Accepting your mental illness

[white knight]

It is the most important and necessary step on our journey for the rest of our lives. To accept our condition. It involves nobody else this procedure. Sure our family and friends are effected one way or the other in being tolerant but this road we pave of acceptance is mostly done alone.

You can take our hands as you begin your trek. We can plant the seeds, point you in the direction you should head and let you go. “We” being anyone that has empathy really and professional health carers.

Essentially, the process of acceptance is a frame of mind. It is no different to other challenges of a physical nature except being an illness others cant see it is less accepted plus there is much more stigma that lurks in the minds of the unknown.

So if you have a view, a rare view, of placing mental illness in the same basket as a physical illness it is easier to accept. Some basic rules though can be taken on board to help you along

• Regular contact with your GP is crucial. Even if you aren’t feeling 100% it is no longer a case of wait and see. Go, go to your GP.

• Defend yourself and distance yourself from the naïve and opinionated “expert” that will cause you to crash in an instant. You don’t need negativity to drag you down.

• Join other peer groups like this one whereby like minds get together to build your mental strength.

• Concentrate on what you can, not what you cannot do. This is all to do with positive thinking. Positive thinking in its best form is one whereby you also remain realistic.

• Mindset is important. You are not abnormal as there is no normal. You are YOU and they are themselves. For every person receiving medical attention for a mental illness there are likely 8 out their not getting it but truly have it. Feel self-appreciative that you are doing something about it

• Some illnesses effect us and our loved ones daily. This is a fact of our lives. Only after many conflicts do we realise our dosage is out of whack. This is the steep drawn out learning curve of mental illness.

• Accept that others we walk past in the street have restrictions. Like – some bound by wheelchairs or crutches/canes, some cant talk our language, homeless people, learning difficulties even financial incompetence and the list goes on. Depression and other related illnesses are no different apart from needing some well targeted professional help.

Once accepted we can fine tune our lives better. We can move on, face other challenges like stability. Then its easier for others.

Tony WK

[quirkywords]

Tony,

Thanks for your great thread.

Having lived with a diagnosis for over 40 years I have had a long time to deal with the issues you mentioned. I would do most of what you have suggested but to be honest I am not sure I will ever accept my illness. To me acceptance means being complacent, putting up with it whereas I challenge and argue with it daily and push the boundaries.

I know acceptance means different thing to different people.

Well done for starting th conversation. It is important for the people newly diagnosed and old ones like me to have this discussion.

Quirky

[Elizabeth CP]

I agree with Tony. I'll use an analogy. Several years ago my husband became blind. At first he was really angry & expected the Eye & Ear Hospital to fix him. Once he found out it was permanent came the process of accepting it. Fortunately my husband had good health professionals & combined with my support & equipment has learnt to manage his condition including bushwalking & travelling on public transport. My husband is determined to do as much as possible rather than be restricted by his blindness. On the other hand I know other people who have been blind for many years & are totally dependent on others because they gave in to the condition.

This is the same for any long term condition including MI. Hoping it will go away or getting angry & expecting someone to fix us is useless. Using the MI or other condition as an excuse to give up isn't helpful. Accepting the condition & then taking any opportunities to learn to deal with the condition as effectively as possible & learning by experience what helps you live the life you want with your condition maximises the chance of a decent life.

[blondguy]

Hi Tony

You have created another terrific thread topic here

When the GP's were struggling with my chronic anxiety back in 1983 I had no choice but to find an expert who was Dr Claire Weekes, a psychiatrist who suffered from decades of anxiety and depression.

Her book is dated with the title 'Self Help for Your Nerves' but its still selling globally.

You have said exactly what Dr Weekes mentioned about 'Calm and True Acceptance' of our mental illness will help us find some peace in our lives.

By 'fighting or battling' our mental illness we only exacerbate our symptoms.

Acceptance of our illness does bring peace along with your accurate bullet points as a holistic approach. I know it takes a lot of practice and patience but the end results are a bonus

Thankyou Tony for the great post. Paul

[white knight]

Thankyou for your replies.

I have to admit, I truly accept things as being my first crucial step because I'm impatient...I wanted to get to the point I am at now.

