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Non binary identity questioning my sexuality
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Hi all. My name is Joy. I am new to the forums and I'd like to share/vent and ask a few questions.
I'm in my late 30s and I came out as non binary to my friends last year and received love, care, affection and attention.
I started dressing differently and acted more like myself.
I came out a second time to my parents which was awkward to say the least. It was on a drive back from NSW to QLD and sadly after a funeral. It was open partly on my behalf and it seemed well...
I took up the non binary baton as it were and started using pronouns she/her/theirs and asked to be called Joy. My parents hated this part.
They refuse to call me Joy and get a bit embarrassed seeing me in "women's" clothes. I chose to ignore this but around Xmas time last year my mum said "you can come round just don't step on anyone's toes"
I caved in and wore more manly clothes and felt watched, I couldn't be myself.
Has anyone ever felt like they've had to hide who they truly are just to survive society and parents? I don't really pass at all (which I hate) I've had a wonderful time using make up and dressing how I want to but it still feels like I'm living out of fear.
My trans hero is Anohni, Non Binary hero Genesis P-Orridge. I am who I am I grew up admiring queer celebrities and I love Tegan and Sara, too.
I have had one sexual encounter in my life and it was traumatic. I want to take my time with sex, which is why I'm leaning towards demisexual. I had strong sexual feelings for my best friend but was never reciprocated. I don't want to feel like I have to go to nightclubs or hook up. I want a relationship, I long to be loved for all I am and to have a friend for life, call me old fashioned I don't give a $&#@
Are there any online forums or such where I can slowly get to know the wider LGBTQIA+ community? I am shy and instantly feel rejection in new situations. I love music first and foremost, cinema and art, and books. I am finding it increasingly difficult in this day and age to connect.
Any suggestions and comments will be greatly appreciated!
Joy
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Hi Joy, welcome, so glad you're here.
I'm 67yo male, grew up homophobic like most other guys then. Now, well I just love people that want to be themselves whatever their choice.
I am sympathetic to your parents as to how difficult it would be to change their ways to address you as your chosen name. My sister shortened her name decades ago but I just couldnt bring myself to call her that. It's an inner habit and I ask you to consider the fact that you might be better served accepting that to keep them in your life. You could eventually joke about it to a future partner "oh by the way they still call me .... (old name), but I dont care, I have their love anyway". This enables you to raise the importance of their love over and above a name. It's kind of "sticks and stone will break my bones but my old name will never hurt me" approach. It is also very much a part of your personal history in that it is easier to embrace your past and come to terms with it than try to erase it. Your inner love and care came from your old self, it's the magic in you.
I like Antony especially when he sang "It can be your will" by Leonard Cohen and when he sang with Boy George.
Old fashioned? Nothing wrong with your own values especially ones that lean toward a sole trusting relationship, that's a great goal and a future compatible partner will admire that.
The following thread might be of interest to you. Thnakyou for writing in
repost anytime
TonyWK
