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Trans wanting to come out

Community Member

I'm 15 and for the past 2 years I've had thoughts that I'm trans(FTM). I didn't even think about coming out to anyone as it seems really overwhelming, but my dysphoria has been getting worse and worse and I've starting having suicidal thoughts. So I really want to come out but my parents are pretty conservative in the way they wouldn't know a single trans person or much of the language surrounding trans people, and most of my close friends are cis het and I can imagine they would stop talking to me if I came out to them. Telling people on here helps but I still don't know what to do. I feel like coming out as trans is just so much more complicated than telling people your sexuality (I'm bi).

3 Replies 3

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear 0101~

I'd like ot give you a warm welcome here to the forum. I can see matters are pretty serious for you and am glad you came here. Wondering about it and being stuck what to do makes life very miserable, so bad in fact you may simply want all to stop by taking your life.


Wanting to come out is only natural, and for many trans getting approval and support is a great need. In fact it can sometimes overshadow possible downsides, which can if you are unlucky be pretty horrible.


There is no way I can advise you if you should come out. I can point out it may lead to all sorts of hassles, from sport to loss of friends and prejudice. I can also if you are with loving people it makes a huge difference.


I'd imagine a lot depends on your parents themselves, if they love you for yourself, or just an image of you. And that can be hard to find out in advance. Many parents will in fact learn the basics if they learn their kid is trans, and then are equipped  give proper love and support. Any idea what your parents might do?


Can I make a some suggestions?


For matters relating to being trans and getting advice from others use Qlife (1800 184 527) which is open from 3pm to midnight every day. Please expect a pretty serious waiting time as it is a good and popular service.


Using the Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800) is also a good choice, They are open all the  time.


If it gets so bad you are thinking of taking your life then the Kids Help Line is a fine place to start to talk, otherwise Lifeline (13 11 14) are really good.


All these services use web chat if you don't want to speak on the phone (many don't) though there are wait times.


I doubt this is a problem you can solve all by yourself which is why I've made those suggestions. The experiences of others can lead you to a place where you can make an informed decision having weighted up the benefits and losses.


If you felt like coming back here and talking some more that would be great




Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

The decision to come out and live authentically is very scary, especially if you're heard/read the lived experiences of many trans people.  I thought it might be good to shed a positive light on transition by talking about my own experience (started in May 2022, age 52).  I won't say everything went perfectly but over time everyone that mattered to me has accepted my authentic self.  I have received unexpected and wonderful support from many people - mostly women, but also some men.  If I look back, the person that took the longest to come around was myself.  You will need support during your transition, especially in relation to your maintaining good mental health.  People closest to you will grieve the loss of the person that they thought you were - give them time but be firm if they are harming your mental health.  The love and beauty I see in myself has been, and continues to be, the reason for my resilience.
PS.  The process of coming will last many months - it can be frustrating but it will ease with time.

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Trans22~

It is great to hear of the way things have worked out for you. Maybe in part it is to your nature, in some of your previous threads you seem to see the  positive side out of things


I'm very glad peole have come round and see you as the person you are.


Maybe another reason is your age, In your early 50's you have had a wealth of life experience and gathered a number of freinds, then again I'm guessing.


You are certainly right that support can make all the difference