Action not only words

[white knight]

Its fair to say many of us are confused souls, seemingly talking and asking endless questions about things that dont come naturally to us. Thats good for we try to fill the void, we strive to gain what came naturally for many other people.

However, we can study others riding bicycles, read up on balancing, get a teacher to show us the controls. ..but we wont progress without...getting on that bike!

At the height of my anxiety late 1980's my therapist asked me to carry out various tasks between appointments. Relaxation, muscle tensioning exercises, bush walks, extinguishing unrealistic thoughts. After several sessions he questioned why I hadnt acted on those tasks for he knew I hadnt, such was my lack of progress. "If you dont act you dont get...you remain anxious"

Indeed he was correct and those tasks were done for many years until recovery after being challenged.

So why didnt I do those tasks?. I think the closest excuse is it was easier to take meds and "hope for the best" than introduce daily rituals that have effect only in the long term. Long term training isnt appealing for an anxious impatient person.

We, the mentally unwell quibble about normal people not understanding us, about their lack of effort yet we shy away from physical effort that could cure us or at least help us. Only as individuals can we implant effort to, in practical ways, put that theory into practice.

But if you are like me you'll end up with lots of theories and a limit on how much you can effectively implement those theories into practice. The key as I've found out over time is to expect little advance and be happy with whatever steps you achieve.

Then armed with the right attitude we wont only get on that bike...we'll keep getting on it every time we fall off. As long as we dont give up. One day we'll ride down the road towards normality at least in that direction.

Put theory into practice. Expect slow progress. Dont expect too much of yourself and dont forget to laugh when you fall off your bike.

Tony WK

[white knight]

My mother is a dweller, someone that goes over and over on topics. I guess I inherited that from her as a level of confusion but more not being able to put topics to bed.

Then about 15 years ago during a relationship counseling appointment with my ex GF, my ex mentioned this "dwelling issue". The counselor said "so when are you going to throw those rocks in the river"?

It was a statement that hit home. Everytime I realised I couldnt let go of a topic I'd imagine loading a sack with that subject inside it and imagine me throwing it in a river.

It is a process of action on a mental fixation.

Tony WK

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks for your encouraging reply. One of the things to think about when things go wrong is why. Then you can try to adapt. Your poor sleep in the caravan is an example. Someone else might say it didn't work. I got really unwell so I'll stop travelling. Instead you realised the size of the bed is a problem so you will fix it & then travel again. This is a good strategy for all of us to use when things go wrong rather than giving up.

The other thing is timing or the situation alter what is the best thing to do. For example recently my psych recommended I try doing something a different way. The idea was a good one designed to help build my confidence & self esteem & take my mind off negative thoughts. Unfortunately I felt it was the wrong time to try it. I explained my reason & my psych agreed saying don't even think of doing what he had suggested until my situation changes because otherwise I risk putting extra stress & very likely failure due to the current demands on me. Hopefully in the future I will be in the position to try his suggestion and reap some longer term benefits. Similarly the muscle relaxation you mentioned is a useful technique but if I am too stressed or anxious it makes me worse. I tried it over the last few weeks but have had to stop because it made me feel more of a failure because it didn't work. It doesn't mean the technique is bad just the time for me is wrong. I will go back to it in a couple of weeks and try again.