Need advise on supporting my son.

[Kev123]

Hi everybody !! I am new here, and really just would like to talk to somebody to exchange thoughts. Have been reading through many of the sections on here and have read many helpful comments. We have been living , or better still are living as a very happy and lucky family. Hubby (which is me ) a wonderful wife and to wonderful children, one daughter and one son. Surprise, surprise - two days ago our son sat us down and told us that he is gay. First I have to say that I have absolutely no problem with that, and from this day forward he will still have the same support and help with anything he needs like he always had. I do understand it takes a little of adjusting ones thoughts and future plans, but nothing really changed. The biggest problem for me going through my mind for the last two days is , that I was not there for him the last couple of years when he obviously went through horrible times sorting out his one thoughts about his sexuality. We normally talk about everything, but this obviously was very hard for him. All I need help with is , how can I make up for that lost time. Its all still very new to me and all I really want is for him not to get hurt by society. Any chat or advise is really greatly appreciated.

[demonblaster]

Hi Kev welcome

When I was reading this I thought how beautiful he was comfy enough with you both to talk openly about this

Personally I don't know if you really need to make up for the past, you weren't to know he was struggling and if you did you as you are now would have been there for him. IT's now that matters and you're certainly by his side which is a credit to you.

You sound like a fantastic loving supportive Dad, that's all he needs.

Wishing you every happiness

Thankyou for coming to bb & talking 🙂

[Kev123]

Thanks Demon. It just worries me and makes me teary to read all the sad stories on here about loneliness and depression. I want be around forever and it really seems a hard life for people out there !!!

I take my hat off to many, as I don't know if I could deal with all that stuff !!! Hopefully it all works out !!

Thanks

[quirkywords]

Hi Kev

Welcome to the forum. What a wonderful caring dad you are . There are sad stories here but there are just many stories filled with hope and support.

I agree with demon, focus on the present. Also let your son if he has nay problems you are there for him. I am sure he knows this already but by telling him you are telling him that you accept him just the way he is.

Thanks again for sharing your story.

Quirky

[demonblaster]

You sound like a very good compassionate man Kev 🙂

[Sad_Mushroom]

Hi Kev,

I doubt your son feels you need to make up for anything.

My daughter was 15yo when she came home from school one day and told me she thought she was bisexual as she liked a girl at school as much as she liked her boyfriend. Not quite the same I know but I was so proud that she felt safe enough to come to me and talk. Safe isn't even the right word for it. Hard to explain I guess.

Your son has been honest and opened the door for communication. I don't think he'd be offended if you asked questions or talked more about it. I think he'd be expecting some questions at least. If you aren't sure how to approach this, ask him if there's anything he would like to ask you about it. That way it's not you asking him and being worried about offending him, it is him asking you about your thoughts. He would be leading the conversation and raising issues that he might be worried that you are worried about.

You are obviously great parents and have done a great job raising your kids. Good on you both!

SM

[Kev123]

Thanks Mushroom. Very good thoughts. I will definitely approach the discussions along those lines. Talking and listening is always a good remedy !!! Thanks again all !!!

[MrBP]

Hi. As a 53 year old gay man I wish I had a father like you when I came out. You care and that with loving him unconditionally is all you need to do.

[C4]

Hi I came out 9 months ago and I wish I had the support you gave your son when I was younger instead of the depression and suicial thoughts what a loving father you are

[Guest_4810]

Hi Kev, I personally agree with demonblaster. The past is the past, it is gone. All we have is the NOW.

Much love.

Bob