I'll look for extracts of that book Paul 🙂

Tony WK

[CMF]

Hi all,

I'm tired but this thread caught my attention so just a quick reply. I find acceptance has helped me with many things. I accept my anxiety so when I'm going through an anxious cycle I go beast on myself. I allow myself to feel the way I do and remind myself that my mind is working overtime and I am capable of feeling better. I also accept the mnew stakes I've made in life and try not to question why. I tell myself 'it is what it is' . I can't change it, so accept it and find wYs to deal with it. I'm trying to be more accepting of others too. Again, I can't change the wAy they are but I can learn wYs to deal with them or try not to have too much contact. We all have faults, we can't change people. Acceptance of different things helps with my anxiety. As the say 'acceptance is the key'.

cmf x

[butterfly_123]

acceptance has been a long journey for me. i accept i have an illness and that it impacts my life. i try to do the best with what i have but trying to be normal tires me mentally. its invisible illness and i feel like people just dont see how much energy i use to try and be sane. i dont judge people with mental illness and am amazed at what people do with it as that is what true character shines out. we are brave ! keep staying healthy.

[HappySheep]

Responding to this thread several years later because I was searching the forum for 'mental illness not real'. Intellectually I know it's real but I'm really struggling with beating myself up for not being able to pull myself together.

Looking back, I've struggled with Depression and Anxiety since I was a teenager but didn't seek medical help until I was in my mid 30s. 

Everything has been manageable for the last decade or so (up and down - meds and psychology) but I've had a complete meltdown and been on sick leave from my job for weeks. The guilt and shame I'm feeling are killing me. On the positive side, this is the first time I've had a crisis and managed to take leave instead of quitting and running away - the negative is that this feels way more public and I feel that everyone knows and everyone is judging me.

I was coming out the other side from the worst of it (doubled my meds) but had a bad day yesterday and I can see the disappointment in my wife's face...

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Happy Sheep,

It is a real struggle isn’t it, the ups and downs. But it does sound like meaningful progress that you have taken leave. I do understand about the feelings of shame when others know about your struggles as I’m currently wrestling with it myself. I’m applying for the disability support pension after running out of all other options. I can’t help feeling judged by others, even though their judgments may not be what I think they are. I’ve experienced much bullying in the past, including when growing up, so the first place I go within myself is to assume others will think less of me and give me a hard time. I have chronically masked my whole life, putting forward that I’m really more ok than I am much of the time, but I think it’s actually healthy the mask is finally coming down.

I think what Tony says in his original post here is true, that acceptance starts with us. If we can accept our struggles with kindness towards ourselves it actually means things go better for us (e.g. we don’t burn out from pushing too hard) and it makes it easier for others who learn to understand our limitations. It is absolutely ok to have mental health struggles and to fall in a hole from time to time. I imagine your wife just cares so much and feels for you when you are struggling again. I guess try not to take that on as another burden to be worried over, but realise the love and care behind it and then see if you can feel nurturance towards yourself.

Today I had a really nice walk this morning, got a few things done once home and cooked up lunch with leftovers for a couple more meals, so I felt productive. But due to ongoing health issues, especially in relation to a liver disease I have, I just went down after lunch feeling so ill for the rest of the afternoon. I really struggle to accept I can’t do all I want to do and had a cry after feeling positive this morning. But that is my reality. So I just hang onto the small things I enjoy, even if it’s just being able to see the trees in my garden through the window while lying on the couch, and knowing that things keep moving in flux as they have so many times before. I will improve and start to feel better again. I am finding I can’t worry too much about the future and the more I can accept limitations the kinder I am to myself and it actually makes it easier. I’m learning that healing becomes more possible when we let go of being hard on ourselves. Healing may not always mean the complete eradication of a mental or physical health issue. It may be more becoming peaceful with it which can only be good for our wellbeing.

But I know it isn’t easy. I have anxiety too as do so many others here on the forum. It’s like we are all struggling away. So it’s a good thing for you to come here if you have a bad day as there will be others who understand.

Go gently and take care Happy Sheep,

ER