Am I being overly sensitive

[Talon]

Hi there,

I’ve been pining over a comment my 17 year old son said to me the other day. I was with he and my 19 year old son, discussing something to do with his plans for end of school celebrations. There was more to it, but again related to ‘friends’ broadly speaking. I don’t think I had much to say as my sons were at each other. But for whatever reason my 17 year old said to me words similar to ‘you don’t have any friends’. I reacted by saying I don’t have many friends, but the ones I do have are important to me. Deep down it struck a huge nerve for me. I started to think, gee you really don’t have many people at all you could call friends. I felt an immense sense of emptiness and quite low. I suffer from depression and take meds daily for it. I basically shut down and haven’t been the same with either of my boys since. Sure they have many mates and are always going out, doing things and well liked. I do think I rely heavily on them as mates and we do a lot together. I don’t see it as problem, but does anyone out there relate to my reaction? I’ve given my kids everything I can, not just things, but experiences, laughter and lots of interaction. I pride myself on this but realise that one day they’ll be less likely to want to go somewhere with me (holidays etc) I don’t have many friends at all and generally avoid getting too close to anyone. I know I’m well liked and am asked to do things by people but feel as if I ruin the ‘mood’ amongst groups and therefore don’t get out much at all. I wouldn’t have a friend who would want to do the things I enjoy anyway. My boys would, but they know I haven’t got anyone else to do things I like, so will say yes because it’s free and I will always show them a good time. I think I’m being overly sensitive but still have not come around from my initial feelings towards my son when he said this. I feel weak and worthless to be honest. In a teens lingo, a ‘loser’

[smallwolf]

Hi,

Welcome to beyond blue.

A few thoughts crossed my mind when I read your story...

Is your son in that time where they know best and you don't. They are right and you are wrong.

Does the son understand the sacrifices you made for him to get to the point.

When I was a teen a teacher said these are the best years of your life. No debts no responsibilities?

What is a friend? A Facebook friend or a real friend?

And then you also mentioned depression and anxiety... A statement that might be brushed off, or in different circumstances would not have been said.

Firstly the words can, will and do hurt.

And you might not think of people who are friends, not so. I know that I did and do.

Cannot really go back to our younger self, but I guess the question is... What do you want to do about this situation?

Tim

[quirkywords]

Welcome Talon to the forum and thanks for sharing your thoughtful post which many parents may relate to.

Tim has written a helpful and supportive reply.

I have a son much older than yours that says things at times that he sees as helping me but I may see as upsetting.

I think your son may have said that without really thinking much about it and how it would affect you so much. I know my son said things he thinks are funny or to see if he gets a reaction from me.

I can see how it would upset you as it is something you are concerned about.

I am sure your sons know and appreciate how much you have done for them.

You are aware you may be oversensitive. I wonder would you say something to your son.?

When I feel I may be sensitive I ask my son to get a clearer idea of what he meant . He explained it was meant to help me and another it was just a throw away line.

As parents, we are sensitive to what our children say but I feel sure your son would not want you to feel weak.

I can tell that you have a strong and close relationship with your boys.

How do you feel about talking to your son about how you feel?

Quirky