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A Quick Self Confidence/Esteem Check

blondguy
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Everyone and especially new posters or anyone reading the Beyond Blue Forums too!

This may seem unimportant to many but there is a reason for this thread. I have had depression and anxiety for many years and I found this self esteem/confidence check invaluable when I was researching why I was so nervous and panicky....before I was diagnosed and during...

How do you respond to a compliment? If someone says well done! or good on you! Or compliments you for qualities you have....Do You...

  1. Pass the compliment off and say....oh no...'I'm not really that good.. etc etc'
  2. Ignore the compliment and struggle for words...
  3. Reflect the compliment away and 'handball' a compliment back...
  4. Or say 'thankyou'

A few years ago I had a really hard time with dealing with compliments. This thread is not a 'test' in anyway....It is just a 'self check' that may help some people find a little peace and self awareness where low self confidence/esteem/worth is an issue

The answer is number 4....What number would you have chosen? Your true/heartfelt thoughts on this would be a great help on how you respond to a compliment

Thankyou for taking the time to read my post

Kind Thoughts

Paul

73 Replies 73

Starwolf, thanks for the compliment you posted above about my thoughts and how they connect.xx

I was given a compliment by a girl that was walking her 'nutty' Dalmatians when I was walking Prince a few weeks ago...she said..."Hi Paul..you look great" Besides being the closest encounter with the opposite sex this year (lol) I said " thankyou" with a big grin.

Compliments and the words Thank You can be very powerful for some people.

My husband is a person who seems to relish being recognised and thanked for the things he does for me. Compliments go a long way with him, it really seems to boost his morale and sense of self.

I try to thank him when ever he does something for me and it puts a smile on his face. It also makes him more keen to do something else for me.

He actually becomes quite upset if I am preoccupied and forget to thank him. It is like he needs a reward and a thank you for all he has done. That is okay with me. If it helps him to feel better about himself and maybe even our relationship, then I am all in for thanking him.

If I am not always 100 per cent thankful in my heart but act like I am, does that really matter?

Like when he tries really hard to fix something and it ends up looking worse than it was in the first place, it doesn't hurt me to say thank you. I appreciate that he tried in the first place. Depending on the issue, I will try to be diplomatic and express what I had been hoping for, other times it is best to just say thank you!

Cheers all from Mrs. Dools

Hi Mrs Dools, Great reply..you mentioned "If I am not always 100 per cent thankful in my heart but act like I am, does that really matter?" Not all...it just means you have a wonderful heart.

By saying thanks or well done or thankyou you are actually thanking him for the effort he has made...not just the end result. You are a gem for 'acknowledging' his efforts through thanking him.Nice1 Mrs Dools Paulx

Hi Paul and All,

Today one of my new clients thanked me for cleaning her home. When I have the time I clean something extra like her cupboards and door frames.

She told me I was doing a wonderful job and she was very happy. That made me feel so good that my effort is making her feel better about her own home. Due to her health she is unable to do so much herself.

I thanked her for the compliment. She then asked me to stay a bit longer for a coffee and a chat. By the time I left, my spirits had been lifted.

Accept those compliments, even if you are being thanked for something you should be doing anyway.

Cheers. Mrs. Dools

Hi Mrs Dools for a really positive view on the topic:-) and if I can quote you "Accept those compliments, even if you are being thanked for something you should be doing anyway" I have been trying to find those words of yours since I started this thread. Kindly yours. Paul

I think expectation erodes appreciation. Even when someone is doing their job, or what may be perceived as their duty in a given relationship (i.e. the things one might typically do as a parent or partner, or friend), it is important to see someone's effort and acknowledge it. If someone feels appreciated, they are happier, and as a side benefit, more likely to do the things you like them doing.

While he was busy the other day, I did my other half's dishes and he didn't know. When he said he had to do them I said nothing, and he went out to find them done. I told him a fairy did it. 🙂 He laughed, and gave me a big hug and thanked me for doing them, even though I quite often do it and some people would come to expect it after a while. For his lack of expectation and his humble appreciation, I adore him and am more than willing to keep doing little things like that for him. Likewise I thanked him and told him how much I appreciate him for making pancakes today (he's a really good cook). He's as humble with accepting compliments as he is with accepting help, but I could see that glimmer of happiness in his eyes at knowing his effort is seen and wanted and not simply expected.

Compliments and thanks take that sense of expectation out of the things we do, and buoy us a bit, make us more willing to do them because they show it's understood we are making an effort. For my part, I always want the people in my life to know they're not looked upon as my slaves to just do their duty and that's that. The things they do for me take time or energy or money they could be spending on something they want to be doing for themselves, but they have considered me, and that means something.

Bluguru, thanks for extending you never ending sense of wisdom (yes I am serious!) You do have an innate sense of clarity ...you mentioned " but I could see that glimmer of happiness in his eyes at knowing his effort is seen and wanted and not simply expected."

We dont need the NBN connected to hear your voice Bluguru and thankyu. Paul

You made me smile, Paul. Thanks, I'm definitely feeling appreciated. 🙂

I am rapt you are here...Ciao 🙂

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi Paul you have started a fabulous tread but more so it's lovely that all of us can find a true friendship from all of us who post, that makes us feel welcome as well as being recognised and understood by what we have to say. Geoff. x