when we eat out (often Chinese) cut down one dish. - Eat more fish and white meat, less red meat. (this is also as I get gout) - sugarless chocolate - whole oats for brekky -home grown vegies is also therapeutic - Worry does nothing towards reaching your goal so stop it!. - a little exercise but only do what is sustainable. A quick 15 minute walk. I'm now 122 kgms down 13. And this has been going for 2 years and is indeed sustainable. We dont ignore our cravings but we limit them. Easily achievable goals is best. Accept you for being you and that includes your size. As long as you do your best to eat sensibly,exercise and stop worrying..

Spaghettimonster88 intro, addiction BPD
  • replies: 2

I'm an addict, I think at this point I'd take anything. Doesn't matter, the rush, I go a few months without and then spend a week using. It's time to start loving myself. I deserve to save myself !

I'm an addict, I think at this point I'd take anything. Doesn't matter, the rush, I go a few months without and then spend a week using. It's time to start loving myself. I deserve to save myself !

Maarten Bad day at work, for starters
  • replies: 2

For the last two months I’ve been working from home and despite the weekends off I’ve had one scheduled break day. Trying to maintain my work and schooling 3 kids at home I’m a wreak. Then today I got a written warning from my boss about an error I’d... View more

For the last two months I’ve been working from home and despite the weekends off I’ve had one scheduled break day. Trying to maintain my work and schooling 3 kids at home I’m a wreak. Then today I got a written warning from my boss about an error I’d caused. This had me in tears. Can anyone please offer advice on how I can cope?

TishaJade My life has turned upside down
  • replies: 6

I feel like I've had the best and also worst year and a half. I met the love of my life March 2019. Back then, I was confident, happy, bubbly, positive and everything was SO GOOD. I embraced having a step child and being a step mother, and to me, we ... View more

I feel like I've had the best and also worst year and a half. I met the love of my life March 2019. Back then, I was confident, happy, bubbly, positive and everything was SO GOOD. I embraced having a step child and being a step mother, and to me, we were all one big happy family. I quit my job as I was unhappy there, and I felt like it was going to be a whole new better chapter, I had the love of my life, the life I wanted, and i was going to pursue a new career that earned me decent money so we could save and buy a home together. I was suffering a bit with mental health when I quit my job, so i wanted to focus mainly on my mental health and get myself back a little bit before I dived into applying for jobs, when i decided to start i was getting nowhere, despite how hard i tried. My parter was supportive, but i felt my mental health get worse. My anxiety skyrocketed, and all of a sudden I was spiralling into a depression. I was always anxious, negative and I started to get jealous of his son, the fact he had a child with someone else, and started losing a lot of self confidence and self love. THEN i fell pregnant. My parter and i discussed what would we would do if this did happen... The reason i fell pregnant was because i thought birth control was affecting my moods, or making me depressed. I started ovulating twice in one month.. and BOOM. We both agreed on termination, but I was still sad... I medically aborted at home and my mum supported me. It was HARD. my parter was supportive and he told me we would have kids one day etc. Not long after this happened my mum broke the news that her and my dad would be moving interstate. It didnt hit me at first... But when my dad moved over first and my mum found someone to rent their home it hit me like a truck. My parents whom im so close with are leaving me... I have a brother who lives 3 hours away and works interstate constantly... I never see him. I don't have other family im awfully close to except my grandma but she is old and when I'm upset it worries and stresses her out and I don't want to do that to her. My mental health has gotten worse, my parter and i are always fighting, ive felt myself being resentful to my step child, and I find myself going downhill daily. Im so jealous... and emotional. My partner assures me he loves me, and i know he does.. But he has made it clear his mental health is being affected by mine. Now he's moving out and leaving me alone in my house.We both talked about this before. I mentioned it once when i was feeling really low that i miss who i used to be when we first started dating... I want to add that we have a GOOD relationship, we love eachother, plan to buy property and a home together. There is so much love. But my mental health is affecting my relationship... I feel scared and like he is going to leave me as he has tried to do before but I have begged him to stay and apologised for my actions... He said he loves me and definitely wants to be with me but i need to sort out my mental health and I agree. The past year i have been on and off birth control, been in an abusive work environment, got pregnant and terminated, my parents are moving away, i have struggled to get a job, I feel like a terrible person, my partner has wanted to leave me at times. I have seen counsellors on and off when they can fit me in. Never regularly enough to help. I feel like time apart from my partner by myself to get on my feet will help me, but im also scared as I have no one.

