What should I do with homophobic parents
Hi I'm 4eyesgirl and I'm new
late last year my friends help me find my sexually and I'm Bi but I have Christian parents and If you know that there. Not supportive what should I do they don't know at the moment and the moment they find out I'm doomed. What should I do?
Thankyou for writing in. Welcome
Congratulation for finding yourself, that's a start of an amazing journey of love and wonder as you proceed.
I'm 67yo, atheist and very experienced in the days around 1970-1985 when a young man that was basically growing up in a far different world to what you are now. I was in the defence force from 17-20yo then worked in a jail as a warder till 24yo. These locations and the environment was swamped with homophobic attitudes. In one way as a male, it was drum beating on the chest and in another it was basically saying to your male friends "I'm not gay" etc. So acceptance for gay/bi/trans etc people was almost non existent. That is why those people, to find companionship congregated in certain areas and socialised less with the general population. Thank goodness that has changed.
So, on your parents I'd like you to just keep all that in mind because as we get older we get set in our ways and many dont adapt to such freedom of choice. I have a gay friend that has a partner and they dont want kids and his parents are appalled only because they feel left out not being grandparents which is so self serving really and thats what we are all facing as a community, a cocktail of emotions and even selfishness along with pride and "what will the neighbours think.
Who knows when you reach elderly age if your kids have developed a new age interest that doesnt fit in with your values now? Hence as humans and family we should give our relationships the best chance to remain intact.
So your preferred goal is to make the relationship survive. To do that I recommend-
- moving out at the first opportunity if still living at home
- without hiding your sexuality/partner try to limit "in their face" topics that will cause conflict. EG I wouldnt refrain from general topics like the gay mardi gra but I'd think twice about kissing your partner in front of them. This is seeking harmony and respecting their rights to their views.
- Give them time especially any partner you get. They might well embrace your partner eventually and love them while keeping their philosophies intact. This is the aim.
- Respect their ideas and if intolerable just cut the conversation "love you mum" and walk away.