So what am i,,?

[G76]

Hi all.

Im a single 42yr male..always felt different never fit in,self harm and drug abuse have been the norm for me.I never could relate to females in the sexual sense but always found em to be good friends..i could never sleep with any till the age of 26 and that was purely cause the woman knew i was struggling..im an average looking fella i keep in shape am no brad pitt but not half bad..all my life both gay and straight men and women keep asking if im gay.why do they always ask me this do they see sumthn i dont..,?

I have found i find beutiful people attractive not necesarilly either..i do find men attractive but could neva find a way to be with a guy either.i would always find myself walking out of the room b4 any thing could happen btween either girl or guy.like i said i neva had sex till i was 26yrs.i have no kids nor friends as most have gone there own way but i have always been a shy person and awkward around people.but am pretty sure i have a gay preference,,so whats wrong with me,?? im fine physically but up stairs just blocks me from bing with any1..im a good person i think..so why am i so isolated,,?

[demonblaster]

Hi G76 welcome ☺

People might ask because you're single but I don't know

Does it bother you that you think you're gay? What I'm getting at is if it does that could be what's holding you back or do you think shyness maybe making it difficult

You're not old so there's still time to meet people, do you get out much or have time around people but on saying that it's surprising where & when we meet up quite often when we least expect

Maybe you just need time to get to know someone first & feel comfortable with them especially being shy I would imagine be hard to be at ease with people & I think there's a lot more shy than not actually

I'm around most of the time if you feel like talking more please feel free to anytime

Tc

[G76]

I do have a big problem meeting people as i find it hard to break the ice..and being gay dosent really bother me as much theese days as id rather be happy than alone and know where i stand.

however i do worry how any1 else will view me..most days i am on my own either at work or excersising alone..and in public it feels like ev1 is staring at me like they no sumthn i dont..i have tried to talk about this with face to face counceling but just end up lieing i dont trust em..

gay dreams and fantasies arent uncomon for me..i do have a female partner but we are an odd couple as in she is older and most people think she is my mother as i look young..

we have been tgether near 17yrs we met cause she basicaly just picked me up and was my 1st sexual partner of any type..i told her when we 1st met that we can be together so i dont look so gay but was half joking at the time but now i rekon i was serious looking back..i told her i was gay the other day but she rekons im bi.

I rekon im bi too but with gay preference. But if it wasnt for her i still dont think i would of slept with any1 and we live apart

The upstairs stuff is a massive concern i cant be with any1 and neva am the 1 to have a go with her she always puts it on me we havnt slept together in years..i just dont know anymore im not stayn in this relationship any longer she knows this as its time for both to moove on and have talked about moovn on but am worried that i will just end up alone again i have had only a few girlfriends and 2 sexual relations being alone realy worries me as my brain starts telling me i will neva meet any1 and i rekon its right..i dont know

Thanx for listening but i do need help with this..

[Sophie_M]

Hi G76, welcome to the forums.  Have a read through the thread below, you may identify with some the experiences being discussed there:

Asexuality

[demonblaster]

Hey G7

Good on you Sophie I'll have a squiz too sometime was going to mention this thought today but dont know much about it

G7 you're welcome ☺ & you're definately not alone with feeling self concious, breaking the ice being difficult & not wanting to be judged wrongly, even most confident & there's wayyy less than more people that are (many fake it) people would still have these feelings sitting in the background.

In regard to shyness which would be hard I wonder if therapy might be able to give you some strategies to help also self help training could build your confidence which can be achieved by focusing on your good points which can take time but with open thought & searching most of us have them in spades, people can be good at diminishing our self belief

Maybe when you're exercising you could slowly practise eye contact & hi to people, don't know if you do that anyway which is a good start to breaking the ice.