jax_in_my_heart Emotional eating - how do I stop?
  • replies: 8

I am hoping some people here might have some words of advice or point me in the direction of some resources I can access. I have recently realised I am an emotional eater. My default reaction to sadness, loneliness, boredom is always to reach for foo... View more

I am hoping some people here might have some words of advice or point me in the direction of some resources I can access. I have recently realised I am an emotional eater. My default reaction to sadness, loneliness, boredom is always to reach for food. I exercise a great deal, so I am not significantly overweight (could certainly stand to lose 5-10 kilos). The problem is, I have consistently been pretty much sad and lonely for the last 12 months, and don’t see it changing any time soon. It seems lately the only joy I get from life is eating; it’s instant positive gratification, and it’s all I seem to have on the happiness front. When socialising, I see my friends being able to eat just a few slices of pizza, whereas I am restraining myself from eating the whole box. I don’t know how they do it, the food just seems utterly unimportant to them, like they could take it or leave it, wouldn’t bother them. Whereas the whole time it is in front of me, I am thinking about it, even though I’m trying desperately not to. I don’t want to be like this, I barely have my weight under control, and I feel like I’m walking on a tightrope. I have tried to find books on emotional eating and how I can break this cycle, but I haven’t had much luck at all. Has anyone else here experienced this? How do you manage it? Is there a way to break free and be a ‘normal’ eater?

Volkerballoon Found some lovely guidelines exhibiting self-compassion while working from home
  • replies: 1

Hey all, I was browsing around, and stepped upon some employee-friendly guidelines from the Canadian government to their employees. I thought it was worth a share. ----- 1) You are not "working from home", you are "at your home, during crisis, trying... View more

Hey all, I was browsing around, and stepped upon some employee-friendly guidelines from the Canadian government to their employees. I thought it was worth a share. ----- 1) You are not "working from home", you are "at your home, during crisis, trying to work". 2) Your personal physical, mental, and emotional health is far more important than anything right now. 3) You should not try to compensate for lost productivity by working longer hours. 4) You will be kind to yourself and not judge how you are coping based on how you see others coping. 5) You will be kind to others and not judge how they are coping based on how you are coping. 6) Your team's success will not be measured the same way it was when things were normal. ------- Honestly, most of those pointers should be used outside of a pandemic as well. Thoughts? Kindly, Volk

JeffF1 Need a little advice
  • replies: 1

Hi All, Thanks for reading my post. I'm on medication for anxiety disorder very long. I'm male, over 40. I have following problems, 1) Big debts / personal loan & CC (It happen when i tried to learn new career. I broke my bank because of my mental st... View more

Hi All, Thanks for reading my post. I'm on medication for anxiety disorder very long. I'm male, over 40. I have following problems, 1) Big debts / personal loan & CC (It happen when i tried to learn new career. I broke my bank because of my mental states (emotional responses). 2) Career issue (i'm a migrant and no Australia education) + over 40 and long time break from my main work. i'm or wasn't in senior position too. Really difficult to get job *not because of recent COVID-19. I might need to change career. What sort of short course and career available in Australia? I'm considering to get security cert and job. Anything like that? security job - Care taker - not interest Child care - not interest I can think only above 3. Please add what you think i should try. I need something stable job & income to pay debts and then build for myself and kids. i'm currently working at a shop but too stress and can work only 3 days (casual). If i see crowds queuing at counter service desk i start feel anxious plus many things to handle at once. I want to get consultation. But if i go to career coach then he/she might not understand my anxiety & financial difficulties. Beside that I can't afford to pay $200-$300 per hour consultation fees. If i go to psychiatrist consular i won't get right direction either. (i tried once through online consultant.) My parents or sibling can't answer my above questions and problems. They only say i have to decide by myself. I'm not ok with my Dad. He won't give me help. I do need, financial consulting, career & mental. So who can give this kind of consultation? I don't know where to go or start. Kindly give me a right direction please. Thank you for understanding. PS. I do work as freelance for two kinds but either i don't get regular income. I dont know many people in here. I don't have many friends. I don't have budget to advertise my business. I do post free listing, social media but nothing works well. Sometime i get few jobs and income then disappear for few weeks. Not regular or developing the business. *again it is happen before COVID-19. I want to get something stable & decent income that I can manage to pay back my debts, have better hope and build for myself and family. I'm not expecting unrealistic hopes. I just want to get on track. I'm out of track at the moment, depress, isolate and poor performance at work. Thanks again.

Volkerballoon I noticed that during iso, my shopping trip was the most exciting part of the week
  • replies: 9

So while having my weekly walk to Aldi, I noticed something very unusual for a shopping trip: I was feeling somewhat excited to just walk to my destination and looking at the scenery. Initially in my pessimistic habit I was berating myself on how sad... View more

So while having my weekly walk to Aldi, I noticed something very unusual for a shopping trip: I was feeling somewhat excited to just walk to my destination and looking at the scenery. Initially in my pessimistic habit I was berating myself on how sad things were: walking to the shops is the highlight of your week? Sad! However, I think there were some cool aspects to this. When the world slows down and there's less opportunities for socialising and entertainment, the mind seems to sort of adapt and feel excited in the little things that are available - in my case, a simple walk to the shops. Maybe even a bit empowering in knowing that outside entertainment is not a necessity and slowing down with everything can work out? Just my Sunday night musings.

white knight Toxic people- who are they?
  • replies: 3

So maybe you’ve been diagnosed with a mental disorder and have commenced medication and therapy. There is a case for self help as well- a tree/sea change, career change, move away from food handling or shift work and worked on your relaxation and sle... View more

So maybe you’ve been diagnosed with a mental disorder and have commenced medication and therapy. There is a case for self help as well- a tree/sea change, career change, move away from food handling or shift work and worked on your relaxation and sleep. What about the people in your life? What is classified as a toxic person? It is very subjective, ask a thousand people all will have a different description. But there is some common trends- Someone that emotional intends to hurt you that is disloyal is ambitious at work to the disadvantage of work colleagues is not empathetic hurts your friends in a manner that you feel at risk also manipulates is narcissistic uses you as an information source only has ulterior motives is money driven eg inheritance forces their views onto you eg religion You get the idea. What is most important here is what YOUR tolerance level is, not what other people believe what yours should be. If you adopt your friends moral compass then you’ve dropped yours. This is different to a friend discussing a matter and expressing what they would do in your situation to a friend telling you that you are foolish for taking your own direction. Toxic people is those that effect you adversely more often than they make you happy. You might have a gut instinct on a person integrity based on your observations of their treatment of other people eg helping a fellow worker get sacked rather than assisting to remedy their battles with management as a supporter. The only trap with judging someone toxic is when you judge them too harshly. Often you might not know all the facts. So be cautious. Many young adults don’t realise when a friend isn’t a positive influence- be ready to act if need be. The weeding out of toxic people from your life can make your friendships less in number but higher in quality. Google beyondblue topic the labyrinth of friendships beyondblue fortress of survival (also part 2) beyondblue topic depression and toxic people Finally remember- you might well be toxic from another’s viewpoint and that’s ok. TonyWK