Entirely your call, I throw thoughts out there to think about, wondering do you think it wise to cut ties completely with your lady friend, 17 yrs sounds like there's a friendship which'd be a shame to sever & could create more feelings of loneliness & yes loneliness is a hollow existance I think most of us need people

Good logical thinking btw about knowing where you stand sexually, the Yes vote was over 61% & many as I didnt which I would have didnt vote im a kiwi (magic 😉) dont have to vote but unfortunately missed chance to so most people are ok about gay as we should be imo

Bud I reckon don't give up on your chances for companionship & love & that can put a dark blanket on your chances too, we never know what's around the corner trust me time does change our situations

Keep talking bud, happy to be here for you ☺

Hope your days good

[demonblaster]

G7 was thinking a couple of reasons people could look at you may not be because they're judging you as such it could be for good reasons that you said you keep yourself fit & ok looking also its a natural thing people do is look at others, we're a curious bunch of bods

This is part of being self concious which is one of depressions tendrils, can be overcome with confidence building as mentioned above

Hope your days good ☺

[G76]

Ok. So i read through the thread about asexual peeps and i get that .i can identify with bits of most posts.but i still rekon mine is a confidence thing along with gay tendancies just to confuse me even more..i crave sex..on and off..of course.but can go long periods without sex

Its good to know im not alone here i realy do thank you all.wish i coulda looked at this 20sumthn yrs ago instead of feeling like a freak cause im the only1 that neva has a girl..the gay attraction ect.how do i deal with it if i cant find the confidence to simply walk in a shop and buy a pair of jeans

So apart from gay sex..what would be the one single thing that defines you as gay..?(or like me bi with gay preference,)?...i just want a guidline to measure incase i sleep with a guy i dont just slip into depression..u know what u mean there..all this is having an impact on me emotionaly..so dont wana talk myself into it then regret it..but the signs are there..yeah,,?..or just confused,,?or to shy to deal with it,,?so go on living like a freak

[Sad_Mushroom]

Hi G7,

Nicely get rid of the partner and move on.

You obviously have bi or gay feelings and leading others on (this woman) isn't going to end up well for you.

Just go with the flow. You do NOT have to decide anything until you decide. It is not a race.

Take your time and be honest to you. It will happen eventually.

SM

[demonblaster]

G7 hey & Mushy 🙂

Not at all saying to leave here, this is your space and I'll always be back if you post but also what could be of help to is here there's a LGBTI thread I think which I haven't yet explored but you could potentially get a lot of clarity from there too.

I haven't yet checked out the asexual thread but one day will

I'm same as you Bi, only been with one chook and wowsa so maybe like you stronger gay tendancies, not sure but agree with Mushy try not to put too much pressure on yourself cause it's eating at you.

The reason before I asked if you're ok with being gay is I wondered if home life or friends growing up or school which for so long it's stupidly closed mindedly been ridiculed was in your mind but glad you're ok with where you're at having gay tendancies.

I know shyness is a problem for you with help & internal work I believe in time you can find it easier to deal with (bearing in mind a lot of people too are same so you're not alone there) do you feel you could join a gay group somewhere.

I think what would define you as being gay is being attracted (sex or not) with same sex. I guess also if you feel you'd be happier with a bloke than a chook.

You could to add to your confusion that's really helpful to you lol, be tri, as in experimenting because you're not sure yet though I think you do know.

One of the first things that I'd like you to stop thinking about yourself towards self confidence, is that you're a freak, far from it, there's absolutely nothing wrong or strange about how you're feeling, heterosexuals go through pretty much this too

What I do suggest is don't rush into anything unless you want to that is. As you say you don't want to feel regret later.

Could do a search here bud top R) for anything on building confidence, there's a great deal of helpful threads around here and if not maybe start one. I do know one thread that's very good, "Do you like yourself" if I haven't worded it properly I'll get back. IT's by Blondguy a lovely Community Champion here, good people all through here you won't get any grief from anyone.

You're very welcome btw 🙂

Care & support

[G76]

Id realy love to say that ur help is so much appreciated.you have no idea(well if any1 would you peeps would)how good it feels to know ur not so alone after all..u peeps save lives..i hope u realise that..thanx we all luv u for that

Can i be gay without bing with a man..?how would i go about trying to put it on a bloke anyway,?.just hit em up weather theyd wana have a crack or im up for it if they are,?im a pretty honest guy but also outatouch with people..i can relate to post from gay and asexual peeps.?so still not 100% that i will be ok with it..i had close calls with gay guys but like i said always have my brain get in the way .but now days think id be more receptive to an advance..i still rekon id neva of been with any1 if it wasnt for be bing honest in the 1st place.but its embarrassing for me..crippleing embarrasment has near destroyed me..but wat have i got to be embarrased about.? Right,?